Wildeman's Words

DSM V: A real look

2012-01-27T07:25:00.000-08:00

Lately the internet is a buzz with all sorts of chaos about the proposals for the new DSM (V) set for 2013. Petitions are flying, people are screaming and panicking...... STOP. Please stop. And please read this through so I can help you better understand. Your benefits, diagnosis, treatments, supports and what ever else are not being taken away. You are not going to lose your identity or anything else. Lets walk through it, shall we?

Primary complaint is that they are removing Asperger's and Rhett's syndrome from diagnosis in the DSM V. But hold on, that already happened. Yes, it already happened. DSM IV lists the new compound definition as Autistic Disorder. Read it HERE. Click on the tab that says DSM IV and read it.

What does this mean? It means that you either have autism or you don't, period. If you were diagnosed with Asperger's, then you have autism. If you were diagnosed with Rhett's, you have autism. It is not intended to take anyone's diagnosis away. It doesn't change your diagnosis except for the sake of a word.

Why did they do this? The biggest reason is that autism is already really hard to tie down in a category like when they had five forms listed before. It was hard to diagnose and still is. Having all the varied categories actually created more confusion than they were worth. Consider this:

Right now there are still several states where insurance will not cover treatments for "Asperger's" but they will for "Autism". Think about it. The new definition in the DSM means you are actually more likely to get the treatments and support you need because of insurance companies needs for specific terminologies.

Here is a quote from that same link under the tab of "rationale":

Because autism is defined by a common set of behaviors, it is best represented as a single diagnostic category that is adapted to the individual’s clinical presentation by inclusion of clinical specifiers (e.g., severity, verbal abilities and others) and associated features (e.g., known genetic disorders, epilepsy, intellectual disability and others.) A single spectrum disorder is a better reflection of the state of knowledge about pathology and clinical presentation; previously, the criteria were equivalent to trying to “cleave meatloaf at the joints”.

Be sure to read the tab for the DSM V. You will notice that nowhere does it say that you are not autistic if you were previously diagnosed under one of the five previous forms of autism. All that is happening is a change of terminology, nothing else.

Asperger's and Rhett's have not ceased to exist, they are simply consider as "Autism". That is all. I hope that people can calm themselves soon and see this before they cause themselves a lot of unnecessary stress.

Learning auto immune diseases

2012-01-24T06:51:00.000-08:00

This new journey I've been on has given me a lot of reason to research and learn. I have gained a whole new insight to auto-immune diseases and what they do.

An auto-immune disease is a condition where your immune system starts to attack your organs or nervous system in various ways. Like with Autism, there is a wide spectrum of these conditions and they can be very hard to pin down and diagnose. This causes a lot of stress between doctors and patients. Some patients complain that doctors think it's all imagination.

Thanks to two MRI's we know this isn't my imagination, but that's the only comfort we have. Blood tests and a lumbar puncture haven't proven helpful. My research has shown me that it can take years for them to show up there depending on which one I'm dealing with.

I recently learned that some people with auto-immune disorders have to watch out for the common cold. I had thought this was only a problem for immune-suppressed conditions, but I've learned differently.

First, when your immune system is attacking all your organs, it compromises itself and ability to handle real threats. Now, this isn't a problem for me in that way. Instead I learned something else. A cold can still take me out.

I have a very strong and over-reacting immune system. Imagine someone driving a nail with a wrecking ball. Sure, nail goes but so does the building. That's my immune system. Imagine how much energy that drains out of you. Recently our household was down with the flu. Both wife and child had their upchuck moments but not me. I barely have a cough, but I lost all energy and couldn't get anything done. I was down for a whole day.

So, having a super strong immune system can work against you. I'm still trying to learn what all I can do to keep myself going. Looks like more trial and error.

Guest artists and Autism!

2011-12-29T08:19:00.000-08:00

As some of you know, I have launched and started building on my project called Galaxy Zento. In that project, guest artists are invited to come and draw their renditions of my characters. Special considerations are given to work that showcase connections to autism, anti-bullying, or anti-abuse. Themes are asked to be family friendly. With that, my second guest artist has come into the fold and this is what I wrote in the Galaxy Zento blog:

My second guest artist is Kevin, known as "ayelid" on Deviantart.com. Yes, his name is a link to his page. When you're done reading here you really should check it out!Kevin did a pencil drawing of five GZ characters in one picture. I will tell you right now that this has spurred a short story idea with me! But back to the picture (click on it for larger view), from the top you have King Frederick the giant rat, Bloodraizer the assassin with his secret mentor hovering over him, Victor Darksong, and War Horse. King Fred and War Horse are the heroes of this picture by the way. Below you'll see the original works of these characters. The most awesome thing he did, was to create a connection to autism, that's the puzzle pieces.

I want to pause and make note that you will likely see differences between my drawings of my characters and the guest artist's renditions. But that's what's amazing about sharing views of other artists and I am honored and humbled when ever someone comes in and gets involved. It's about involvement and an interactivity. When it comes to autism education, nothing could be more true or of more importance. People with autism need patience and understanding (in general as not all of us feel this way). They need interactivity to help them get along in a world that never quite feels right. So when someone comes in and does this kind of work out of such generosity, I am truly honored and grateful for it. Galaxy Zento, no matter where it goes, will always stand for autism education. I'm also posting this at both my autism and GZ blog for this very reason.

Now about Kevin, I asked him a few questions. Here is the short interview:ME: How long have you been doing your artwork?KEVIN: I've been dedicated to drawing for as long as I can remember. My parents have photos they took of me studiously doodling away on a little chalkboard or paper and such. I guess a lot of parents cherish and encourage creativity, but my whole thing went beyond the folks just putting the random drawing on the refrigerator lol. I was getting awards and such for drawing throughout grade school and all the way into high school. I was known as that guy who draws lol. I could get other kids to pay me while I was still in elementary school for drawings they'd want done. I never attended college, but I continue to research and learn whenever I can. I began to seriously try to hone my skills and pursue a career with my artwork around my senior year of high school. I've also been a student of the guitar and other stringed instruments for about as long.

ME: What are your mediums for your work?

KEVIN: Mostly pencil and black ink on good thick, sturdy sketchbook paper. It's always fun to try other things just to see what results I'll get, too, such as using a throwaway ball point pen on cardboard.If I'm working with black ink, I may cover large areas that require ink with a paintbrush, and do little detailed work with technical pens. When drawing with pencils, I might sketch the basic structure of the drawing with an HB pencil, and add finer details with a 2H pencil and use a 2B for large areas that require darker shading.I've also tried my hand at sculpting small scale figures, and tattooing, in a proper safe environment, of course lol.

ME: And what's your favorite part of art?

KEVIN: I think my favorite part about the art that I do is the part when you begin to have a drawing or sculpture that is taking form and beginning to look like you've created something. It's nice to make it look as slick as possible, and get compliments from people on it, but that point where you're like, "yeah, it looks like what I was going for" is the most enjoyable, I think.

I think I couldn't agree more! There's a journal on Ayelid's page where he talks about doing commissions and you can see that and his work through the link above. This work will also be posted at the Facebook fan page, faves at my Deviantart page and the website when it launches.

How to be and not be an advocate

2011-12-19T06:32:00.000-08:00

So you want to be an advocate. You want to help others with a cause in some way. Most advocates on the internet are volunteers, using what they know to help others. Some actually have a good relationship with schools and law enforcement; others even have some legal pull. Whichever of these you want to be, you will have to consider a few things that I strongly advise. I advise this from personal experience and events I have personally witnessed. I hope this helps you. Consider it a ‘do’s and don’ts of advocacy. I’m going to speak from the advocacy of autism, but this really does go about the same for whatever cause you support.

First of all, if you want to be an advocate with legal backing of any kind, make sure you get the education and any proper licenses you need. Take classes and obtain a degree. Don’t go out and make wild claims to puff yourself up, like claiming to be a DC Lobbyist. Things like this (all DC Lobbyists are accounted for and fully listed for the public) are easily found out and will hurt your standing as a trustworthy advocate. Be able and willing to show your credentials if you claim to be a legal advocate. The sad truth is that some people out there just want your money or to be seen as something important. They are willing to use others to achieve this. Don’t be one of them. Advocates like this can do way more harm than good.

Educate yourself on your cause as much as you can and always be ready to update that education as terms and issues change. Research, research, research, learn how to do research. The more you educate yourself, the more help you can be to others.
Aside from your working knowledge, you need to protect your image. A lot of internet advocates don’t do this. Your image is how people see you and worse, how they may choose to portray you. I can tell you that autism is as bad as politics when it comes to advocate mudslinging. There are advocates out there who see this as a competition for who you should go to. Don’t get involved in that. Let me tell you a little story, (some of you long time readers may know it already).

In late 2009, a young man with autism was restrained in his school and struggled to get free. He was charged with felony assault and the family was in turmoil. The boy’s grandmother came to the internet seeking any help she could. Advocates came together and put up a “chip in” to raise money for legal fees. During this time (into 2010) the Grandmother stated she was being harassed and investigated by a group of other “people” on the internet. I stepped in and tried to get them to stop. I tried to be Mr. Internet Hero and let me tell you something. Pay close attention to these words.

It blew up in my face. Do NOT do this.

All I did was make myself a target. I thought I should warn the autism community about my experience and that was the wrong thing to do to. I had my past dug into and slathered on the internet (20 years into my past). There was a case where I filed a suit against and an employer. Naturally they made several accusations against me to protect themselves. Those digging, took those accusations and posted them on the internet for all to see. Accusations that are not an accurate reflection of who I am were posted and they were damaging. I’ve been fortunate to have readers who know me and were able to see how much hostility were in the postings. Since then, to this day, I’ve been hounded, harassed, and even threatened. I’ve been accused of being some ringleader of white collar crime and had everyone who wants to put me in their own internet court room pop out of the woodwork. I’ve had some of the nastiest comments and postings you could ever think of posted at or about me. It’s not pretty, not nice, mature or ethical. All because I thought I was standing up for someone else.

If you want to stand up for someone’s rights, do it with the people who matter to those rights. Tell your client to block all attackers, that’s what the block button is for. And then block them yourself. Do not confront, you have no idea what kind of mentalities you will be dealing with and they will attack your image and anything else they can.

I have found that my advocacy is best done as simply giving out the information that may help others. I give advice where I can and will no longer ever engage in trying to “protect someone” on the internet. I can’t. I will give advice on what to do. Block them, ignore them, and keep up on what’s important. There are many internet advocates who go out and pull the “rallying” card to get people to shut so and so down, etc. It’s not worth it. All you’ll do is make yourself a target. Put the time into actually helping others, a far more rewarding issue. I’ve gone so far as to remove all mentions of negativity and other “advocates” or attackers from my blog for sake of being a more positive place for others. The same cannot be said for my pursuers. So learn something from my mistake, okay? Avoid the dramas the best you can.

So, hopefully, this gives you some ideas on what you should and shouldn’t do to be an advocate. Remember there are several types of advocates, research them to see what you can do best.

Book about growing up undiagnosed

2011-12-15T05:59:00.000-08:00

This was going to be pointers on how you can be an advocate. However, I recently found something that I hadn't seen in some time. It's a link to download my book, Raised in Hell for free. Yes, my first book about living with autism from a very special perspective is free and always has been.

Why is it free? Because I know that families seeking answers already have enough on their plates. If you're wondering about seeking diagnosis and there are problems, read my book.

Why is it special? I know there are a lot of books about people and their autism out there. My book is about what can happen when no one knows what is wrong. It's about growing up undiagnosed. My father was often perplexed on what to do with me as were many. No one knew what I had or what I suffered and I couldn't explain it to them. I believe that frustration is connected to the abuse and bullying I survived. If there were the right education available at the time, my life would have been very different.

So I think it's important, very important to see what can happen. It's just one example and there are tougher ones out there.

So there's the LINK to the page where you can download my story (book one anyway) and hopefully it's thought provoking. Wondering about getting diagnosis? Read this. You'll have to scroll down a ways to get to the download.

Understanding Advocates

2011-12-07T07:45:00.000-08:00

First, another looks at Webster's definition: A person who writes or speaks about a cause.

That's me. But there are other kinds of advocates out there, both good and bad. On the internet, the differences get blurred. Hopefully, this article will help define the lines. So what kinds of advocacy are there? Here's a list:

Individual: for the rights of a single person

Self: for the rights of yourself

System/Political: to promote changes in a broader system or promote a broader cause that affects a greater number of people

Legal: legal rights of various degrees (this can branch to the others easily, but issues will require someone with legal training)

Legislative: for changing laws which can branch to system political at times.

So, you've got problems. You're child, who needs and IEP is having trouble in school and it seems the school will not listen to you. You may need an advocate. Like many people nowadays, you turn to the internet and you find someone who says he can help. He says he can force the school system to play straight. Sounds great. Then he asks for money for airfare to come and visit your child's school. He plays on your desperation and you give in. You send the money and he never shows. Either that, or he actually contacts the school and ticks them off so badly they'll never work with you. So how do you know if you have found an advocate who can help you?

This is something I've actually helped people do several times over. My form of advocacy is in education. I believe that the more we learn, the better off we are. I advocate for people to learn about conditions to help erase stigma and abuse. So I give lots of advice for people looking for help.

What to watch out for on the internet with advocates:

Asking for money. Depending on the kind of advocate you are looking for, you shouldn't be looking to connect with them on the internet. Any advocate who's asking for your money, you need to look at closely. As in my last blog post, ask questions. Often they'll make wild claims of what they can do and what degrees they have. If they can't be verified, run. If you ask and they get belligerent, run. Verify all information. Let me write that again, verify ALL information before giving any money to anyone for their "advocacy".

Now let me tell you what an advocate is not and shouldn't be. An advocate is not some special authority who goes around demanding answers of individuals or other advocates for every detail of their doings and lives. They are here to help people, not police them. When Nick Dubin, a well known advocate for autism, was arrested; I was contacted and asked why I wasn't demanding answers and writing blogs about Nick Dubin. Simple, because that's not what an advocate does. I'm not trying to write the National Enquirer of Autism here (some people are and do). I'm not writing the gossip column of autism either. That's not what an advocate does. That's not an advocate, period. Now, there are plenty of advocate blogs out there and some of them are indeed doing just that, some aren't. You have to judge for yourself, what kind of information you are looking for. But I challenge you, look up definitions for yourself of "advocate" and see how many times you see "vigilante" or "gossip columnist" in the description. You won't.

Now, what's the best way for you to find help for your child? Every place and state has lay advocates of some kind somewhere. You just have to know where to look for them. Here are some updated ideas:

-Look in your phone book or online for your states Ombudsman's offices. Call them, they can often give you solid advice of where to go if they can't help you themselves.

-Contact your state's chapter of the Autism Society. You can google it by "state name" Autism society, try it. They often have lots of links with people and groups you can call.

-Google for your state and a chapter of NAMI (National Alliance for Mental Illness) and contact them.

-Contact your states or county school board and request a hearing for your child. Most times, this costs nothing and it's part of your rights for your child.

-you cold google School Advocate and your area, town, county, or state and see what you get, but remember the above.

Just a few ideas. Do you want to be an advocate? In my next writing, I'll tell you the do's and don'ts from personal experience and more.

Holiday scam season

2011-12-03T12:51:00.000-08:00

It's that time of year where finances run high and people are out after your hard earned dollars. Unfortunately, scams are everywhere and you have to watch out. It's gone far beyond your doorstep or phone. Now it's all over social media sites and you might be surprised at who gets involved.

Donations. This is one of the worst because they tug at your heart strings and make you want to help out. People will claim they are collecting for some family who went through a fire all the way to collecting for big name charities. Well, I'm about to give you some pointers to avoid giving your money to unsecured donation scams.

First is a big rule you need to follow. Make it your policy and don't break it. When people come to your door or call you on the phone for donations, DON'T DO IT. Almost no one goes door to door for sales anymore because of all the scams and dangers involved. None of the big charities do this. NONE of them. Even school fundraisers have instructions telling kids not to go door to door. That's not to say you have to worry about little Jimmy next door. If you know him, know his parents, and know his school, you're probably fine. Even the Girl Scouts aren't supposed to go door to door anymore. I know that's a bit extreme, but it's to deliver a point. Joe Blow who you don't know is in your area selling magazines for the Autism Society? WRONG! Get it?

Now, as for those people claiming to collect donations for big charities, there's a few things you need to know. Here is the most important:

Anyone, ANYONE, claiming to collect donations for a major charity or organization (who is not part of that organization) MUST do so with the approval of that charity or organization. If they don't, they risk themselves towards things like jail time.

Even if a person is legitimate and still doesn't have approval of the charity organization to represent them and collect donations for them, they are doing it WRONG. I have personally seen people get into trouble for posting that they are collecting for the Autism Society or March of Dimes when they had NO approval to do so.

Check this out LINK. This man was arrested for selling raffle tickets for the Make a Wish Foundation. He even claimed to be authorized but he blew a big rule. NO door to door! On top of that, Make a Wish said he was never authorized to collect donations in their name.

Make a Wish's official status is this: Anyone collecting for them in any fashion must do so ONLY after going through an approval process. That will result in a signed agreement and letter of authorization that one must be able to show upon demand.

So, even if someone is collecting legitimately, one phone call could get then arrested. Protect yourself and do it the right way if you are considering this. If someone can't show you they are legitimate (as pretty much ALL the organizations do it this way) don't give them you're money. Don't give them your money for this, no matter what.

But how else do they look convincing past that?

Maybe they are selling something? Doesn't matter. If they claim proceeds go to a named organization, they have to protect themselves by following protocol. Otherwise you just can't be sure.

Maybe they say their kid is doing it. Same answer as above. People use their kids for personal gain all the time and it's pretty sickening. "My child has cancer and six weeks to live. It's his personal wish to give to the American Cancer Society and he'll draw you a Christmas card for just five dollars so he can give." (note the quotation marks, I am NOT looking for donations at all), I have personally seen this one on the news with parents who's child wasn't sick at all. They even did the Christmas cards and were caught with over 60,000 bucks!

Maybe they claim to be advocates or some special interest group? They might even have a list of tips like this on their website. That's right, they'll advise you on how not to be scammed by practicing due diligence their way. Well, just throw their own questions back at them and see what happens. If they are legitimate they:

-won't get offended
-won't insult you or bash you in any way
-will give you a DIRECT answer
-will be able to show proof requested

When they don't give you a direct answer based on above... run.

So what do you do when you come across these people?

Two things:

1: Do not confront them. Even on the internet. Many of them are willing to be major internet bullying nightmares and you won't hear the end of it for a long long time.

2: Call authorities and inquire. Call the organization and inquire. Leave it at that and don't buy or donate if in doubt.

It's really just that simple. Protect your money and don't give it out to support fakers and scammers. Be sure to check in next time for another survival blog dealing with advocates.

Still an advocate

2011-12-02T13:48:00.000-08:00

Advocate: Webster's Dictionary: One who speaks or writes in support of a cause.

If you've been following my blog then you will know that I both speak and write (especially write) in support of autism education. To me that is a worthy cause to write about. I'm sure we can all agree on that.

Now it's true that I am pursuing a great goal in my life in my writing and illustration of my fantasy universe, Galaxy Zento. Even so, I remain an advocate. I still write and speak in support of a cause. I volunteer my efforts to help others understand. I have even incorporated this cause and others I support into Galaxy Zento.

I may only get a good post on here once a week, but that doesn't mean I'm turning my back on the autism community. I will always support autism education. I have already made steps toward this. Granted, I'm not making money at this, but I'm building something. I'm building something positive and good.

I would think that stands as an example of what people can do. So, I'm still an advocate and my blog still stands. Anyone can peruse through the entries or google me and find my work any time they like. They can share it with anyone it may be of help to. I love sharing! So long as credit is given where it is due.

As for me being a cartoonist... THANK YOU! It's so nice to be recognized for my talents. Of course, cartoonists are much better at drawing the same thing a hundred times over for motion than me. I'm really just a humble illustrator/artist.

Social interpretations

2011-11-26T09:54:00.000-08:00

One of the things I see my son struggling with is social interpretations. He thinks he means one thing, while everyone else sees his activity as something else.

This morning a lesson came to being when he was caught tormenting the cats with a roll of wrapping paper. He thought he was "just playing". The cats didn't agree. So, I devised a lesson to today to help him how things are socially interpreted.

Interpretation is how we understand something we see or hear. Because of varying points of view, interpretation can be very broad and different from person to person.

For this lesson I made four flash cards and asked him what he saw of each one.

First, (you can click for larger view) the top photo. He said someone was punching someone else. I asked him, what the thoughts might be of the two people. What if the person doing the punching really thinks he's "just playing". Does the person taking that punch feel the same way? And what if they are both "playing"? Will people who see them think they are playing? Things we see in social settings are at the mercy of interpretation. It's why we have to be careful of the things we do.

Now take a look at this picture. It looks like someone is crying. Why do people cry? Are they hurt or sad? That's the automatic thought and usually true. But what if they are crying because they're happy? What if they just laughed so hard, they couldn't help but cry? What if they just have allergies and it makes their eyes tear up? It's hard to judge from just a tear in the eye, but this demonstrates how many ways something as simple as a tear can be interpreted. Of course, the best thing to do is ask why they're crying, but that isn't the lesson here.

Next we see a person running. Why do people run? Usually it's for two reasons; to get away or to get to a place. People are either running from something or to something. Many times it's both. So why is he running? Is he in trouble, late for class or scared? There are many interpretations that can be made from the sight of someone running down the street. Mind you, I'm not adding anything else to the scene of the person running on purpose. Try to add interpretations only to the act of the person running. How many can you come up with?

Finally we see a person pointing and laughing. The second person is frowning. What are their interpretations? Is the person laughing being cruel? Maybe. Maybe they just thought something was honestly funny. The other person likely doesn't understand and may accidentally have their feelings hurt as a result. And how many ways can this scene be interpreted by a third person? Finally, can interpretations get us into trouble?

Our discussion was very thought provoking and my son appeared to get a lot out of it. Could your child use some interpretation advice?

My neuro update

2011-11-18T06:14:00.000-08:00

So, yesterday I made the hundred mile drive to Shreveport to see a neurologist about my MRI. It was a good visit. She listened to me, answered my questions, and formed a diagnosis plan.

We did a big blood draw for an auto-immune panel. This way, if it's not MS, we can see if it might be one of the other auto-immune diseases. It's not easy to diagnose these on just an MRI after all.

I will be scheduled for a new MRI for after the holiday to see if anything has changed. If nothing has changed, it's not likely MS. If it has changed, then it may be MS. If it's not conclusive a lumbar puncture is the next step.

I really felt good about this trip. I wasn't treated like it was all in my head or that I was a waste of time. I didn't feel like I was the next project on the conveyor belt. That alone was enough to make me feel like this trip was a step forward. So, the fact that this takes time and multiple tests is easier to accept.

Multiple Sclerosis and Autism

2011-11-10T06:03:00.000-08:00

If you google the two conditions together you will see an interesting trend of articles and studies. Those studies are mostly about parents with MS having children with autism. This suggests a link they are currently studying, but have no distinct answers on yet.

My own conditions have been getting progressively worse over the years. I fatigue faster, lose coordination a lot, have trouble forming words and speaking, and I have increasing random tremors that are more like lightning jolts. Autism isn't particularly know for being a progressive condition. So what's the difference?

I found this information about the nerve effects of the two conditions:

MS is a degeneration of protective layers around nerve endings, eventually leading to progressive nerve damage.

Autism is a developmental disorder of the nerves themselves.

So, from those two descriptions, it's entirely possible to start out with Aspergers or some other form of autism and develop MS later on. Like Autism, MS can have profusely different effects on each person. It's another broad spectrum with a hundred million combinations.

In any case, I am sitting on a possible MS diagnosis. That's why I'm researching it to learn what the possibilities are and what I can do about it. No, I can't stop it from happening, but knowledge is power. If I have to live with this condition, I want to know as much about it as possible. I see the neurologist this month.

I find the connection thought provoking to say the least. There are connections being drawn to Alzheimer's and Parkinson's as well. Is there a common root to link them all? If so, how do you find it? It must be like finding a specific needle in a stack of needles as big as the proverbial haystack.

Step-parenting and special needs

2011-11-01T08:46:00.000-07:00

It's tough to be a parent of a special needs child. It's even tougher to come in as a step-parent to a special needs child. I'm going to sing some praises today and I hope this also serves as useful information to you who read this.

The step-parent is the one who is coming in, late in the story of your child and has to take a major crash course in your child's needs. They weren't there from the beginning like you. They didn't have to deal with diagnosis or all the research you've taken years to do. They are, for lack of a better term, taking "baptism by fire". Statistics aren't kind to these relationships either.

If your child is lucky enough to have a step-parent like my son does, you'd know they deserve a great deal of praise. My Lisa deserves just that.

Not only has she tolerated a great deal with him, she's stepped up to bat, rolled up her sleeves, spit on her palms and gotten to work on the matter. She's been a great partner. She catches things I miss and taken her position as a step-parent very seriously.

She was the one who insisted that our boy needs a dog. Even with his fear of dogs, she found one that now plays and sleeps with him. She helps him with his homework more often than I do (even though he tests her by giving up easily or throwing fits). She pays him a small allowance for a clean room once a week. She easily pays for half of his rewards for good days, weeks or months. For that matter she printed him a brochure reward menu with his picture on it. Then she has a hard time sleeping from time to time with worry that she's doing okay with him.

We need to remember what our step-parents put up with. The best step-parents are the ones who are able to be "parents" in spite of the challenges. This is especially true in special needs families.

When it comes to being a SP of a special needs child, you have to be prepared to get your hands dirty. It's hard and there's a lot to tolerate. For many it's too much. And it can be tough on in-laws too, no doubt (just to mention).

So what do we do, that makes a success of our story?

Rules: We are on the same page with the rules and back each other up on them. If she sends him to his room for something he did, I back it up. If we don't agree on a discipline, we discuss it. We don't let him play us against each other.

Activities: We are all involved on this. She's constantly on the look out for activities he might enjoy as rewards or just in general.

Family Discussions: We talk about important issues together and he is included.

Respite: Uh oh. I have to admit, this is where our current difficulty lies. You must have respite and a break from time to time. You need to go out on dates with your partner and let someone else help with the kids. I'm sure, though, many of you can sound off here and show that you have a hard time with this too. The realities of child care will likely be my next blog. It's hard for several reasons. Yet, it is oh so needed and important. I can tell you that because we don't have it right now. We feel the pain and know what it's like.

Step-parents, should also start things out slowly. Get to know the child and spend time with them. Don't move into disciplinarian right away. That comes with time if at all. Parents should also never allow disrespect of a step-parent. Learn the needs of the child and take up a teamwork approach in fulfilling those needs. With us, my word is the final one on what is done with my son. However, I have great respect for her input and we've done a lot to help him through various difficulties.

United you stand, divided you fall. It's hard work, but also very rewarding. Our kids have their best chances (even when it looks bleak) by what we do with them now. I see it in my home, and hopefully many of you do in yours.

Asperger's and delayed maturity

2011-10-27T07:24:00.000-07:00

I recently posted a comment on my facebook page that created some decent discussion. One point of Asperger's or mildly affected autism that I and many studies have noted is a delayed maturity. That means that maturing (socially and emotionally) appears to be delayed in children and adults with these conditions.

Comments left by other parents were quite enlightening. Many of us do deal with temper tantrums and outbursts in our kids where it seems like the behavior of a child three (or so) years younger. It naturally varies from child to child.

This can create inappropriate behavior that isn't intentional, rather they just haven't grown out of it. For example, a "huggie" and "kissie" child may continue the behavior years past where most children mature away from it. When the child is 9 years old and is still kissing peoples arms or stomaches (when hugging them hello or goodbye) it can seem rather odd to some people who don't understand. A hug and kiss goodnight is still appropriate for parents, but some may want to hug and kiss everyone in the room. Don't think that can't last until 11 or 12, because it can.

The important thing to do is constantly be ready to correct and teach. My son is learning handshakes for others instead of smothering hugs and kisses that make others feel uneasy. Just as one example.

"You are old enough and big enough that it's time for you to (fill in the blank here)." Explain what is expected of them.

When the behavior carries over to school, it can quickly invite bullying and being socially outcast from groups of more mature children. Schools are getting better at understanding this so they can teach better social skills too, but it's best if Mom and Dad are the ones really on the ball.

Late maturity also affects capability to handle stress (note my past blog on the subject) and childish tantrums can result easily. There are reports of such behavior even into 20+ years of age. Not all of it can be helped or taught out of. All we as parents can do, is our best, to teach them from youth. Many of us, who are around my age, have had to "go back" and relearn after our diagnosis and researching our own conditions. I know I struggled as a child and now I know why.

For those of us who have young children on the spectrum, this is the perfect time to apply those practices.

(Be sure to visit my other blog Galaxy Zento and it's fan page on Facebook! Click the like button and follow along!)

My neurological journey

2011-10-22T10:43:00.000-07:00

Conditions are deteriorating. Things that remind me of that happen more frequently now. In the beginning no one could find any proof of the damage in my brain. I've researched websites to include places like the Mayo clinic and found that it's not easy to find the proof sought. It has to be drastic to show up on MRI's without a dye contrast. I was unlucky enough to have doctors who wouldn't run an MRI with contrast unless I was flailing on the floor. That compounded getting diagnosis accurately.

I even saw two neurologists and both of them discounted and dismissed me. The second literally kicked me out of his office only because I have bipolar disorder. He wouldn't hear anything I had to say.

In the mean time, I've consistently and slowly been losing my balance. I wear out faster than ever, despite exercise. I have vertigo over simple and slight movements of my body or head. And my cranial nerves hate it when I try to lift something heavy, even if I'm physically strong enough to. I faint or have a fainting spell. Coughing is dangerous, it will knock me out. Sneezing causes nerves in my neck and shoulders to react and stun me. It's called a brachial stun, used by police officers to subdue unruly suspects. And the contused nerves in my forehead hurt a lot and often. All of this seems to go hand in hand with my sensory disorder and make it worse too. It's all be gradual, but I can definitely tell the difference.

Maybe my problem was how the doctors in the areas I lived did things. The first time I spoke about this to a doctor here in Louisiana he set me up with a contrasted MRI. It came back as quote: "unusual". To that I say THANK YOU, it proves I'm not crazy or imagining things. I've talked to lots of people who have gone through this in trying to track their health and take care of themselves. It's a diminishing and dehumanizing feeling when doctors won't listen to you. Then it's a Godsend when they do. Maybe, now that I have an updated MRI that actually shows something, I'll have better luck with the new neurologist next month. Yeah that's as soon as I can get in and I have to drive fifty miles too.

In the mean time, my short term memory is crud. My coordination is worse. Last night, I was having a bowl of chili. I went to get a spoonful and slammed my hand into the steaming hot mixture instead. It dumped on my lap and scalded my hand. I can't tell you how much that messes with my head when that kind of thing happens. Two days before that, I spent an entire day in what felt like a narcotic fog. No, I hadn't taken anything stronger than tylenol. I was useless for the whole day. I didn't hit my head, or get sick. I was just fogged beyond belief. I've had to catch myself on doorways, walls, and getting up out of a chair is treacherous.

As these things happen, I find myself saying "what the hell?" I'm only 41. Didn't I have enough to deal with in my autism and bipolar? Or maybe it's something more depreciating than bipolar ever was. What if the bipolar was MS all along? I don't know, but sure hope to find answers soon.

I do everything in short intervals, even this blog. It sits on my screen as I stop and rest my hands in between. It's a struggle I won't give up, even if I eventually have to have someone else type it. If I can get someone (ha ha on that). Well, I will post on my journey more as it happens. Till then, be well.

(Do you like heroes? Please be sure to visit my Galaxy Zento blog, follow it and come to my fan page at: http://www.facebook.com/pages/Galaxy-Zento/233056856752787

Making Changes

2011-10-18T08:09:00.000-07:00

Hello, my friends. I am making some changes to my blog and you may notice this in the coming months. I have deleted some negative entries that really don't help anyone so that the more helpful entries are easier to find. I will likely still be deleting a few more that don't need to be here, but in any case I will also be slowing down on my autism blogging.

I will also stand for autism education and try to find subjects that help with that from time to time. I don't know how often that will be, but I will certainly try.

So why the change? I am pursuing something in my life that has been put all but on hold. I invite you all to follow along in the new blog titled Galaxy Zento. It's my fantasy universe I have had since I was a kid. I want to do more on my fiction writing and that requires time management.

So, I'm not quitting this blog, just rearranging my time in writing. What that will eventually do to his blog in the future, I cannot say. It will remain online however, even if not active. As always, I welcome new readers and would love to have you add me on Facebook or become a fan of my new work. If you like heroes and villains and a good story, you'll like Zento.

Always moving forward and always standing for education!

Proof on the Wildeside, Wildeman's credentials

2011-10-13T08:50:00.000-07:00

I've been waiting to write this one until I found on last missing piece of information. It's not that I owe anyone an explanation. It's personally satisfying to be able to show proof. So this has a dual purpose; one is that it's good to look back once in a while and realize you have made accomplishments in life, and two is the satisfaction of proving what I claim. So what was that piece I was trying to find? It's in this link:

Police arrest 19 year old after downtown shooting

Give it a read and you'll find my name down near the end. This was back in 2007 after closing time at the bar I was doing part time at. To quote me in the article I copy paste this:

"Dave Wilde, who was working security at Sur Tango, said he heard someone screaming about a gun around closing time.

He saw the man lying across the street, and “I just ran out there and got to the victim,” applying pressure to the wound until police arrived, he said."

Mind you, the shooter had not been apprehended yet. I was not armed sufficiently to handle a man with a gun, but there was someone bleeding in the street. I did what was best to do. So yeah, that was me. And yes, my over-developed sense of justice may have driven me, my career may have too. That brings me to the next items.

I've had people from an old posting still sending me messages and posting about how that rotten Dave Wilde goes around calling himself a cop. Well, that's obviously not true. I was not a police officer, nor have I ever claimed to be.

This is what I was, an Animal Control Officer with the power to issue court citations. I did not have the power of arrest, however I had a radio and that brought in those people when ever needed. And anything that had an animal involved, our office had to be there. I've been on drug busts, house fires, murder scenes, suicides, arrest warrants (no, I only handled the animals- note above), and anything else an animal was found in. Officers from my division have even been on dangerous standoffs. And no, I didn't carry a firearm. I didn't even have a bulletproof vest until the last couple years of my employment.

And I was published in periodicals for my work, including the newspapers. Enjoy some more photos. For that matter, if you are on my Facebook page, check out my photos under "accomplishments" for more. Of course, the people who thought they had the right to demand this information aren't allowed on my page for being hostile. I know they still follow here however. Oh well.

Then they even said I was lying about being in the military. Hmm. And before anyone says anything, no I'm not worried as much has having a small piece of personal justice. I know I don't owe any of these self important internet bullies anything. But here it is.

Nothing like photos and real news articles to prove the truth. Now I have this to be found whenever someone googles and finds the other trash that some people posted with their false authority. Yeah, it has bugged me over the years and you have to gain a thick skin. I have learned a lot from these experiences that I hope will help me with future plans. I have a lot to be proud of, especially today. I'm proud of a great lady in my life and my great kids. I don't need anyone elses acceptance but theirs. Yes, to be successful as a writer, I need readers acceptance, but that's different. So, since finding that (apparently) the misused information is going to stay on the net and get passed around forever, I decided I would feel better if I had something else just as permanent. So here it is. Let it float the internet forevermore.

Autism and learning social skills

2011-10-12T07:06:00.000-07:00

A wonderful question was posed to me recently from Lisa on Facebook who said:

"You mentioned that folks on the Autism Spectrum are affected by autistic blindness and do not necessarily do well at recognizing other folks' feelings and needs. Do you have some specific suggestions about how to be autistically un-blind?"

That got me thinking and I have a few ideas. Maybe some of you helpful readers could add your own in comments? Comments are moderated for being family friendly.

I've written on teaching out kids social skills, but I hadn't really thought about helping those of us who are adults today. We didn't have the same supports that are there for our kids today. It's a different world.

So what are some key and important things to know about socializing that help us recognize how others are feeling? As I go over these, the key is being able to add them together to get an accurate feel for the other persons attitude. This takes, practice, practice, practice. So try not to get discouraged. Also, click on images for larger view.

Facial expressions: While they are inconsistent in the autistic world, in a typical person they can tell you alot about how someone is feeling. Expression works best in the eyes (something that may be intense for you in the first place, I know). Other telling features are the eyebrows and mouth. Tightly shut mouth (pressing lips together hard) and furrowed (v shaped) brow suggests agitation or tension. Not necessarily anger, but could head that way. Raised eyebrows show interest. Tight lipped and avoiding eye contact (looking at the ground or off into the distance) could mean being emotionally upset. Smiles can be tricky. Usually they mean amusement or just having a good day. Maybe glad to see you? Sometimes it means they're nervous. Confused? This is where the next area comes in.

Body language: The positions people hold their bodies in as they interact are very telling of how they are feeling. When it comes to smiling, as above, this is particularly helpful. So lets break down body language.

Head: Tilted to one side is curiosity or interest. It can also be silliness if the person is acting out with wide gestures and strange facial expressions. Tilted forward (with eyes looking up at you) is a "get down to business" expression. It means they want you to get to the point of what you are talking about. Tilted back and looking down their nose at you is of interest but scrutinizing. This isn't necessarily unfriendly, but the person is likely reserved on what they are thinking. I should mention that the "down the nose" look is commonplace with street gangs. You can tell them by their clothing most times. It's more pronounced with them though. In average people it's more relaxed. You can google pics of expressions which I highly suggest for practice.

Shoulders: Drooping down means boredom (especially with the head tilt and a curved lip) or frustration. It also signifies depression or sadness. Generally it's not a positive thing. Held upward and level is a sign of confidence and alertness. These area extremes and mid ground is possible.

Arms: A big "tell" is crossed arms. This usually suggests that they don't want their personal space invaded. It's a matter of personal security and may signify discomfort. If they back away, draw clothing around them tighter, cross arms (the tighter the more you should give them space) then they are uncomfortable. Don't close in on this person. I'll get to personal space in a bit. Arms just hanging at the sides or in pockets is casual and relaxed. Movement of arms can tell a lot too. Wide sweeping gestures with raised voice and agitated expression may be something to stay back from. That person is likely upset.

Hand: Watch for clenched fists. This is the fastest way to tell if someone is agitated enough for you to steer clear. You don't have to run for the hills, but something is upsetting this person severely. They may be traumatized (watch for crying, shaking shoulders, and trembling in arms) or angry (watch for gritted teeth, v shaped brow with similar trembling). Hands that just tremble may be from a medical condition and not something alarming by itself depending on the person.

Legs: While sitting, crossed legs is very similar to crossed arms, though not as dependable because a lot of people sit this way. Both crossed legs and arms is almost definitely a security issue. They don't want you that close to them (or maybe anyone else either). While standing, shuffling feet around a lot could be a sign of agitation or just being antsy and having a hard time standing still. They may be in a rush to go do something else. Be careful not to stare at peoples legs, especially in the region of the waist line/torso. Guys, that is especially important for you. It makes people uncomfortable.

Note that there is no perfect way to recognize what people are feeling. With practice you can be right 7 or 8 times out of ten. Don't be discouraged if you don't see it all right away.

Now for some pointers on interaction.

When you approach someone, if they back away, do not close in. They are telling you how close they want you to be by backing away. Give them their space.

Be careful of staring too much at a person. If you are going to hold your eyes anywhere, look at their nose and cheeks (if not the eyes). Veer away casually from time to time as if just noting your surroundings.

If a person is nodding while listening to you, you are generally okay in your position. They are interested in what you are saying. Or they're just playing along, hard to tell sometimes. You may be able to tell by adding in other factors as above. Are they constantly looking away other places and shifting around? They may want to be somewhere else.

In closing tips, study facial expressions. Lots of pictures are here on the internet that you can find and look at faces. Same to be said for body language. The more you look and learn, the better you can interact. There is no perfect way, but remember to give people personal space and try to relax.

For personal space when facing someone, imagine the length of your arm, that is how far away you should stop (and don't approach fast, that startles people). Standing next to someone (unless in a crowded place) can be half that distance, but should be full length in most open areas.

Hopefully this information will help some of you out there in recognizing how others are feeling or reacting. Remember; practice, practice, practice. Never give up.

Good resources: Internet, or check out books on facial expressions for artists! Same for body language.

Autism and stress

2011-10-10T09:41:00.000-07:00

Question posed: What makes it so easy for people with autism to freak out?

On the surface, some may be offended at such a question. It's really a good opportunity to educate on what it can be like to live with autism or several other disorders that aren't plain to the naked eye. So, rather than get offended, I suggest sharing what stress levels are like for disorders of this kind.

First let's define stress in the psychological sense. First you may be interested to know that stress is a very subjective word and everyone has their own personal view of its definition. For the most part just about everyone understands that something irritating you is stressful and causes you "stress". There are positive and negative forms of stress as well. Everyone handles stress at least a little bit differently.

Another thing most people can agree on is that stress has its limits. You can only take so much of a "stressor" before you need to take a break. A good example of this is to think of exercise. Imagine picking up a five pound weight and bending your arm while lifting it. When you lift the weight you put stress on the muscles in your arm. The first time you lift it, may provide little stress. If you lift it a few more times, your arm may begin to get tired. The more you repeat the process of lifting and lowering the weight, the more difficult it becomes. This shows the limit of stress on those muscles. Eventually you will reach what is called "muscle failure" and you will have to put the weight down and let your arm rest.

In mental stress you deal with a similar style of limits, but different kinds of stressors. For example, think of your monthly bills. If you are having financial trouble or just on limited income, your monthly bills (electricity, phone, rent) may be a source of negative stress for you. Fear is another stressor, whether fear of losing your home, having your phone turned off. Fear may be of something real or imaginary.

One more thing that we can usually agree on is that, with enough stress applied, most things will break down in some fashion. That breakdown point is called a "stress limit". How many ways can you see stress limits in your day to day life?

Here's an idea; when you sit down to your next meal, pay attention to how you feel while you are eating. When you feel hungry, that is a stress. So, you eat your dinner and towards the end of it you start to feel full. Feeling full is a stress limit on your stomach. Whenever you breach a stress limit there is always a consequence. Overeating will make you feel bloated or sick, for example.

Now, lets consider another area of stressors. These are stressors that you face every day. They likely mean nothing to you at basic levels if you don't have a disorder. Environmental stressors, like odors, temperature, sounds, weather, traffic, and even other people bombard you every day. Your typical person learns to filter most of these out as they go about their daily routines. Even these stressors can be too much for you though. When you are tired and trying to sleep at night, you don't want to listen to your neighbors stereo rattling your windows.

So what are your stress limits? Well, consider your stress level through the day, like a weight scale. Take into account that all forms of stress add toward your personal limit. If you get enough rest and are of good health, you should start out your day with low stress and energy to move forward with. As you go through your day and handle work and various things that pop up in life, these will add in their own way. By the end of the day( which is different for everyone) you feel tired and need to rest for your next day. This can also change based on how much stress piles onto you in a short amount of time. That is the clincher.

With disorders like autism, PTSD, MS, Bipolar and various sensory issues, the limits to stress are not necessarily less. Instead, the senses and mental limits take on their full limit faster than with other people. In autism, the brain may not filter out all the stressors like typical person can do. Thanks to that, if you have autism, your stress limit in your senses may be maxed out before you even get your day started.

Having senses too high or low in sensitivity creates high demand on anyone. It makes your interactions and reaction with the world around you chaotic at best. That also creates frustration which adds to the stress and then you're even worse off than before. Then other people lose their patience with you (as you are likely also doing for yourself) and guess what? More stress! And, chill out doesn't work.

Improvement can be found in practice for some, but it depends entirely on the person and how strong their disorder is in them. Just like lifting that weight. If you do it every day or even just every other day, your ability will increase. You will be able to lift and lower more times before you have to stop. Some levels of our disorders will not allow for this. Take Multiple sclerosis for example. As a progressive condition, it takes away from what your body can tolerate or do. The practice may slow it down, but it it's strong enough, it will overcome your best efforts.

Because all stressors lend toward your full limit (yes some can be rested from in short periods), people with disorders reach lost limits much faster. Some are always at their full limit. If you were at your full limit on stress like that, you might find it easy to "freak" too.

Autism and fractured communities

2011-10-07T13:05:00.000-07:00

On every autism group website I have visited I see a claim of community. We claim to be a community coming together or already there. The truth is, autism is the one medical condition that has more dissension and diversity amongst the members of it's community above any other. Allow me to explain that.

Anti-vaxxers, curebies, ND's(Neurodiversity), SA's (Self Advocacy), and even "Autism traitors" are labels we pass out indiscriminately amongst ourselves. At the same time, we adamantly shout not to label us. Along with those labels are heaping helpings of hatred and insults. One side or group is constantly bashing away at another for some perceived insult to their very existence. For one "group" that I haven't seen a label for, may as well give them one and call them "Parent Haters" or PH's. This group is more adversarial towards parents of autistic children with accusations that they are only trying to "cure" their children for their own selfish needs (and destroy who those children really are in the process). Then there's hatred to NT's (neuro-typical people) that is just as bad. With all this internal segregation, let me ask you something;

How can we expect to ever be taken seriously? I have searched other medical conditions for this phenomenon. I searched bipolar disorder and multiple sclerosis, for example. I searched cancer and physical disabilities too. Autism is the only medical condition that acts more like some kind of deranged politics mixed with religious standings. It's putting people at each others throats. Believe it or not, I actually have a theory or two as to why this is happening.

It really comes down to two things:

1) The fact that autism affects each person and family differently.

combined with

2) The inherent social blindness of autistic conditions.

For example, here is a quote from a PH: "I don't need a cure or treatment, so why should anyone else?"

It's well documented that people with these disorders (and this is why it's seen as a disorder) miss how other people are affected by various issues (including autism). There is a natural tendency to expect sameness in a personal view within everyone else. It's like we forget that, just because we see the world in a certain way, we aren't like everyone else. We forget that everyone sees things in their own way. This is especially destructive in autism as I listed above.

Autistics who don't believe they need treatment or cure, automatically assume that no autistic needs treatment or "cure". And I say "cure" very loosely because there isn't one. The same can be said for those who dislike diversity or advocacy. They lose sight of the fact that everyone is different and has different needs. Not everyone has the same intensity of those needs either.

Another example is the eruption of internet flame wars where the slightest difference in base opinion becomes an accusation of being the Anti-Christ and gets accused of criminal bullying on all sides. This erupts in waves of inappropriate behavior to include creating "blacklists", negative blogs, and even direct angry emails. And while all sides shout "bullying", none of them stop. Yes, I realize flame wars are part of any internet meme and I've seen them. I just hadn't ever seen them at this degree before. It's about as volatile as high scale nitro glycerin, and most of the opinions aren't even meant to be insulting, or could just be ignored.

A lot of the internet wars happen because of high sensitivities in all parties. Those same sensitivities are very common in autism.

We need to stop and remember that there is more than one way to be affected by autism. The more we persecute parents over their children (none of anyone's business by the way), people over advocacy, diversity, or wanting disability rights, the worse we all look as a result. None of these beliefs are facist, racist, traitorous, or out to destroy us all. None of them are criminal or wrong.

Someone wants a cure? Let them. No one can force it on you. No one can make you get an abortion either.

Someone wants help for their child? Let them, it's none of your business. And if you are a parent, try worrying about your own kids.

Someone says "neuro-diversity"? Let them. It actually has helped some people and that's a good thing. You don't want it, you don't have to have it or subscribe to it.

We need to stop assuming we know what everyone else should have or do. You know how we hate words like "retarded"? How about "crazy"? Well, I have talked to people who have seen all the behaviors above and they can't see is as anything but "immature" and "crazy" too.

If you want to represent something, make it something helpful, not hateful.

Cyber bullying drama: Putting out the fire

2011-10-02T13:15:00.000-07:00

There is a Facebook page being circulated that I will not name. I won't name it because I don't want to give it any further power and frankly, it doesn't deserve any of the attention it's getting today. What it's doing is definitely wrong and who ever is behind it should be held accountable. That's easier said than done.

When people post horrid things on the internet, what they really want is your attention and disdain. Mostly attention. In this case, a person or persons has listed names of people in a negative way. It's a common behavior, especially with no facts listed to give the least bit of credit to the accusations. So, it's really not very elaborate.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cyber-bullying

http://www.stopcyberbullying.org/index2.html

http://www.cyberbullying.us/

http://kidshealth.org/teen/school_jobs/bullying/cyberbullying.html

http://www.ncpc.org/cyberbullying

Please peruse these websites for information on cyber bullying. What's sad about some of the cases here is that these are adults, not high school children. Adults should know better but even so, they get lots of responses that only fuel their fire. So I'm going to share what I learned from direct experience. These are the truths of these bullies to remember;

1) Nothing will change their minds. No matter what you do to try and "shame" them, it won't work. In the same manner, you cannot reason with them either. No matter the real reason behind what they do, they either take pleasure in it or see themselves as some kind of authority figure, dishing out "punishment".

2)Anything you say will be twisted against you, no matter why you said it.

3)The more anyone responds, the more power it gives them. It doesn't matter if you responded to insult the bully or reason with him/her. They especially enjoy it when one of their targets is responding.

4)The only way to silence them is to ignore them. They will eventually move on to other targets.

Now, everyone who is a target of this web page, has every reason to be upset. They have every reason to want to stand up for themselves and give a bully a nice black eye. But this is the internet and a black eye doesn't always land as intended. So here is what you need to no in gauging the threat of an internet bully.

1) Capacity of true danger: How dangerous is this person to you? Do they have your personal information? You should never post personal information on the internet. If it's there, remove it! Can they physically show up at your home or place of work? Can they contact there and have they tried? You need to look at just how physically dangerous they could be. Yes, how much they can do in cyber stalking at home and business is also important, that means they have your personal information and you should report them.

2) What are they actually doing? You need to take a long look at their behavior and ask yourself what it really means in affect to your life. Can their words on a screen actually do something to you? If all they've done is post a name with some random accusation, that really can't do anything to you. Most reasonable people, if they see this will be able to piece it together for what it really is and move on. If they've posted your personal information, made threats or suggested others should hurt you, then that would be illegal. If they are contacting you directly and you save the info, you may have something against them.

That brings me to a fatal issue you need to know about these conniving internet bullies. They know a secret. That secret is that, so long as they don't contact you directly, they can post what ever they want on the internet about you. The idea is to trick you into contacting them so they can say YOU are the bully. They will use passive aggressive tricks and go to great lengths to employ them, without ever making a single threat. So long as they upset you, they are getting what they want. The evidence is in your response.

That's why self defense against the internet bully.... is silence. And sadly, you can't everyone to do that, so they will get the attention they desire. But what will you do?

Examples of what don't work:

Write a blog about them, name and shame: They'll just do the same thing and claim you are lying about them, you bully.

Attack them right back: They'll use it to say you attacked them, with name calling (if used) and anything else they can make look negative. Your anger is their friend.

Email them to get them to stop: anything you send is evidence of bullying for them.

Now, the best thing you can do if you aren't sure (before you take ANY action) is to call your local police and ask them what to do. Then... you do it.

Don't give this person the time of day. Don't give their name credit. They should be nameless and never known. They want infamy, why give them what they want? After all, there's more than one way to apply self defense. Fighting back doesn't always mean being aggressive.

Autism: Expecting too much of ourselves

2011-10-02T08:24:00.000-07:00

There is a trait in our self patience I want to talk about today. I don't think this is in all of us but it's in me, my son, and I've it in many others. We have a tendency to take the world around us very seriously. In doing that we take ourselves twice as serious as anything else. We don't give ourselves margin for error. We get very upset with ourselves in the process.

A witness may not understand where the sudden anger came from. They might even think we are angry at them or someone else in the room. It's amazing how hard it is to explain in the midst of the moment. Where do such high self expectations come from?

For one, they come from wanting to be acceptable to everyone else. To us, we see our shortcomings as very expensive and potentially damaging. If we've had bad experiences in the past with others misunderstanding our mistakes (and most of us have)it compounds the issue. Past experience may include bullying, where enough daily taunting hit its mark. Dealing with impatient parents, teachers, or any other adults who punished us for those shortcomings make a mark too. It's hard to overcome your programming from youth.

Think about it, if you grew up with a condition that made you struggle, and no one gave you any patience in it, would you give yourself any patience today? I doubt it because you were taught otherwise. With a natural tendency to take things too seriously, we are at a disadvantage from the start. It's also what causes us to not do so well with stress. We can carry only small loads in that department.

My 9 year old son, already has hardships with himself. We counsel him on them the best we can. We tell him that everyone makes mistakes and they aren't the end of the world. We teach him that a mistake is an opportunity to learn something new. We teach him it's not worth being angry at himself. Hopefully, by starting in his youth, this will make a big difference for him as an adult.

For me, it's a hard lesson because I was taught the other way harshly. The bullying was hell and they often said I deserved it because I was a screw up in their eyes. There were a lot of them and the school was unmoved to assist. Have enough bullies on you and society takes a new shape. The drunken and drugged step-parent figure didn't help. I had no safe place to go. The only marginally safe time of day, was when my father got home from work. Even then, I would hear her ranting over what a horrible child I was to the point of screaming and yelling. Her punishments that included drinking sour milk, chemical burning my hands, and screaming daily obscenities also taught me the wrong lesson. I was taught that mistakes are not allowed, or you will be punished most severely.

So, now I'm hard on myself. It's not as bad as it was just a few years ago. I can give myself credit for what I've learned. I've come a long way. Now my story and these facts serve to help others. As with any of my blogs, I am glad to have it shared where ever my readers feel it would help. Just use a link back to here for shameless credits sake, right?

Remember to give yourself credit, it's actually a healthy thing to do.

Autism: What they want you to know

2011-09-29T06:16:00.000-07:00

Recently I posted a question on several autism Facebook groups and my own Facebook page. The question was: What do you want people to know about autism? The answers not only provide an educational view but demonstrates varying views of having autism. I'm going to go over some of those response here and I hope you find them enlightening. As always, feel free to leave a comment (comments moderated for language).

Answers:

-Autism is treatable, not contagious, not the end of the world, not a death sentence: From mild to severe, autism's comorbid effects are treatable and manageable (though to varying degrees). Parents of children with autism want you to know that their children are under medical management and not going to drop dead in the middle of some grocery store or park. In the same light, if you are a parent of a newly diagnosed child, it's not the end of the world. Learn about autism and research it heavily. It's one of the best things you can do. Finally, autism is not contagious. No one is going to turn autistic by being around someone with autism. I don't care if he or she sneezes on you directly. You may catch a cold, but not autism. So there's no need to snatch up your kids and flee the neighborhood park on sight of anyone with autism.

-People with autism can rise above their challenges: Even some children or adults with severe autism may surprise you. While there are people who need help for the rest of their lives, there are just as many (more in fact) who can do all sorts of things. There are lots of children who are in mainstream classes in school, capable of dressing themselves and learning complicated tasks. So, just because someone has autism, it shouldn't be assumed they'll do nothing for the rest of their lives.

-Don't apologize to us: One parent pointed out the annoyance of people sympathizing with her as if her child were already dead or lost forever. "Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that" is fairly insulting. As a stranger you don't know anything about the person you're sympathizing for. How do you know they need it? How do you know how they even feel about autism? They may be managing perfectly well and only told you for sake of education and understanding. I've had this said to me over my own autism and I said "Not needed, it's my challenge and I live with it just fine".

-Autism doesn't stop because of age: Several parents want you to know that autism doesn't mysteriously go away because of age. It doesn't stop because someone turns 6, 7, 16, 21, or 60. While a select few have treatments that can effectively bury their autism, most will always have something that shows. Many will continue to need certain supports or treatments their entire lives. Remember the above as I say this, though, because needing support or treatment doesn't mean you're a total invalid.

-It needs to be managed, not fixed: People with autism, who area able to communicate this, want you to know they don't need to be fixed. As above, autism is treatable with various support, training, and even the occasional medications. While needs vary by person, it doesn't mean they are broken.

-We have feelings, are still people, need friends and social interaction too: It's also said that just because someone is non-verbal, doesn't mean the don't understand you. There is a movie called "Mozart and the Whale" where the main character is a man with Asperger's who runs a support group. He says in the movie, "We actually want to socialize, we just suck at it". Again this isn't typical for everyone, but it's fairly true by my experience. So, keep in mind that, just because their condition can isolate them, it's doesn't mean they like it or want to be that way.

-It's an invisible disability: It's not a fad, over diagnosed or over blown. Not everyone is disabled by it, but some are and some severely. Just because you don't see missing limbs or deformities, doesn't mean they have no struggles or aren't disabled. Most people who make the insulting observation: Well you look normal, are forgetting something. I have yet to meet just one person who says this who is a doctor. People with autism or even bipolar, don't want to hear about how normal they look. They find it belittling of their struggles and insulting. Having these conditions have nothing to do with how we look. We would like you to remember that.

-Too often mistaken for brattitude: While behaviors still need to be monitored, children with autism will act differently than typical children. They will behave in extremes and are usually delayed in maturing. That means an 8 year old may very well behave emotionally and socially like a 3 year old. These kids aren't being spoiled brats (in most cases), they are struggling to cope with the world around them.

-Autism affects the whole family: It takes a village to raise a child. That couldn't be more true with autism. Having to deal with an autistic child affects everyone in the household. Not only does the child need support, but the family does too in their own way. Siblings may get upset because they feel their autistic sibling gets away with more than they do. Adults may clash over support issues. It's not easy to balance an autistic household.

Finally, just two more. While I would like to post all of the awesome comments I got, I just don't have room.

-It's a manmade pandemic: I have to post this and call it to task. Remember what I said above? A pandemic is an epidemic of infectious disease covering large areas such as continents or world wide. So the comment is incorrect in the idea of a pandemic because autism is not contagious or infectious. It's not an infection. But manmade? That's entirely possible and even probable. Generations of exposure to major pollutants like lead, asbestos, chemicals, drugs, and yes, even mercury with varied environmental factors have damaged our gene pool (how could they not?). At this point, there is no single factor that causes autism, rather a collection of factors. So, did we do this to ourselves? Maybe.

-It's a gift not a burden: This comment struck me as important too. It shows that not everyone with autism in their lives thinks of it the same way. There are plenty of people who say "autistic and proud" and it doesn't slow them down much. They say they are fine in life and need no assistance or treatment. We do need to remember however, that this is not true for everyone. Not everyone feels gifted, is gifted, or can go without support. We need to respect each others feelings and realize not everyone is affected the same by autism. Also, just because you are doing awesome, doesn't mean everyone can do what you do. The fact of this demonstrates the autistic blindness to other peoples conditions that comes with being autistic. So please remember, not everyone feels gifted.

So, feel free to leave your own comments here about what you want people to know about autism. I had lots of great comments and I'm sorry I couldn't post them all.

And the bottom line, autistics are people too.

Autism: What's your child's special skill?

2011-09-24T07:07:00.000-07:00

See that question in the title? It's a common and yet fairly ignorant question and I'll tell you why it's ignorant. It assumes that every child with autism has some savant super ability that puts them on a pedestal or makes them a circus attraction. This is a situation explained in the book Understanding Autism for Dummies. Be sure to check that book out if you haven't already.

So where does the confusion come in? Aren't we always pointing out the cool things our kids can do? Why do we do that? We do that because we want others to know that our kids can do just as well as any skilled child without autism. We don't do it because we want out kids to be circus attractions. We don't do it because we want it assumed that all autistic kids have some special ability.

Do we have special abilities? Maybe, but our attention to detail for our special interest (for those of us who fit that description)really don't make us any better than someone highly skilled in their own profession. We just want it known that we can fit in somewhere, there is a place for us. It's part of wanting that understanding.

So, for those parents who feel sick in the gut at strangers asking them that special question, I have some fun answers for you. This is in the spirit of having a good laugh. Of course, if you feel your child has (or he/she actually does have) a "special skill" then that's awesome. You should definitely go with what you feel best. Till then, here are some answers that will definitely stop the ignorant onlooker cold.

Person: Oh, autism? What is your child's special skill?

Parent:
-He juggles baboons while balancing on a rubber ball.

-He fights lions with his teeth.

-He's a tax attorney. Not bad for 8 years old, right?

-He's a stunt driver.

-He's a brain surgeon.

-Why, he just joined Hell's Angels. He sure loves his bike!

-He builds explosives.

-He's a sword swallower.

-He's a third world dictator. Took over two more countries just last week.

-He barks and chases cars.

-He's a Marine Corp sniper.

-He's a serial killer. Watch out if he gets his hands on a banana.

-He wrestles alligators.

-He's a gangster mob boss.

-I don't know, but he's great at endangering himself daily.

-He puts pencils in places you couldn't imagine.

-He can fly and shoot lasers out his eyeballs.

-He's a professional bodyguard, do you need protection?

-He eats things, all sorts of things.

-He makes noises that will tear your ears off.

Of course, you could just tell them that he's just like any other child but with a few differences. Even so, I hope you had a good laugh, we could all use one from time to time.

Autism: Fitting in

2011-09-23T19:04:00.000-07:00

For families with disabilities of all sorts, fitting into the local social dynamics can be quite a challenge. When your condition makes social skills hard, it's even worse. Not only do you get the judging eye of society cast at you, but responding to it is hard.

I'm sure everyone has had their day being shunned for one thing or another. Plenty of people on the spectrum who read this know exactly what I'm talking about because they've been through it themselves. And the outcasting of peers does little to help a struggling person do any better. Bullying and rejection cause increased anxiety, further psychological damage, and more stigma on both sides.

So what can you do for your kids or yourself in the face of social adversity? Maybe if you don't fit in, you can just pick up and move somewhere else? Not quite. Most people who suffer from these conditions (heck most people in general) don't have the funds to just pack up and ship out when things get tough or because they "don't fit in". The truth is, the only time you should move is when it is unsafe for you to stay or you can increase the positives of your life (new careers).

The first key to anything is education. The next is learning as much as you can about society and where you can go as possible. So, actually, that's education both ways. The worst thing you can do is seal yourself off and not go out anymore.

You have to go out and find places you can be. If your direct neighbors aren't very nice, don't hang around them. Seek out groups of people that are more like you and more accepting. These can be school groups, hobby groups, or people of various similar interests who just hang out.

You have every right to live and be where you are. With that out of the way and some ideas for groups to find, how do you fit in to basic society? Some people say you don't have to, but there are a few things you need to keep in mind. A few tips:
For either yourself or to teach your child (teaching children should start early, but it's not too late, right?)

Morals: These are rules of respect people live by and they can get complicated. Start with these simple ones:
-Keep all your body parts to yourself, minding personal space of others. Do not touch anyone without their direct permission or invitation. That includes their property like purses or other items.

-Respect the privacy of others and mind what is personal and what is not. Things that are personal that you should avoid commenting on are sexual issues, money, and a person's own conditions or appearances.

-Harm no one. Avoid fights and do your best never to hit or kick anyone. This includes self defense issues where you could walk away.

-When talking to people you don't know, address them as Sir, Ma'am (or Miss if "younger"), or by their occupation such as "officer". Speaking politely to people helps a lot.

-Respect the beliefs of others, even if you don't believe them yourself. This one can be hard and can get you into trouble with large groups of people. While you are entitled to your own opinion, you will find less stress in life if you keep it to yourself. You don't have to believe what others do either, take comfort in that.

-Respect laws and the rights of others. Don't steal, rob, or commit crimes. Stay out of drugs and alcohol. Some communities are alcohol heavy and I've seen them, but I don't drink. That has gotten me laughed at, but never cast out. I just tell them to be sure and enjoy on my behalf.

You don't have to do everything people in your community do unless there is a law or it's a matter of respect to others. Situations vary, but this is something I have found to be a truth in my wide travels.

As it is, we cannot be expected to be "normal" because we are not. Some of us are more eccentric than others, yet harmless. If you are doing something that makes you stand out in a way that could be dangerous to you (like failing to wear clothes in public) you should change that. If you just dress more colorful than others, you may be laughed at, but you should ignore them. They have no right to carry that any further.

Again, these are basic tips, nothing is perfect for everyone. What can you do?

Diets for Autism

2011-09-21T19:15:00.000-07:00

If you are searching for information on the internet super highway for autism treatments, you will find information about diets.

The most popular are the anti-casein/gluten diets. Casein is a protein found in many dairy products and some hot dogs. It's getting easier and easier to find products that advertise a lack of casein. Gluten is a protein found in grains. There are "grain" products and flour without gluten now, but you may see a slightly higher cost to get them. These costs are improving with the popularity of the diets and existence of allergies.

There are reports that support the effects of this diet. Some claim that they have seen co-morbid effects of autism all but vanish by eliminating casein and gluten from children's diets. While this is worth trying, there are just as many families who report no changes at all. Since there are multiple forms of autism and it affects everyone so differently, be prepared to have to try more than one avenue of diet.

Reduction of sugars is reported to have a good affect, especially with those more hyper-active. ADHD sufferers may see a benefit from dropping most sugars from their diets. If you don't want to drop right to artificial sweeteners, you could try dropping the heaviest sugar of them all; High Fructose Corn Syrup. Products with a lack of HFC are growing in the rosters of what stores are selling. To see how much HFC is in a product, check the ingredients. If it's one of the first three or four items, then it likely has plenty of HFC to go around (on top of all other natural sugars). There are reports that lower sugar intake can also decrease anxiety.

Caffeine is a subject for personal trial. It's been found to sometimes have an opposite effect on the more hyper-active, by calming them. Again, this doesn't work for everyone, but it is worth trying at the low cost of caffeine products on the market. You might avoid using soda as a caffeine source if you want to avoid HFC or other heavy sugars.

Corn starch, especially from corn directly, has been found to cause problems in some children with autism. It's an odd issue, but corn is a highly potent starch and it's removal has been found to help with some children.

None of these are perfect or a remedy for everyone. The thing about diets, much like finding working medications, is trial and error. Keep track of the things your child eats and note behavior changes that seem to be linked to when that food type is consumed. Most times, you really can't hurt anything by trying one of these diets. If there is a concern about allergies or a serious medical condition that affects diet, see your doctor for guidance.

For other tips, avoid fad diets, see a dietician (many are covered by insurance!), and keep proper vitamins in your child's diet. Especially keep vitamins D and B12 if at all possible. Diet can be a tricky thing with autism kids. Between sensory issues, allergies, and effects above, it can be a tough road. Never give up.

You may not find the cure for autism in diet, but you may find a more comfortable diet for your loved one. That's all that matters.

Sensory issues and autism, proprioception

2011-09-15T16:24:00.000-07:00

If know anything about the five senses you will know of sight, smell, taste, touch and hearing. Those are the basics and what we know of on the surface. But how much are we really affected?

In autism, some senses are turned up too high and thus are too intense at times to endure. Others are turned down too low and may endanger the person affected. For example, pain sensory too low can affect reasoning on dangerous situations.

Before I get to that really cool word up there, let me touch on the basics for a recap of how they can affect us.

Sight: Sensitivity to lights (including flashing ones) and brightness are commonplace. Flashing lights or too many fast moving objects in the area can also cause too much stimulation. If something moves close to the face goes past fast it can cause flinching. Some may get stimulation they like. My son flies toys past his eyes all the time for "movie-like" effects close up. Too many moving objects like bodies in a crowd or a thousand tennis balls being dropped at once can cause the eyes to try and focus in several places as once. As you can imagine that doesn't work out well. It's a natural tendency of the autistic brain to lack filters for several or certain senses causing an intake overload.

Hearing: I've mentioned before how painful high pitched noises can be. I don't just mean aggravating with chills up the spine. I mean you may as well have plunged a fistfull of hypodermic needles into my ears. But this can go the other way too. Some of us like a sound so much that we'll over use it. Some kids like the sound of their own voice at various pitches and will make all sorts of cooing and varied noises just to hear themselves. Again, multiple noises can short circuit a person with too much stimulation. The ears and the sensory intake may lack the ability to sort multiple sounds at times.

Touch: I've seen few sensory stimulations work on autistics like the sense of touch. Textures and temperatures work together to either provide a calm or repellent effect. A heightened sense of touch can make something as menial as bumps on a wall an object of fascination. It can also make a seam in clothing completely unbearable.

Smell: Odors can thrill or gag a person. Too high of sensory can make even a pleasant smell impossible to tolerate. Too low and you may not realize your dinner is burning.

Taste: There are three senses that work in the mouth at once and they make taste what it is. Smell and touch work with taste for a multi-sensory experience. This makes for picky eaters and even eating disorders. As it is, digestion in the mouth changes the taste and textures of some foods and can affect just how much it's tolerated.

Now for how they all work with that word; proprioception. Our proprioceptive sense are how our body and other senses work with the work around us and out internal being. So we can break it down to two ways this works; internally and externally.

Internal examples would be the feeling of a full stomach, muscle cramps, the need to go to the bathroom, and anything else our internal organs need to tell us. Yes, those are part of our senses and they can be affected by autism. This is why something as simple as mild hunger can be totally intolerable to some autistics.

External examples are spatial. Spatial senses tell us where our arms and legs are as we move around. If those senses are not working properly, you get someone like me. I hit my arms, hands, knees and feet on doorways and walls. I overshoot when reaching for doorknobs and jam my fingers. Spatial sense is important. Your sense of balance also works into this and bridges the gap from internal to external.

You know that feeling you get when dropping through the air suddenly? That's a proprioceptive sense. Kids who enjoy that feeling may jump off of things a lot.

The feeling of having lots of pressure on your body from blankets (as many autistics seem to like with weighted blankets) is a proprioceptive sense.

This is why understanding of sensory can be such a distinct key to understanding your child or family member who as ASD at any degree. I've found that sensory response is usually the first thing to check when it comes to the behaviors or reactions of any person with autism. It's amazing to think how some things most take for granted can have such a profound (or lack of) effect.

I hope this gives you a deeper insight to sensory disorders.

Do you think?

2011-09-13T10:41:00.000-07:00

So you're standing in line somewhere and feeling impatient. The line has been long and you're getting tired. Maybe someone ahead is working slow or someone else is getting confused. What ever the issue you know who it is and you have something to say:

"You disabled people should get out of the way and let a real person do the job." Or maybe you're more of this line of thought, "You disabled bums should get a job and get off my taxes." Either way, you consider them a waste of space and nothing but in your way. And that person heard you, and you wanted them to. They grit their teeth and shuffle on with what ever they were doing. They don't say anything back to you but someone certainly should.

Do you think?

Do you think, as a child, when the teacher asked them what they wanted to be that disabled was the first thing they said? Do you think they said it with a great big smile because they knew it would get in your way?

Do you think they enjoy not being able to do all the things they once enjoyed? Do you know them personally and know what made them that way?

Do you think that soldier who fought for freedom celebrated that shrapnel in his head? Do you think he feels like a success story as he now muddles through his day?

Do you think that guy in the wheelchair was hoping for a roadside bomb to amputate his legs? Do you think that anyone asks to be disabled when they say their bedtime prayers?

Do you think children with down syndrome and autism somehow planned it that way? Do you really think that person would rather be disabled than gainfully employed today?

Do you think they enjoy feeling worthless and unable to do normal things? Do you really think that being on the internet is the same as doing a full time job? Because, since they can move their fingers, that means they can be hired for anything. And who will you direct them to for this magical employment? Maybe it should be you.

Especially, do you think it really helps to hear the cold and callous words of someone like you who knows nothing of what they've been through? Do you think you're helping?

I didn't write this today because of anything recent that happened with me. I wrote it because of all the times I see scorn for the disabled and more for the fact that they want awareness. The truth of the matter is, if it weren't for the people who so flippantly throw their ideas out with callous disregard and lack of knowledge, there would be no need for awareness. If it weren't for people who think that the disabled should just rot in a room somewhere (like "you")there would be no need for the parades, walks and marathons.

So next time you see someone out for awareness with their flag held high. Remember when you scorn them, that you are the reason why.

Autistic self injury and seizures

2011-09-08T07:03:00.000-07:00

People have a tendency to see self injury as the "victims own fault". I have heard this many times and it is in error in many cases. Self injury occurs for several reasons.

Some do it for a release of endorphins that can cancel out pain. Often these people are seriously depressed or suffering other mental conditions. The fact that they seek solace in self harm should not make it a matter of fault. They still need treatment and without it, will continue to self harm. It may not be as much of a "choice" as it looks.

In the autistic the lack of choice is especially true. Consider this paste from an article on Autism.com:

"Self-injurious behavior has also been associated with seizure activity in the frontal and temporal lobes (Gedye, 1989; Gedye, 1992). Behaviors often associated with seizure activity include: headbanging, slapping ears and/or head, hand-biting, chin hitting, scratching face or arms, and, in some cases, knee-to-face contact. Since this behavior is involuntary, some of these individuals seek some form of self-restraint (e.g., having their arms tied down). Seizures may begin, or are more noticeable, when the child reaches puberty, possibly due to hormonal changes in the body."

Mine started when I was six or seven years old. More to quote:

"Since seizure-induced, self-injurious behaviors are involuntary, one may not observe a relationship between the person's behavior and his/her environment. However, since stress can trigger a seizure, there may be a relationship between stressors in the environment and self-injury. This may include too much physical stimulation (e.g., lighting, noise) and/or social stimulation (e.g., reprimands, demands). Foods may also induce seizures (Rapp, 1991). If the behavior began or got worse during puberty, one may also consider the possibility of seizure activity. If seizures are suspected, it is recommended that the person have an EEG."

See the whole article HERE.

I am on medication that helps to keep my incidents in check. I am very careful to remove myself from stressful situations that may cause an incident and have a "cool down" area in my home for just such issues. I use a fan for cooling and a white noise effect. I rest until my system calms.

My son has suffered this as well. If upset enough, he will bite himself or head bang. It's important to intervene on this as much as you can and as soon as you can. Medications may be necessary.

The dangers of long term head banging and self injury are permanent damage to the brain, cranial nerves, or skin. Biting can cause blood exposure, bleeding, damage to hands and arms, and permanent scarring.

I have to say that head banging is probably the most dangerous because of brain injury possibilities. Not only that, but damage to cranial nerves alone can cause significant disability. If the person uses their fists for all those years they can permanently damage nerves in the hands and wrists from all the hitting as well.

I have permanent cranial nerve damage and I can't tell you how embarrassing it is to have to explain it to anyone. I do though, for the sake of education. I just wish, if they could have done anything for me in my child hood, that they could have helped me with that. They weren't diagnosing autism in my age range or geographic area for age range in my teen days. No one caught on.

So it's important that you catch on now, especially if your child is engaging in self damaging behavior. Find out why and get it treated. Don't let it disable them permanently.

Autistic children and idle hands

2011-09-05T15:35:00.000-07:00

Recently, this weekend, my son got up and took very good care of himself without waking us. He got dressed, made himself a toaster waffle (with peanut butter), and then played in his room until we woke up. We thought it was a very "big boy" way of handling himself and we told him so. Just to be clear, my son can wake up very early; far earlier than anyone wants to get up on a weekend. Six A.M. anyone?

We had a great day as well and felt very good about the grown up things he did. The feeling took a nose dive the very next day (this morning).

First, let me take you back to his toddler days. In those days, we had to be very sure we got up before he did or our home would be ransacked. Everything would be pulled out of the refrigerator and dumped on the kitchen floor. Yes EVERYTHING. If he could get to flour and sugar (and the little master climber definitely could) it would join the contents of the fridge. If his pull up/diaper had any contents he would smear them on the walls. We would find him nude and often in the midst of any mess. He would also set our caged pets free (rats at the time). We've found him in many interesting places. Sitting in the rats aquarium or on top of the fridge were just a couple of the more surprising ones. Toddlers will do these things if they are exploring on their own, but it takes an autistic toddler to defy reason or science. When was the last time you found your 2 and half year old on top of your six foot fridge? I rest my case.

Today, we see lapses that seem to take him back to the decisions of his toddler days. No smearing, thank heavens, but bad choices for a 9 year old. Today he decided to sneak desserts for breakfast. Yeah, that's normal kid stuff really. It's when he decided to saw marks on the kitchen cabinets with a steak knife that pinched it for us. This prompted a long talk about knives and what he already knew about them. He did, in his toddler days, play with a knife and cut holes in our bed sheets. I've taught him all about how to stay away from sharp knives and how they are to be respected.

And how did we find out about all this? He gives himself away, believing he will be caught, he spills the beans. He says, "oh I hate myself for what I did" but we don't allow that either.

I know this morning wasn't anywhere near as bad as his toddler days. What I'm looking at (and discussed with him) is the fact that he needs extra supervision and we can't allow ourselves to forget that. I want him to be the big boy who can make his own breakfast, but maybe he's not totally ready for that. I know this is a common point for our spectrum kids. They're just behind a ways really. I look forward to seeing him catch up.

Autistic student: Reeling them in for homework

2011-08-31T06:38:00.000-07:00

Staying on task is hard for many of our spectrum students. It's even harder when the topic at hand isn't their main interest or an interest at all. There's a lot of redirection involved, especially at first and early in the year. It's frustrating, mentally taxing and can leave you drained. It can still pay off, though, so it's important to never give up.

The first problem we face is the time of year. It's only the beginning of the school year so this is a change in routine. It's not a small change either. There are many expectations that just weren't there for the summer. Try as you might, even with some extra activities and camp, you just can't recreate those expectations (on your own anyway) during off-school months. So this will be a period of adjustment with new routines. Thankfully, we have been blessed this year with good mornings in the way of getting up and getting dressed without fits. And now he's learning to make his own breakfast (cheers!). So, as years go by, improvements are quite possible.

The second is making the switching of tasks through the day part of his routine. It's all routines inside of each other and he balks at them. My son has had difficulty calming down for class in the mornings, (no doubt because of all the sensory input from excitement and hustle bustle) and has had to leave class a few times to recalibrate. I will say his teachers are on the ball with him. We are blessed to have such proactive teachers this year. But for all of our kids, we have to remember this goes hand in hand with number three.

The third is major sensory input. Crowds of children are loud and noisy. Hallways echo, and there's constantly someone bumping into you. At some ages, our kids are starting to put on deodorants and colognes and our sensitive kids will smell this at a distance. Kids with hygiene problems will be there as well and add to the mix with smells of their own. Not all of them will be triggers, but some will be and likely have been for some time. And let's not forget temperatures, those can have drastic effect too. Especially heat as it increases irritability.

Now I get to homework. It's another area of routine that we know our kids hate. It's more school after the school day has let out. What kids wants that? Well, it's a fact of life and they have to do it. For us, toward the end of the day, my son is more embroiled in fantasy from holding back all day (or being steered back to reality all day) and he just wants to play. Bringing him in from fantasy to get started on that homework is kind of like reeling in a really big fish. It's a fight for a bit, but once he's in the boat it gets easier.

The next issue in homework is getting overwhelmed and giving up repeatedly. He still has to learn to slow down and take his homework or any problem a bit at a time. He wants to rush, skip steps and be done. This is pretty common of our spectrum kids. It's especially common with Asperger's or ADHD kids. You get the idea. Ours may throw a fit and close down. We give him a break, but he can't go back to play or have privileges until he does that homework. So, piece by piece it gets done. It can be tedious and tiring for everyone involved too.

Handwriting is still a vexing issue too. It's like having something to concentrate on inside of everything else. My son is working on it, but it takes as much redirection and do-overs as anything else. Sometimes, by the time he has to rewrite something, he's forgotten the what the problem was and has to rethink it too. That's frustrating for him. I'm sure it's the same for many of our kids. Think about it, how much can your brain juggle?

It's easy to feel like this will never improve, but the truth is, that it can. If he's able to keep trying over and over again, then he may and likely will improve. That's not a guarantee of course. But, look back over your child's school history and make it appoint to notice the improvements. Has your child improved while moving up in grades? Then there's distinct hope. Has he improved despite lack of support or in the face of other difficulties? Then there's major hope.

So here's to moving on in a new school year (or getting started for many of you). Keep your chin up and never give up.

Mike Corey, musician with a message

2011-08-25T08:46:00.000-07:00

When Mike Corey put a link for his music on my facebook page, I must admit, I almost deleted it. I don't allow marketing for much on my page and try to filter out any spam that turns up. This is the internet after all, the kingdom of spam.

I didn't delete his link, though. Instead, I clicked on it and gave his first song a listen. It's called "My mind so broken" and it has a very clear message. You can check out this song HERE.

The song is very clear about what it can be like to live with a mental illness or disorder. So I strongly suggest giving it a listen.

It's clear that Mike has a passion for his music. He takes that passion and embroiders it into his songs to help educate about conditions that are on the rise in our country and the world.

Around August of 2010 Mike was diagnosed with Bipolar, Borderline Personality Disorder, PTSD, and a social anxiety disorder. He is a recovering alcoholic and addcit (from his facebook page). This brought him the clarity of what you hear in those songs. Mike has actually been writing music and has had his passion since he was 15. Currently he is working on putting a band together and plays regularly at a resource center in Rockford, IL.

Mike volunteers in the Stars of Light Troupe and does some acting as well as singing. If you click on the "here" link above, you can read about it to the right of the profile.

In talking with him in messages I asked him what message he would give to youth struggling with these problems today:

"Do not be afraid and do not judge the people who can truly help you, such as police officers, therapist, judges, case workers and so on. They may seem strange or even mean but it may only be because you are not use to how they are. They only want whats best for you."

People who live with disorders, yet manage to help others and strive to make positive forwards in their lives, are a beacon of hope. It doesn't matter what kind of disorder you live with, you can relate. From what I've seen, Mike definitely can.

So give his music a listen and add him on facebook, I think you'll be glad you did.

Dustin Nunn, autistic comic artist

2011-08-23T11:04:00.000-07:00

Today I want to show you someone with a passion in life. His name is Dustin Nunn and he is the artist and writer for a book of comics called Dustin and Darling.

This book of comic stories is no ordinary book. It has a very distinct style and "flavor" that show you need to take time to understand the author and autism.

Dustin and Darling are based on Dustin's real life experiences. He really has a dog named Darling and he even draws in his parents and other experiences. Not to be limited, he also created his own scope of fictional characters. You can check out his work at his page HERE.

While Dustin clearly has a great passion to write comics for the entertainment of others, I can see another purpose in his work; understanding autism. I think his work reflects living with autism in everyday life very well and should be considered as a part of anyone's autism library. His work is unique and comes from an even more unique perspective.

You can find Dustin and Darling on Amazon and I suggest you take a good look. Tell your groups and friends about it. Pick up a copy. The adventures of Dustin and Darling are those we can all relate to.

Loss of a pet, dealing with loss and autism

2011-08-12T07:42:00.000-07:00

I had something else I wanted to touch on today, but I'm switching things up again. Sometimes current events demand attention. You never know what surprise may overtake you.

Cupid the pet rat was very sick and suffering. She wasn't drinking water and barely ate the food I gave her. Despite cage cleanings, she had contracted mites (they are very common and can come from almost anywhere). Despite treatment, they could not be stopped or gotten rid off. I will have to throw her cage out to be sure they're gone because of how hardy these nasty vermin turned out to be. Our other rat doesn't have them, thankfully.

It's never easy to send a pet friend on their way and sadly, I had to do this last night. Now, let me tell you, I have a great deal of experience in this unfortunate skill from working with animals as long as I have. I was a breeder of rats long, long ago and I worked for an Animal Control Agency for six years. In that time, I've had to put down all manner of injured wildlife. I had to put down many a sick rat with cancerous tumors or other ailments that prevented them from thriving. When you cold have 10 litters of rats growing at numbers of 20 per litter (average), it was impossible to avoid.

Anyway, Cupid was very special. She would let you pick her up and take her anywhere. She would let a hyper child with autism hold her. She would ride on our shoulders and nestle into anyone's long hair. She was cute and loveable. She could teach you to enjoy a rat's company. My son was very attached to her. I hated what I had to do. I hated to deliver the news as well. He fell into my lap when I told him she had to go last night. He cried for a good ten minutes as I discussed how I understood his feelings.

I offered to do a burial in the backyard and he accepted readily. Out in the back yard is the remains of an old stump someone tried to burn out. It's center was only dirt and ashes. Looking around the yard, I realized that there would likely be nothing under the stump. It should be safe to dig there. So I did and I managed to get the hole a good foot and half deep before digging into hard clay. We put poor Cupid to rest there and my son said a few words of goodbye. Then we filled it in and talked some more.

Loss is a hard change and change is already hard for autistics. All you can do, is be supportive and understanding. Offer to do things that help bring closure and remind of the good times. Don't go for instant replacement. Time is needed to get full closure or anything close to that. In getting a new pet, you shouldn't be getting a replacement. You should be getting a "new" pet, with an identity and history all it's own. That way, you don't find yourself constantly looking at this new animals as a replacement for Fido or who ever.

We still have a family of pets that need our love and support. We still have a big ol boy rat named Mocha Joe who needs attention. He's not the same, but we still have him and he is who he is. My son will be fine, but it's a tough loss for any child, conditions or not.

Everyone needs support in autism parenting

2011-08-09T04:27:00.000-07:00

The last couple of days have been a rocky ride for me. My own medical conditions have been slapping me around and making it hard to get things done. Still, I have managed a few things and made a decent weekend for a family visit. In recent events, I have found a challenge. Well, it's been there all along, but you may be able to relate.

This challenge is in co-parenting an Asperger's child or any child with special needs. This challenge is support to the child and the other parent. Support has to go in all directions. While that sounds simple in words, the application is anything but.

The most obvious need of support is the child. His difficulties in dealing with the world around him demand it. He has a lot of development to catch up on and the world isn't likely to be forgiving. Half the time, it's definitely not forgiving. One of the lessons recently cited to my son is this: "Our condition is not an excuse to break rules". Discipline can be tricky however thanks to sensory issues. I can't spank him, it will cause a full blown meltdown for hours. Yes, a long long time ago, I was a parent who used spankings. I don't anymore.

Next there is the co-parent, and even more challenging, the step-parent. A step-parent is walking into a whole new world and it's quite an eye opener. For an accurate view on what this is like, please check out my fiance's blog:

http://aspergerblender.wordpress.com/2011/08/08/actions-and-re-actions/

It's more than a little frustrating for both parents in this situation and you have to support each other just as much as you work to support the child. You have to remind each other that it's going to be okay somehow and that each others feelings are valid. The second part of that is actually the most important. It's okay to feel frustrated, you have every right.

I can't tell you how many times I've sat down to explain consequences and behaviors to my son and got reactions that just didn't fit. Many reactions suggested that he never got the message I was trying to deliver. I would have to prod at that time and ask him if he was hearing me. I would have to remind him that I wasn't talking about the fantasy things and needed him to hear me. I often ask him what I'm talking about. Sometimes, for that, he shakes his head hard and get's angry, and says: "I just don't know!" He doesn't like to talk about his behavior.

On another note, he's actually angry with himself and we have to watch out for that one. He'll actually call himself "crazy" and "bad". That's not psychologically healthy either, so has to be intervened. I tell him he's not crazy or bad and that he has behaviors to learn like anyone else his age. I tell him we are just trying to help him learn them and he's not always going to like how that is done. No one does, and everyone has to learn. It's all that can be done at that point.

Yes, therapy is important and support in other places like school is too. But, one the spot, in the moment, this is what you are left with. There's the child's pain because he doesn't understand himself; your own pain and stress from worry; your parenting partner's pain and stress; and worry for each other. What else can you do? See it for what it is, call it like it is, listen to each other and support each other.

Sensory school supplies

2011-08-03T07:30:00.000-07:00

Now that the school year is drawing in close, it's time to get school supplies for many of us. As we do this, I wonder how many of us are on the watch for things that are "sensory friendly"? I'm not necessarily talking about pens and pencils, but anything at all that you would need to get for your child. In the world of our senses, it's amazing what can trip us up when they are turned up too high.

In clothing, seams and scratchy material are the enemy to many an ASD child. It can cause high distraction and inability to sit still for very long. That's minding that our kids don't sit still long in the first place. Tags aren't ASD friendly either. Thankfully, there are tagless shirts out there. Some companies are printing their information right on the fabric. That has to be helpful right? If you inspect the clothing you buy (and I bet you do) you can see what kind of tags are easiest to cut out without damaging a shirt. You can also see what kind of seams are just too stiff to soften. Most T-shirt seams are pretty soft, but you know your child's sensitivities better than anyone. What about the designs printed on the shirts? Are they really stiff also? Don't forget socks either. Look for seamless designs in socks that fit to your child's size. You can order specialties online.

When dealing with clothing, a good practice is to always wash all new clothes with a good dose of fabric softener before wear. You'll wash out any "fillers" used by the companies to keep the clothes from wrinkling on the sales floor. Those are most commonly used in jeans, but I've heard of them in shirts too. This will still go a long way toward making clothing softer and more comfortable.

Now, what about pens and pencils? I've actually heard of children who don't like the pencils and pens with flattened sides on them. I think this is particularly rare, but maybe your child is one of them? I've come to wonder if this may get in the way of an ASD child's handwriting? If it's uncomfortable or distracting to use such an implement, wouldn't it make the task harder? Our kids can't necessarily tell us, so maybe a few experiments are in order.

Then there's markers. Unscented is the way to go, as well as washable. I don't know about all our kids, but marker scent gives me a headache. Scent is one of my downfalls with my own condition. It's that way for my son too. Then there are those who like the scent a little too much. Either way is a distraction in class.

Some of our kids are very sensitive to sound. I've seen that some schools have headphone ear protectors that make it easier for some kids. You can also order these from locations online. Now is the time to get prepared. Some of these items are not cheap, so the earlier you get them the better.

Best of luck and a great start to all our kids' new school year.

Asperger's and Child frustration

2011-07-28T06:44:00.000-07:00

I was going to make this blog about sensory issues and getting school supplies, but something happened. It's going to have to wait for next time.

My son is showing me that he can be sneaky, but that's not the issue either. It did lead to what happened.

Last night, my son told me he felt tired and wanted to go to bed early. That's not an unreasonable request. If he's not feeling well, he should get some rest. So I said "okay" and we did all the night time things you do before you go to bed. Then I tucked him in and that was that. Well, that's what I thought anyway.

An hour or so later, my son called frantically from his bedroom and I went to see what the issue was. As it turns out, he had slipped his Nintendo DS into bed with him and now it was broken. He gets limited time with video games to keep him from sinking into them and never coming out. This isn't the first time he's pulled the 'sneak it into bed' for extra play trick either. And who didn't sneak a comic book and flashlight into bed at some point in their childhood?

He broke the DS right at the hinge because he became angry with it. It ran out of power and turned off in the middle of his game. He got angry and in that moment of child frustration he must have wrenched it in his hands to break it.

The consequences for this are clear. He gets to tell his mother what he did (this was a Christmas gift from her) and he will have to use all his allowance to replace it. This will take a long time. The Ipod and DS were already banned from being in his bed from the last sneak episode. Now they are banned from his room altogether for supervision's sake.

Generally, the rule is this: if he breaks it in anger it doesn't get replaced. That's a fine rule for most toys. But now I find myself faced with the expensive ones that have a bit of investment. I also find myself worried for him. I worry about him learning to control the spontaneous rage that we can be afflicted with at a moment of frustration. I went through the same thing at his age. It has taken me into my adult life to learn how to control it. I don't want that for him.

This impulse behavior is not uncommon in our spectrum children. The only way to deal with it is with direct consequences and to point it out specifically to our kids. We have to teach them about that specific impulse and what it means. That is the only way, by making them specifically aware of it, that they may eventually learn to control or stop it.

Are you having a similar issue with your spectrum child? Feel free to post in comments. Your email is private and you will not be spammed.

Autism: Suggested reading

2011-07-25T07:03:00.000-07:00

I recently picked up my first copy of The Autism File magazine. What I found in its pages were reader friendly and informative articles. These articles come at nearly all fronts of what you want to know about autism. In the edition I picked up were articles about summer activities, picky eaters, recipes, breakthroughs on interventions and quite a bit more. A favorite of mine for this issue was the article on being prepared for bullying. Since a new school year is up and coming, it's an important issue. The article I picked up is the Summer Issue number 40. I strongly suggest you pick it up and subscribe to this magazine. It's amazing.

The magazine also has some suggested reading in it and I will be checking this book out soon myself. It's called, 1001 Great ideas for Teaching and Raising children with autism or aspergers. That just sounds like a great book right off the top.

Another one suggested in the magazine that looks good is called, 60 Social situations and discussion starters. It's a book for teens on the spectrum to help in learning about freindships, feelings, conflicts, and general aspects of relationships. I think I will be checking that one out too, even though my son is only 9 right now. Hey, time flies right?

I have to suggest Understanding Autism for Dummies again. If you haven't checked out this book, do it soon. It's an excellent resource for Asperger's from diagnosis to helping learn relationships. It has great suggestions for how to handly various situation in public and as your child grows. It even has suggestions for moving into adulthood.

I think it's important to have a good set of home resources for autism. Yes, the internet has lots of info, but it's nice to be able to pick up a book and flip open the pages to the info you need.

You can google research autism literature by typing in autism book or aspergers respectively. Amazon has about every book you could hope for and you might get it for less. There's noting wrong with a used book unless it was hopelessly abused (then it shouldn't have been sold in the first place).

With E-books on the rise, you should also check out sources for those. I've been told you can get just about any book for your Nook or E reader out there. If you get E-books already, check your source for autism info.

Do you have a book or magazine for suggested reading? Post it in the comments so everyone can check it out!

Back to School for 2011

2011-07-18T09:41:00.000-07:00

So far, I think I have been blessed in the schools that my son has attended. I have consistently found understanding faculty who are at least halfway knowledgeable on Asperger's and autism. I'm sure there will be points in getting to know my son, but we have always been able to deal with that.

This is an important time. For many of us, school starts sometime in the next month. It's time to be thinking about how to be active parents in our children's school lives. I have a few tips that you may find helpful.

1: Make sure IEP's are up to date and check with the school on it a new meeting is needed. Sometimes they don't need one or have a time scheduled based on the last time you had a meeting. Double check on it. Have information from the last IEP ready if you kept it from last year. If you didn't keep it, you should have. Make that a new habit. Keep a file folder for your child's education information.

2: Meet the new teacher and see the new classroom. Let the new teacher know that you are readily available for any questions or needs regarding your child. Exchange emails, most teachers have them now. If your child will be spending time with a special education teacher of any kind, meet him/her too.

3: Get needed school supplies. That's a no-brainer, but some of our students need special supplies. Those are better found sooner than later.

4: Being an active parent means that you are readily available for anything. It means that you are involved and open in communications with the school staff. It means you ask questions and want to know how you can help and where. You don't have to join the PTA or volunteer all over, just be involved where your child is concerned. Be ready to help with behavior issues or questions that help staff get to know your child.

5: Know how to communicate. Asking what you can do to help is way better than demands of the staff to "do their jobs". Demands have their place and are best used when all other approach has been exhausted. Don't start out the school year with demands or veiled legal threats. Be pleasant and polite instead. It will get you much further faster.

Things that staff need to know:

1: Triggers: What affects your child and how it affects them. Will a fire alarm incite hysterics? If so, they need to know this ahead of time. Do they have a problem with being touched? Let the faculty know. Let them know the risks involved too. If your child is high risk for self injury, for example, schools need to know. They especially need to know what causes those reactions. They can't cover everything, but knowledge is power.

2: Medications: They especially need to know if there has been a change to meds and what to watch out for. If there are any concerns with a new medication that could have any affect on the classroom, make sure you communicate it.

3: Quirks and stims: These can be some of the most eyebrow lifting moments in a classroom. What the heck is Joe doing and why? Quirks and stims are nearly limitless in what they can involve. They can be surprising and sometimes disturbing. Understanding them is a great step toward helping a child in a classroom environment. Also, forewarned is truly forearmed.

Remember, you don't want them to re-create the education system. You just want to help them work with your child. You just want to be a part of his or her educational team.

If you are at a school that won't do this, that is a different story.

How to get your important message across, or not

2011-07-11T08:31:00.000-07:00

In autism, just like with many things, there are differing sides, issues and beliefs. For each of these there are people who feel very strongly. This is understandable, however, some feel so strong about their thoughts that they fall into a state of fanaticism.

Fanatics are hard to deal with, especially if they don't quite have their facts straight. I'm not aiming at any particular group here, (that would be particularly dangerous) but I do want to point out a few ways you won't get your point across.

Extreme measures have their place. Take a peaceful protest march of thousands to the White House or a State Capitol somewhere. That's extreme, but it has worked to make political and human rights points in history. The key to an extreme measure working is choice. People choose to get involved and the do so because they believe in what the protest stands for.

Now I'm going to say something harsh but it's also very important if you want to get your point across: Misuse of an extreme measure will only make you look like a lunatic. To avoid that, you have to use your media with care and present your message in a politically correct fashion. I know, I'm not always that politically correct, but bear with me. The most of what I miss is usually he/she reference. I stick with just one and it's meant to be in respect that there are two or what not. I have been attacked for that before.

So, here are some important points to consider about delivering your message:

1) FACTS: Have you researched your information and are you using verifiable facts? For example, if you go around calling people with Asperger's liars for saying they have autism, you would be hurting your case. Asperger's is recognized by every medical board in the world as an "Autism Spectrum Disorder". Recently, they have considered making its diagnosis separate for identification issues and there is an ongoing argument, still: that doesn't change what it's been accepted as for years, a form of autism. Conspiracy theories of many kinds are famous for getting blown out of proportion to a point of inciting panic. This doesn't help the point that needs to be made, or the message. So, make sure you have your facts straight before you go on the warpath.

2) DELIVERY: How are you getting your message out? Do you write blog articles like me? Do you have a website? These can be very good ways to deliver your message. You will have to write for a while to start getting attention, but keep going and time will bring readers to you. But what if you want to skip that time needed? Maybe you decide to gather friends on Facebook and then launch emails at hundreds of them at a time with your message? Watch out. That could get you in trouble for spamming. You may have an important point, but if try to flood people with it too much, too fast, you will only annoy and turn them off to your message. And you can't please everyone, no matter what you do. I've been called a ranter plenty of times. You can't reach everyone either. Some people are dead set in what they believe, right or wrong. You have to let them go and get on with what's important, those who are listening and your message.

3) IS IT FRIENDLY? A true mark of a bad fanatic is someone who insults everyone that has a different point of view. I'm talking about someone who calls people racial slurs, drops obscene language makes horrible references against opposing opinions, just because their opposing opinions. This person will ignore all facts presented and not take any time to look at perspectives or respect others. If you don't believe they way they do, you're scum. Don't be one of these. You will have a select and small group of listeners, sure but your message won't get far. You will turn off people left and right. Even people who are famous for such attitudes are limited in number. Even they don't get away with calling people much more than "stupid". As soon as I get slighted like that for my opinion, that person loses all credibility with me. I've had some strong opinions of people too in my day. Thankfully, they've either been a learning experience and never been obscene with a torrent of swearing and worse.

Honestly, if you can steer around those three obstacles, you can gather quite a following to your points and probably even get something serious accomplished. The internet can be an awesome tool for this, or it can lead to your destruction.

Fourth of July 2011

2011-07-04T10:36:00.000-07:00

Our new home area already had its annual fireworks display and it was fun to go and see. We sat on top of a levee with hundreds of other people and the toughest part was waiting for things to get started.

My son doesn't like to wait for long and the first thing he wanted to do was run around with other kids. Unfortunately, being on top of the steep levee made that something we didn't want to let him run off on. We also didn't want him running off into a crowd of strangers. A boy did come over and talk to him, as well as donate a hamburger wrapper to us (gee thanks!).

We had two nephews with us too. Before the fireworks got started we had a bat show. I think I counted three different kinds of bats swooping for insects over our heads.

The Fourth, with all it's explosions and bright strobing lights, can be daunting for our kids on the spectrum. There are many who cannot tolerate the fireworks festivities. There are also those who would endanger themselves by getting too close, enthralled by the experience. My son enjoys fireworks from a distance and has his limits. He doesn't like the really loud ones and holds his hands over his ears.

I'm just glad he doesn't want to run away outright. There are things that have made him do that. Then I had to actually catch him. My presence or voice were not enough to calm him. Like the first time he looked up from the base of a ferris wheel.

Well, I hope all your festivities are safe and you have a good back up plan for sensory overloads for your kids. Have a great holiday.

Yes we DO need diversity!

2011-06-26T11:17:00.000-07:00

Websters Definition of Diversity: 1. The state or fact of being diverse. Difference. Unlikeness. 2. Variety. Multiformity. 3. A point of difference.

Social diversity is the existence of multiple cultures and types of people in any given area.

Throughout history people of many beliefs, lifestyles, creeds, ethnic backgrounds, religions, disability and more have staked their claim to human rights the same as any man. This has been backed and enforced by the Constitution of the United States of America, similar constitutions of other countries and laws around the world.

"We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness." Constitution of The United States of America (Thomas Jefferson).

See that quote? I has come to mean so much more than the paragraph you see in the Constitution. I means social acceptance without being shunned or judged. It means not being discriminated against for status of race, color, religion, sex, HANDICAP, familial status, or national origin. Yes, I capitalized that word on purpose.

I means having equal opportunities at good housing, employment, education, and medical care (insurance too).

It's why hate crimes are considered particularly heinous in nature.

Sadly, in the autism community the term is being horribly misused and misunderstood. I have been told and shown that, supposedly, you cannot be accepting of the search for an autism "cure" in any fashion and be for diversity at the same time. This is 100% in error. I can believe what ever I want to and telling me that I "can't" is wrong. The Constitution and Law say it's wrong. Let's take a look at why the two subjects should have just about nothing to do with each other.

Concern's against "diversity":

1: I found a comment at a blog I will not publicize that stated, "Neurodiversity is just a way for lazy people to get on disability." The very wording of such a statement is bigoted against the disabled and highly discriminatory. It proves that diversity and acceptance really are important. If one rude person on the internet is willing to publish such a horrible thought, how many more ignorant people are out there in housing, workforce, or the medical field who will discriminate because an autistic person happens to be on disability as well? It's supposed to be wrong to hold an entire community to task for the lies of an individual. If someone is frauding the system, that's on them as a person. It's not on the whole community of race, creed, sex, etc.

2: A cure is a better idea because then no one would need diversity: Again, faulty logic. This ignores the very fact that there is no cure and there are varied forms of autism. It ignores the fact that there are people out there right now, who deserve acceptance and the same rights as the rest of us, whether you look for a cure or not. It's like some of the activists for a "cure" expect people of the autism community to just suck it up and get over it. It's like they expect autistic people to put their lives on hold (medical costs, education and all) and wait for the golden miracle cure. Because with that cure, all problems would be solved.

If you want to find a "cure", go ahead, that is your right. Stop bashing people who just want to be accepted like the Constitution says they should.

And now... for the other side, just to be fair. Concerns against a "cure".

1: That it will be forced on autistic people to change them: I've said it before and I will say it again: That would be illegal. Also, again, there is no cure. That makes fearing a "cure" at this time akin to fearing the boogeyman.

2: That babies will be aborted: Fact, babies are already being aborted. This cannot and will not have that much of a change on those numbers. How do I know this? Take other medical conditions into account. Down Syndrome; I personally know just as many parents who knew they were having a child with Down Syndrome and didn't abort as any who said they did. For any of these situations there are people of all kinds and beliefs. This makes the abortion concern another empty fear. If you want to be against abortion, then go out and do so. Abortion is real, a "cure" is not. Work with something that is real. You'll get a lot more out of it.

3: People will be told not to have babies or start families if they have autism. That is discriminatory and should be reported if any social worker says this to you. No one has the right to tell you if you can have kids. Naturally, there are situations where a person is unfit to have children in the first place. That's different. But, if you are fit, and there's every chance you are, report any worker who says that to you. Report any nurse too. It's discrimination, simple as that.

For people who actually believe that load of tripe about avoiding having children if you autism, I have this: You need to do some research and get an education. If you want to save the world from medical conditions or "types" of people, there are plenty of deadly lifestyles and diseases you can take up arms against. Maybe you could help against crime or drug addiction? You know, things that are actually KILLING people. How about standing against spousal and child abuse? Just a thought.

Diversity is needed, it stands with historical evidence into the dark ages. It has nothing to do with seeking a cure. Mixing them just creates uneducated fear.

So, one more time: A "cure" has nothing to do with the fact that all people deserve acceptance and understanding. ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.

Autism and Fear of Storms

2011-06-09T07:28:00.000-07:00

I received a message from Ashley who said: "I'm wondering if you've had the experience of maybe you child becoming overly obsessive about bad weather conditions? With the tornado warnings and every thing recently my son has been really worried about it... thanks for any help you could lend."

The weather is a larger than life and ominous force to a child. If your child is on the spectrum and is sensitive to routine (almost all of them are) then the weather serves as even more of an anxiety. It's hard to feel safe and secure with something a million times your size that you see no routine in. If you think seasonal changes are tough, try having your child obsess over daily weather conditions.

Now add in seasonal conditions like tornadoes and floods. We see their destruction on television all the time. Our kids see that and say "oh no!". They associate the condition globally. What happens in one place, happens everywhere. My son is afraid of floods. For a while, rain water that could fill just the gutter, was enough to incite panic. It still takes some reassurance today when rain starts coming down hard. Now, he studies tornadoes, volcanoes, and other giant weather factors as a source of fascination. It helps that school has supported educational issues on his fears as well as myself.

First, we have to understand that this is a real fear and we shouldn't diminish it or punish it.

Second, we have to understand that resolving this will not happen overnight. It will take some time and repeated application of education and support.

Third, use education. Find age appropriate books about weather that he can look at for himself (yes, or herself). Teach him about weather as it applies to where you live. There are even books on fearing weather as children. I don't have the titles but your local library can help you.

Teach him what to do in bad weather and give him his own weather kit with blanket, flashlight, and radio. Reinforce that he has a family that loves him and will protect him. Show him that safety from weather is done as a family at home or a team effort at school.

If he's old enough, show him how to check the weather. If, not, check it on your internet and show him. Education is the answer. Love, support and education will help your child understand that the weather is something we have to live with, but we understand it and know what to do for safety in bad weather.

Remember, our autistic kids work best with direct simple facts. It also helps to make learning about weather an accomplishment of some kind to boost confidence. Use lots of praise for learning, even if it doesn't seem to affect your child because of their autism.

Defiance and Respect in Autism Youth

2011-06-07T06:41:00.000-07:00

This blog is dedicated to a question from Kimberly, who asked: "My teen who has Autism is overly dramatic and has a hard time with accepting no as an answer is this typical or is mine just out of control?"

First of all, it's likely a lot more typical than you realize. From age 9 where puberty starts kicking in, through the teen years, you are seeing a mixture of the autism and hormones. This can make your standard teen drama and angst look like a trip to Disneyland.

You can expect over-reactions to most things as well as snippy attitudes and excessive, "my parents don't know anything" attitude.

This is a LINK I posted on my Facebook profile recently. Scroll down and check out the advice given for a 9 year old (that's how old my son is too).

For a teen, I would suggest pretty much the same approach. Pick your battles. When given a consequence he's going to tell you off. Ignore it. Yes it's disrespectful, but the more you give it the time of day, the more you help create the power struggle. I've learned this the hard way. Since then, I've taken parenting classes at Boys Town (I think you can order their tapes, they were very helpful to me) and joined a parenting support group. Maybe there's one in your area?

Another thing to remember, is that our autism kids are delayed in emotional development significantly to a varied point of years. Add that to all those teen hormones and, well, you read what I said above.

Here are a couple other links with advice on dealing with autistic teens:

Conduct Disorders Website: Scroll down in the answers for what people had to say after you check out the lady's problems with her teen son.

Autisable website: An interesting blog article on parenting the autistic teen.

I like the idea of meeting an outburst with uncomfortable silence and a blank stare. My 9 year old has the tendency to tell me, just like the one teen boy, that I will not exercise what ever consequence I just informed him of. It happens anyway, without another word. If he throws a fit and breaks his toys, they are gone for good. Anything he throws that doesn't break is lost to him for several days. Currently it's 3 and that seems to annoy him down the line. He wants it eventually and I shake my head and tell him: "I can't give it to you because you threw it in a tantrum. You will get it back on Friday (or whatever day is 3 out)." This makes it appear a rule I also have to follow. It shows that rules are followed by everyone and actions have consequences.

Our kids need tons and tons of practice and there is no overnight solution. Just know that you are not alone in your struggles with your autistic teen.

Police, Emergency services and Autism, what you can do

2011-05-25T05:52:00.000-07:00

I recently had some interesting responses to an old Hub Pages article I wrote on what to do about an autistic meltdown, should you (as someone who isn't necessarily experienced) be faced with one. That article is HERE for the reading.

Amongst responses is the general disagreement on calling police in the situations for fear they'll only make things worse. Thanks to media sources and happenings across the globe, this is a legitimate fear. Even with good programs available to help all of our emergency services, too many departments still aren't educated on autism. Reports of autistic persons being tazed or tackled still come up.

With police, the simple fact is that training is meant to keep them alive. It is not geared toward handling autism in the first place. So when they come across a weird and escalating situation, they will subdue first and ask questions later. Remember, police routinely face situations were a gun or knife could pop out of anywhere. People go violent on them all the time. It's a high stress environment that can and will kill you if you aren't on your toes.

What we need to do is offer the education to our departments. There is no reason that any of you can't take this information, walk into the police department and make them aware of it (nicely). The same goes for any emergency department. Offer it to City Hall for that matter. Make it known and always approach as a 'friend'. We can make changes and make a difference. So, first, what are these sources?

First let me introduce you to the work of Dennis Debbaudt (yes, click on his name for the website). Dennis is nationally known now for his program geared toward helping emergency services with autistic persons. He has a series of books and videos and a very impressive resume of appearances. You could say that Dennis is loaded with information. You can even write or call him directly for additional information or advice on approaching your emergency services.

Next, Bill Cannata who is with the ALEC program. That stands for Autism and Law Enforcement Coalition. Click on the name to see the website. Bill has direct experience as the Captain of a fire department. ALEC offers a training program for all forms of emergency services in handling persons with autism. Make sure to check out the website and take it down in notes to offer to your emergency divisions.

Next I'm going to actually direct you to another blog; Autism 101 for Fire and Rescue. Yep, another link there. It's a long posting and offers some of the info I've given here, but you'll also find a couple of informative checklists further down as well as a host of more links. Take this info to offer to your local services.

With all that, how do you approach them? How do you get them to take part? Well, here's my take on that.

1: Always approach as a friend. You purpose is not just for your own autistic family members, but for the community as a whole. Understanding of autism can increase officer safety, civilian safety, and save critical time in emergencies. As a member of the autistic community, you can get organized and offer this information for all involved.

2: Show numbers. Help them to understand just how many members of the community have autism. Help them see a need. Use current news of the area and incident reports to support the interest. Remember, be friendly! Anger or outbursts will get you shut out or in legal trouble.

3: If you are treated poorly or turned away (rudely perhaps), use the "chain of command". Go to the head of the hospital, Mayor's office of your city, Representatives, Senators, or even Governor. Offer them the same information and show concerns and numbers accordingly. Tell them about your experience with the people who work under them and your disappointment.

4: Don't give up. You can be heard and improvements can be made. Just always be friendly and polite. Give flyers and information packets. Be organized and neat. And contact the resources I've listed here for their input on that matter too.

It's also a good idea to let emergency services know there is an autistic person in your home. It's okay that they know you or your autistic family member. Some people even have stickers on their door for emergency information.

Hopefully, this information helps you make better connections with your local agencies for the betterment of community. Please feel free to share your own ideas and this blog.

Bullying and Suicide: A Special Message

2011-05-17T06:43:00.000-07:00

See that picture? I drew it a long time ago. It's called "Persecution" and it's what bullying looks and feels like. Click on it to see it up close.

I've been seeing commercials and reports for the "It gets better" project. Along with that there is the Trevor Project. Now, these are geared toward teens who are gay or lesbian and that's fine. Bullying is wrong and no one should be pushed to the point of killing themselves. It's a tragedy. I'm not part of that particular walk of life, but I did survive severe bullying myself. That's why I'm coming forward with something to say on the matter.

As far as I'm concerned, bullying someone (especially to death) for their orientation of race, religion or sexual orientation is a hate crime (and should be if it isn't).

I want to point out, if you are reading this and you are considering suicide because of bullying (and you are gay, lesbian, transgender, or questioning) you should contact the Trevor Project at 866- 4 U Trevor (866-488-7386). While you're at it, you should visit http://www.itgetsbetter.org/ (CLICK IT!) and view videos of what people like you have to say. Or try my video:

Now, what if you are being bullied for some other reason? It's no less wrong and every bit as serious. I was bullied simply because I'm different. The bullies thought my odd reactions were hilarious and were willing to do anything to get them. No one knew about my Asperger's syndrome at the time, but that's purely academic. Wrong is wrong. I was poked with pins and pencils, knocked down stairs, shut part way in lockers by groups of kids, and walked home bloody two or three times a week. I had to plan escape routes every day. Junior High was hell. I failed 7th grade, and no wonder. I couldn't walk down the hall, sit in class, or anything without being taunted and tormented. You'd think it would get noticed right? HA! Think again. Let me tell you about the mindset I was dealing with... and it's still out there.

MAJORITY RULES: Teacher says: "Well, David, there are three of them and one of you, so who's story do you think get's believed? You should stop trying to get people in trouble." Bullies are conniving and know how to work the system. Somehow, in a sick twist of reality, majority means honesty. It's a numbers racket considering the bullies as "witnesses" rather than bullies. Three witnesses outweighs one, right? Never mind the fact that I was the child in tears and they were the ones with big ol smiles on their faces. How did that happen?

THE SQUEAKY WHEEL IS THE CULPRIT: So I'm sitting in class and the kid behind me stabs me in the back with a nice sharp pencil. Of course I cry out. Now, because of all the difficulties, I look like the "problem child", so any noise I make is automatically wrong. I get punished for disturbing class. The bully is practically in stitches trying not to fall out of his own desk laughing. Now on the flip side, I've also had kids call out "David stop it!" when nothing was happening, they still believed the bullies. I was thrown out of class a couple of times. Anyone still wondering how I failed 7th grade?

I considered suicide more times than I care to admit, but there it was. As of today, I don't believe in suicide. I have four great kids and a wonderful lady who loves me. I wouldn't have any of those things if I took my own life.

But it's hard. Being bullied makes you feel worthless and helpless. I contributes to conditions of depression. Imagine being in a deep dark hole that you can't climb out of. Passers by know you are there, but they won't help you. Instead, they mock you, laugh at you and occassionally throw something at you. You can't respond, you can't fight back or you are the one who is punished. You may as well be restrained for everyone's twisted pleasure. That's how wrong it feels. Now it's a matter of survival.

Yes there are programs for anti-bullying now, but more are still needed. I get stories all the time about our autistic kids getting bullied while teachers tell them to just suck it up. I'm sure it's the same for any victim no matter why they were bullied.

But, if you are being bullied, no matter who you are; don't take your own life. As they say, it does get better. You can overcome. And if you don't think you could call the numbers above, try 1-800-SUICIDE for the national suicide hotline.

Please know that you are not alone. Bullying has been around a long time and has many survivors and victims. We want you to survive. Pick up the phone, get online, call someone. Make contact! Don't give your life to the bullies. They aren't worth it.

Moving makes changes

2011-05-05T06:43:00.000-07:00

Yes, I'm moving. By June 15 I should be in Louisiana. It's been nice here in Wisconsin and I've met some good people. One of those people has become very important to my son and I. Important enough to move with her and start a new chapter in life.

Moving is change. Change is hard on the autistic most times. So it makes sense that you prepare your child for the change as much in advance as possible. I've shown my son all the positives of the move and referred to it as "our next big adventure". Those words work well for my little hero "adventurer". He relates well with those words. If it's an adventure, he's all for it.

Currently he's excited for the big move and is showing interest in how to pack things and wants to be helpful. I'm sure, once we get on the road in the big truck (that he's also excited about) he'll discover boredom and not be quite so excited. Well, that's the reality of moving, especially when you move about 900 miles. Our destination, the city of Monroe.

So, there will be an interruption of blogs at that time, and I will certainly update on our adventure and how the move has gone. What worked for my kiddo won't necessarily work for yours. You have to use the things that your child associates with. Favorite stores? Favorite kind of parks? What is in the new area that you know your child loves and is connected to? Well, I have to do some house cleaning, so enjoy your warmer days and we'll update soon.

Autism Controversy: Belief or Disbelief and miseducation

2011-04-27T06:24:00.000-07:00

Once in a while you can still come across someone who simple doesn't think that some form of autism doesn't exist. They think it's some kind of elaborate scam either by families or the "big pharma" to get money.

If you are dealing with autism I'm sure you wish you were getting money because of how much treatments cost. That being said, "big pharma" isn't raking in the bucks either for the same reason. Now the pharmaceutical companies are not the controversy I really want to get into here, so that's for next time. This time it's the struggle to get some people, sometimes important people to believe autism exists.

I'm talking about teachers, principles, some media platforms, and even doctors. The number of disbelievers has dwindled in the last few years, but they are still out there and can do immeasurable damage. A prime example of that damage is Mike Savage.

Back in 2008, radio show host, Michael Savage had this to say about autism: "fraud, a racket. ... I'll tell you what autism is. In 99 percent of the cases, it's a brat who hasn't been told to cut the act out. That's what autism is. What do you mean they scream and they're silent? They don't have a father around to tell them, 'Don't act like a moron. You'll get nowhere in life. Stop acting like a putz. Straighten up. Act like a man. Don't sit there crying and screaming, idiot."

This caused a massive outcry and picketing to remove Mr. Savage from his job on his very political talk show. It also caused a massive clash between his loyal listeners and anyone who disagreed with what he had to say. The danger of making a general statement like that (especially in the context delivered) is that it creates a misrepresentation of the condition. I literally came across hundreds of online comments to the tune of "oh, you have autism? Mike Savage says you're a fake" and that was one of the tame ones. There were even teachers and medical professionals who took to the political sense rather than the medical and it affected how they in turn treated autistic students and patients. The clash was a major chain reaction that caused a great deal of conflict. This is not to start a debate over Michael Savage, so such comments won't even be entertained. I say that, because I've already been in long tirade discussions that get absolutely no where on the matter with anyone who thinks disagreeing with this guy is a blight on humanity.

When a teacher thinks Asperger's is just an excuse for bad behavior, she inhibits that child's support system and injures him or her mentally and emotionally. This happens in places like Florida and Arkansas. My next example of making waves is Wendy Portillo, a school teacher in Port St Lucie, Florida. Also in 2008, she made headlines for having her kindergarten class students, stand up one by one, and vote young Alex Barton out of his class for "bad behavior". Each student was forced to say something negative about Alex before voting him out. I can only imagine the results on his psyche. Mrs. Portillo lost a year of work, but was given her job back with support of the community. Yes, dozens of parents, and over a hundred supporters, came forward to give some kind of testimony to the board that Wendy Portillo was awesome and should have her job back. Was it forgiveness or did all these people hate autism? Is that a sign of just how much autism education is needed? I think so. As it is, Wendy thanked all her followers by getting in trouble yet again in 2010 for mistreatment of a partially deaf student. I wonder if all the same people will come forward to dump on a deaf child's integrity too? Sorry, in any case, it goes to show just how much some actions can create shockwaves that damage our community world wide. All the students in Alex Barton's class were taught something very wrong and they attribute it to autism. The public demonstration shows the same line of thinking.

There is a dangerous ignorance out there and it can do a great amount of damage to treatment possibilities, public education, and public opinion of people with autism. It's why we must be vigilant in teaching the truths of autism to anyone who cares to learn. It's our children's world next. How will it treat them?

Autism Controversy: Vaccines

2011-04-20T14:11:00.000-07:00

As promised I want to talk about the vaccine issue and autism. You can't talk about that issue without talking about Andrew Wakefield, so he's right at the heart of it.

Despite what one might think, Andrew Wakefield is not the end all source of lawsuits or complaints about reactions to vaccines. Those have been around for a long time. Every time a doctor's office administers a vaccine there's a healthy little speech given about the possibility of reactions. There are cases of judges finding in favor of the complainant family for vaccine damage. What happened with the reports of Andrew Wakefield, was an explosion of those complaints and massive increase in families refusing to vaccinate their children at all. It's also created another wide divide in the autism community to the point that it's not safe to have too much of an open opinion on the matter. I'm taking my chances just saying what I've said so far.

I don't really want to get into the whole argument on if Wakefield was right or wrong. Wakefield maintains himself as innocent while his own government says otherwise. I will say that you don't just lose your medical license without any corroborative evidence, but that's a lot of info to put here. Instead, try these links; Wikipedia, BBC News, Sunday Times, Science-Based Medicine, and if you google him it goes on and on and on. Wakefield has a near celebrity status that earned him a book deal and currently has about 4900 friends on his facebook page. Yes, I have him on my associations too, but not because I believe or disbelieve him, rather because Andrew Wakefield (one way or another) is part of autism.

I do believe that the reports put out did trigger a massive scare that caused the reported rise in Measles and quite possibly other diseases as well. Just so we're clear, measles (without vaccine)can be a FATAL disease. It can and will KILL. So the decision to avoid vaccines is not one to be taken lightly. Sadly, it has been taken all too lightly and an entire anti-vaccine movement with multiple fanatical splinter groups has been in full swing for a good couple years now. Why do I say fanatical? Because they don't want to stop at the measles vaccine, they want to abolish all of them.

How controversial are vaccines in general? Check out this LINK. And for another view check out the Skeptic's Dictionary, great article there.

In that article of the Skeptic's Dictionary, Robert Carroll notes that the AVM is at least "two-pronged". One side dismisses vaccines having any connection with reduction of disease. The other blames vaccines directly for disease or disorders (autism). The claims they use often come under fire as noted in Popular Science.

Now I did go searching for websites of AVM activists, but they are actually not easy to find with exception of Jenny McCarthy and Andrew Wakefield. Rather than mainstream magazine articles or websites, you find scattered blogs and some local groups. Many are on facebook or myspace and don't appear to operate too much in the public eye. That's not to say there isn't literature by AVM activists and books, they are named in the links I provided above.

So, autism, is it caused by vaccines? If autism is triggered by vaccine, and there is currently no accepted evidence that it is, but if it is... it's not responsible for all forms of autism. It can't be. Scientists are still struggling to find any definite cause of autism. The only solid factor found so far is that autism in some forms is hereditary. Even that is not a "cause" it's just a lasting continuity that bridges parent to child genetically. It doesn't say where it came from or why it's there in the first place. Are damages from vaccines possible? Sure they are. But note that risks are there with all medical procedures, even if minimal.

My kids are vaccinated as am I. I do not believe that caused my autism. I happen to know of older relatives in my family with Asperger's which is believed to be hereditary.

If you are trying to avoid autism or any other non-lethal condition by not vaccinating your children, you should weigh this carefully with the possibility of the consequences that can be lethal. Autism has not killed anyone. Measles, polio, and others that vaccines are made against have.

Instead of fighting over vaccines and possibly endangering lives, we should work on enriching lives and getting support for children who have autism.

Autism Controversy: The Cure

2011-04-12T06:41:00.000-07:00

In this series of my blog articles I am going to talk about the most controversial points in autism. These are points that divide us and cause us to attack each other with abandon, especially on the internet. Not just the internet though, as it has gone as far as picketing and lawsuits. But what does all that really achieve?

People of the autistic society can be very dramatic and overly driven people. That's an important first point to understand. We suffer from tunnel vision when we set our sights on a topic and what we feel about that topic. We can be driven into a "let's get'em" mentality with our over developed sense of justice and what wrongs us personally. To that note, we are famous for over internalizing situations to a point that taking offense is all too easy. As a disclaimer, I'm not saying that every single person with autism is like this, but I am saying it's quite common. We are also very driven by our senses that have us off balance much of the time.

As you can see by the title, the first area of controversy that I'm going to discuss is the ever aggravating "cure". This one may be the biggest area of autism controversy every. It's incited huge divisions of our community to go against each other with as much mudslinging, malicious ads, picketing, and hate as any religion or politics could hope to show. Now I'm going to make a very general statement that both sides may not care for: This is wrong on all sides. Now I'll impart the reasons why.

1: There is no cure: We spend a lot of time getting very bent out of shape over something that doesn't exist. Whether it's because we "want" a cure as some do or because we don't want one forced on us. What this comes down to is the argument of even looking for a cure. Half of the community takes great internalized offense at this while the other is labeled as "curbies" (a hate term, people, think about it). All of it is fueled by fear and mistrust. The bottom line, however, is that a cure simply does not exist. As it is, I don't see one happening in our lifetime or maybe even ever at all. We need to stop internalizing the seeking of a cure as a threat and consider the people who are looking and the life stories of the people that want one. I would love to "cure" some of the issues that I deal with as an autistic person and don't believe I would be lost at all. Having my senses more leveled out would be nice so that the sun doesn't give me migraines and some sounds don't bring me to my knees, think about that. On the other side, those who want to cure "Autism" as they don't tell you what areas they are trying to cure, need to be more specific to help calm the waters here. Curing autism is not a threat, cannot be forced on anyone and as of now, doesn't even exist.

Like the Unicorn, just not real.

2: It's invasive: Both sides feel invaded by the other. Another point to think about carefully. Why do you think that is? Take a family with a 13 year old boy who cannot talk, dress himself, feed himself or otherwise care for himself at all. Put them at a "cure" rally and have a non-cure type approach and lecture them for trying to "cure" their son. That's wrong. First of all, no one has the right to condemn anyone or any family for their medical choices.

If you do this and don't know them personally, don't know what they are dealing with, don't know how they feel or what any of their struggles are, you are out of line. Same goes with anyone lecturing you that you should cure yourself. You simply don't have enough facts to make a judgment. Also, just because someone wants to "cure" themselves or a family member for what ever reason... it doesn't mean they want to cure everyone. Yes, it's folly for organizations to talk like they have acceptance of everyone when they don't, but that's the psychology of an organization for you. You're better off ignoring it.

Put those together and what you get is a colossal waste of time and energy for us all. What the autism community needs is more moral support and acceptance, not infighting that will ensure nothing gets done for anyone. As of me writing this article, our government is on the brink of a shutdown thanks to a room full of politicians with the exact same problem. Is that where we want to go?

So here is what we need to do;

1: Stop worrying about the scientists who aren't just looking for "cures" but trying to understand how it works for the sake of everyone (educational).

2: Stop fighting.

3: Remember that NO ONE can force you to take any cure and just because someone else wants their (very different form of...) autism to be "cured" or "adjusted", doesn't mean anything will be directed at you.

4: Allow other families the freedom to make their own choices for themselves without all the excess judgment. If you don't like their decisions, just leave them alone. That's no matter what "side" you are on.

5: Remember there is NO cure. All that can be treated or "cured" are the comorbid side issues that can come along with autism. As it is, how many of those are there? Go try and count them.. good luck. That's why autism as a whole cannot be cured. Many of them are seriously debilitating. Those are the real targets, not you.

Next time: Andrew Wakefield and Vaccines.

Teaching autistic kids hygiene

2011-04-07T07:29:00.000-07:00

It's really my own fault. Yes, there are some special conditions, but I can't blame anyone but myself for my problems with my teeth. Last weekend, I spent some time in the emergency room for extreme mouth pain to check for possibility of a dental abscess or infection. Man did it hurt. It felt like the entire side of my face wanted to break open. So, why didn't I go to a dentist? Well, that's a problem the entire state of Wisconsin is facing right now.

There are thousands of people on state care (Badgercare, Forward card, Medicaid, Medicare, etc.) here and only a handful of dentists who will take that insurance. When I moved here, I had some cavities to take care of. No problem, go to the dentist right? Wrong. The only dentists I could find that would consider my insurance was too far away for me to get to. The Dental collage? Two year waiting list when I called them. Now that I'm considered an "emergency" the surgeon can see me in a few WEEKS. Why? Because there aren't enough dentists who will do the job and accept the insurance. Currently, the standoff between the dentists and the insurance is a threat to my health and that of thousands of others. That is why I now have three broken teeth instead of cavities. Well, there is the point that I am about to make that could have kept me from worrying about any of this garbage.... I could have done a better job taking care of myself.

Especially in these times of idiotic greed from so called professionals who are supposed to represent our health and well being, our kids must learn the importance of their personal hygiene. To do this, I believe we need to understand what gets in the way of using that hygiene properly.

Our autistic children have a couple issues that get in their way. One is that they are very "bottom line" oriented and have a tendency to want to skip steps in things to get to the end result. They don't see a reason to put extra time into things and have to learn where it is important and why. Details matter. They can also suffer the attitude of "why bother, I'm only going to get them dirty again" and that requires use of another set of details. They don't understand that cavities happen over a long period of time. It has to be integrated as a matter of routine too. If it's not routine, it will get dropped. Then there's the matter of "stuck in a rut" where their special interest will overtake hygiene and other issues of actual life importance. A balance has to be planned out and practiced from early on.

Depression and other mental illnesses cloud judgment and can severely affect proper hygiene. Feelings of worthlessness or obsession with certain issues will literally crowd out even feeling the need to practice hygiene. "Why bother" becomes a major danger along with diminished feelings of self worth. If you feel like you are a worthless person you will treat yourself the same. I had a severe period of depression that lasted for several years and hurt me badly. It was also hard for loved ones to see. I'm glad I have my depression under wraps now, but I know how much damage it could do or could have done. Remember, at it's worst, depression can kill. That means any other damage along the way is simple for it.

What things help install those healthy habits?

Routine, routine, routine: Make it a required routine. Make it a requirement before doing two things; leaving the house for school or anything else and going to bed. No matter what you go to bed for, you must brush your teeth before you do. It's that simple. This practice can keep your teeth healthy for decades.

Teach negative consequences: But watch out for the "won't happen to me" attitude. An important consequence for our kids and especially our kids with autism, is social acceptance. Most of them want social acceptance desperately, they have to know right away that personal hygiene is of the utmost importance in having that. No one wants to be near anyone who stinks, for example. Bad breath and rotten teeth are turn offs too. Does he or she want to get along with the opposite sex? Then you must have good hygiene in all it's forms. It's a life lesson. Yes, many of these can turn into positive consequences as well and should be presented both ways.

Example: I know of a child who skips wiping his bottom after going to the bathroom (skipping steps for the end result). We can tell because he also skips flushing. As a matter of hygiene it's constantly reminded and explained. Does he want people to complain that he stinks (which will hurt his feelings)? Of course not. Then, he has to do all the steps and clean himself when he's done. I give him something to associate with, knowing he hates strong smells himself. I remind him how it feels when he comes across something that smells bad to him. If he smells like that to everyone else, what will happen? This is just one example of course, but hopefully you can see some techniques that will help you. It's more important with our health care problems now than ever before.

Another technique I've mentioned before is getting them involved, especially as teens who require more hygiene items than small children. Let them pick the things with scents that won't trigger them and are non-irritating to their skin. Remember, they still have to deal with their autism on top of becoming a teen.

Could Asperger's kids fake behaviors?

2011-03-29T07:16:00.000-07:00

It's important to remember that our children with Asperger's are just that, children. They will grow and learn a variety of behaviors just like any other children will. What can start to get difficult is keeping track of an Asperger's behavior and a "naughty child" behavior. It appears there can be a thin gray line.

So, how do you know when you are dealing with an "aspie" behavior or some "faked" behavior to get away with something?

The first thing is to know your child and how they react. Children with Asperger's are often honest to a fault. At times when my son thought it was funny to try and irritate me, he came right out and said so. It was his honest feeling that such was a funny thing to try and do. That stands as a direct example of how they can get inappropriate social ideas that can and will get them into trouble.

When my son tries to get out of something, he makes up terrible excuses that he believes will get him out of what ever situation he's trying to escape. He will claim that something is "too much" for him, but his reactions will give him away. I know his behaviors and the difference between the excuses and actually getting out of hand.

The bottom line is that we, as parents, stick to our proverbial guns in what we expect. It may take more time and patience, but we set the rules and stick by them. Discipline will not always work in the method of "justice like lightning" and they may require a warning shot first to remind them of where they need to be in behavior. That means that they are informed of what they are doing wrong and given a chance to correct it with consequences fully stated. Information does need to be clear and direct. Also, don't state a consequence you don't intend to deliver.

Finally, our children on the spectrum have to know that just because they have a condition, does not mean they are immune to rules that everyone else has to follow. It's a tricky path, but our kids count on use to teach them so that they have a chance out in the adult world when they get there.

The tests for autism (by name)

2011-03-17T11:14:00.000-07:00

What are the tests used to diagnosis and evaluate autism? I have five tests to tell you about that are used for exactly that. I may do you well to ask about them by name. If your child's school has their own diagnosis team, ask them if they use these tests. If they don't you should ask what kind of criteria they follow and get to know it. Click on the abbreviation to learn more about the test at wikipedia.

ADOS (Autism Diagnostic Observation Schedule): Quote from wikipedia: The ADOS generally takes from 30 to 60 minutes to administer. During this time the examiner provides a series of opportunities for the subject to show social and communication behaviors relevant to the diagnosis of autism.[2] Each subject is administered activities from just one of the four modules. The selection of an appropriate module is based on the developmental and language level of the referred individual. The only developmental level not served by the ADOS is that for adolescents and adults who are nonverbal.[1] A revision, the ADOS-2, is currently in development with a release goal date in early 2011. It will include improved algorithms for Modules 1 to 3 and a new Toddler Module that facilitates assessment in children ages 12 to 20 months.

ADIR (Autism Diagnosis Interview Revised): This long interview requires friends and family of the patient to answer questions about the patient in order to determine a diagnosis. It is often used hand in hand with other tests like the ADOS. I've heard it called the world's longest questionnaire.

CARS (Childhood Autism Rating Scale): Specifically for children, it's not unheard of that school diagnosis teams may use this. Be sure to look at the list of criteria in the link.

ASDS (Asperger's Syndrome Diagnosis Scale): Wikidpedia didn't actually have this one so I had to find a link elsewhere. This test may be a little out of date now since all the forms of autism have been lumped for purpose of diagnosis. Still, you may find the information interesting if not useful.

GAF (Global Assessment of Functioning): The purpose of this test is to see how well you function with your symptoms and if symptoms show themselves or how much they show themselves. My own score was a 45. That puts me in the severe bracket. I can do most of my household things, but burn out quickly and have to rest more than most people do. By the way, as you read the level descriptions, know that there is no frequent shop lifting here (I say with a grin)! This test is also used in determining disability.

So there you have five official and professionally recognized and used tests. Hopefully this gives you a touch more information to use at your fingertips.

He thought he was in trouble...

2011-03-10T06:56:00.001-08:00

This morning my son came to me after getting dressed for his day with something he ached to tell me. He said it like he was confessing some dire crime and expected that he would be punished in some way. This happens once in a great while and I attribute it to the confusion we face in social settings of all kinds. It may seem silly, but it really does make our lives awkward.

"Dad, I didn't want to wake you, but I got up to go to the bathroom last night and got two drinks of water."

I know, how could a child ever be in trouble for something like that? I had always told him it was perfectly okay to get up for such things, but in early bed training days he must have attributed it to being taught not to get out of bed in the middle of the night. Of course, in those days, it meant getting up to empty the refrigerator onto the kitchen floor or climb on top of something. It meant letting the pet rats out and we feared for his safety. He was just too capable a child for his own good. But all that has changed, he's grown into quite a big boy.

For that matter, he was pleasantly surprised by my response: "That was a very big boy thing for you to do." I explained that I would far rather he get up and use the bathroom than have an accident in bed. I also said that it was okay to get a drink of water when he did that. The other difference he may have confused was that, at bedtime itself, he has already gone to the bathroom and had his drink, so another isn't needed. So it's also explained that waking up in the night and having to go is okay.

Finally there's the big boy points for putting himself back to bed when he's afraid of the dark. Big kudos and another look at our perspectives.

Inappropriate social behaviors

2011-03-01T04:37:00.000-08:00

Having difficulties with social interaction can be such a double edged sword. On one side they may be withdrawn and solitary. They may not try to play with other children. They may even claim they don't want to. It's not easy feeling awkward all the time.

But what about the other side of that? The ones who go too far in social interaction because of the intense desire to try and be part of things going on? They may try too hard and push people away or engage in invasive or obnoxious behavior. They may climb all over strangers (as my son did).

My son loves explosions and thinks everything has to explode. Before his meds kick in each day, he's deep in fantasy and can be very loud. Even still, he may run up and "explode" right in someone's face. "BOOM!" "PKOW!" "I'm a bomb!" His meds help him slow down and consider his behavior before he does it and school has been a big help with their support. But you can see how this invasive behavior would drive people away or make them think negatively of a child.

Another angle is inappropriate humor. Humor is a touchy thing socially and handled wrong will cause all sorts of problems. Our kids see humor used and try to do so themselves. Many will just do what they think is funny regardless of the reality. Parents and other kids will find this aggravating and it will bring about a long scale of problems. It could invite negative behavior from other children, even bullying. This is where knowledge about what your child is doing could be helpful. Teachers and probably some students need to know that the real problem is not knowing proper humor. That way, they can give feedback to the autistic child that's helpful rather than hurtful. "That's not funny and I don't appreciate it." Direct social feedback that's important for our children to learn the consequences of their behaviors.

Some may even think that triggering anger and frustration is funny. My son tries very hard to trigger my own autistic senses in the mornings. He finds getting reactions out of others or at least me, to be quite funny. Well, it's funny until he earns a consequence and goes to time out, then it's not funny anymore. Where has he learned that? It's likely he's come across other children who taunt for the same reasons, to see reactions in others.

So, learning to be proper in social circles is a daunting and complicated task. It requires great patience, time and constant support. Yes, there are times I feel like I have to shout because my poor ears are ringing from what ever sound he's droning for attention. On some, he just doesn't get the attention, on others consequences are necessary for learning. Good luck in your social teaching endeavors.

Surprise plans and interruptions

2011-02-22T11:23:00.000-08:00

I remember having trouble dealing with unexpected plans before I knew I had Asperger's. If someone came to me and said, "hey, let's go to a movie," but I had some other idea that I wanted to pursue, I wouldn't like the idea. It didn't matter that going to movies is fun and I should get out and enjoy myself. It was a change from a plan already formed. I would still go, but I felt like the whole thing was in the way of what I was trying to do.

Sudden changes in plan or schedule can be earthshaking to the over-calculative and sensitive autistic. My son has problems very much the same way. On school mornings there are several tasks of routine to be ready to go and get on the bus. In between these tasks he gets a little free time to read a book or play quietly on his own. That's where the trouble comes in. If he's in the middle of something and I give him a "time warning" or tell him that it's time to put his coat on, he may get angry because I'm interrupting his current task.

So, why do we have this problem and why does it take so much adjustment for us to through it? It has to do with the rigidity of our condition. It affects us in a number of ways. Even an expected change can be hard. It just feels awkward to us and when you feel awkward or uncomfortable that triggers natural reactions. My son is very sensitive to having his concentration disturbed. I'm sure part of it is a matter of maturity, but he will have work with this.

Part of being able to co-exist with society is being flexible and able to change tracks on subjects and schedules. As we work with my son, this is being taken into account. It's worked on at school and I work with him at home. I give him warnings that a change is coming up or time to switch activities is about to occur. Even that isn't always enough.

This will take time, practice and lots of explaining. Will it ever feel more comfortable? It still affects me, so I can't say for sure. The awkward feelings require coping. Not everyone with autism is able to do that either. I can tell you it takes small steps and time, though.

It's also important to note, that a negative response should never be taken personally. That off balance, awkward sensation is very intense. I like going to the movies. I like most of the activities that came up sudden. It's the "sudden" that didn't go well.

Speech Therapy

2011-02-14T15:36:00.000-08:00

It's not uncommon to hear that persons diagnosed with autism are directed to try speech therapy. This is because, even with high functioning and verbal autistics, there can be marked difficulty in proper use of words. That includes, what to say, when it's best to to say it and who you should say it to.

Ability to use words and communicate our wants or needs with others is one of the many areas that we have found trouble in. Click HERE for an article at About.com

Here is an excerpt from that explaining what types of communication are considered and worked with:

* Non-verbal communication. This may include teaching gestural communication, or training with PECS (picture exchange cards), electronic talking devices, and other non-verbal communication tools.
* Speech pragmatics. It's all well and good to know how to say "good morning." But it's just as important to know when, how and to whom you should say it.
* Conversation skills. Knowing how to make statements is not the same thing as carrying on conversations. Speech therapists may work on back-and-forth exchange, sometimes known as "joint attention."
* Concept skills. A person's ability to state abstract concepts doesn't always reflect their ability to understand them. Autistic people often have a tough time with ideas like "few," "justice," and "liberty." Speech therapists may work on building concept skills.

For more information on speech therapy and pathology try this link HERE.

This is the OEDb (Online Education Database) and I was contacted with info on the link recently. What you see at the link is a list of blogs with information on speech therapy. I hope you find them helpful

As a special note, I want to mention that I am not against pointing out others work, but I have started receiving a lot of "marketing" requests and I will not be able to post them all. I will review some but this is not going to be a habit when it comes to marketing requests of other websites. Thank you for reading and understanding.

Autism spotlight: A list of Autism information

2011-02-07T06:34:00.000-08:00

I was recently contacted about a list of fifty sites for autism teachers (and families) to learn more about autism. I posted a link on my Facebook page, but if you haven't added me there, then you can find the information at the link below:

Doctoral Degrees: 50 Great Blogs for Autism Teachers

This is an in depth list of autism material. There are plenty of names you may recognize, like Autism Speaks and some that you may not (and that's any guess depending on what you personally will recognize).

In any case I strongly suggest perusing this list for information. I will say, if you are new to autism, 50 blogs in your lap might seem a bit overwhelming. Just take your time and start with general information first. The best places for this can be found in this list but I will just say Autism Society and Autism Speaks for some starting points.

If anything, this only goes to show that you are not alone and there is plenty of information out there with people willing to help you.

Photo credit to same site.

Perceptions in disability

2011-02-02T06:29:00.000-08:00

The other day I was waiting for a bus in the winter cold. I had one of those plastic shelters to sit in and it broke off the wind, but cold is cold. There was a young man walking toward the bus stop and he had a staggered gait that might make you think he was on drugs or drunk. Knowing the possibilities like I do, I realized there could be other reasons. Still, I hoped he wasn't on anything as I was about to sit with him in the bus stop.

He may have been 18, I'm not sure and he wore gloves with the fingers split and worn. His coat had a few holes in it and he sat and rocked slightly facing away from me. He turned toward me slightly and asked if I had the time. His voice showed the struggle to form words that told me he wasn't on drugs. He had a medical condition. The young man has cerebral palsy and meets the challenges of getting through each day with a physical disability.

We got to talking and he told me that he deals with a lot of people who either push him to hard or treat him like and infant. He often wishes they could see him for his critical mind (and he is pretty sharp, let me tell you) and let him set his own pace. When he learned that I'm actually a high functioning autistic his eyes lit up as he saw someone who understands.

Then he said something that I found interesting. He thought that I must be very fortunate that people cannot see my disabilities (as I do have more than autism) so openly. So I discussed this with him and mentioned that there are drawbacks to not being obvious. People have just as hard a time, if not harder, understanding disability that they cannot see. While he gets people who push too hard or treat him like and infant, we get people who feel sorry for us or don't believe us at all.

"So our frustrations really are very much the same," was his thought and realization. And indeed they are. But what we can do is important and can teach others a great deal about us. This young man likes to work on cars. I mentioned that the ones that treat him too much like a child, might be educated to learn how capable he really is. As for the impatient ones, all we can do is shake our head and keep forging forward.

Talking with him was an uplifting experience because we were both able to use some critical thinking, a good exercise for any day. And a normally boring bus ride became much more interesting.

Autism and the law: is Autism an excuse?

2011-01-24T09:07:00.000-08:00

I recently had this question presented to me and it's an interesting one. Advocates opinions will vary, but I will try to explain to you how it is and isn't an excuse.

First of all, when dealing with any disorder of a person who commits a crime, the most important factor is their active knowledge of right from wrong.

If that knowledge is questionable, the person can be put through psychological assessment to determine their competency to stand trial. Even that doesn't guarantee that this person will just be set free back into society, depending on the charges at hand.

That's the second most important issue (or arguably equal in some cases), the offense that has been committed.

Third gets into the details of how the offense took place. Did the persons medical condition cause a situation that was out of their control? That is and has been an applicable defense in cases before.

Example of knowledge of right and wrong: The case of Nick Dubin, the doctor and advocate arrested for downloading child pornography. In the police reports, Dr. Dubin is reported to have admitted he knew it was wrong to do what he did. That admittance (coupled with the fact that he's highly intelligent with a doctorate degree) may be held as evidence that he knew right from wrong. Therefore, autism is not a defense against the crime at hand.

An opposite example could be the case of Zakh Price in Arkansas and other kids like him. Reports indicate he was being restrained and lashed out, kicking the principal. There are many cases like this across the country. Some of these children are being charged with assault. The problem is that their condition may have caused a situation beyond the child's control. A child with a sensory disorder (like with autism), is susceptible to sensory overload. If they are pressured too much, they will be forced into a fight or flight frame of consciousness and could lash out in attempt to get away from the extra sensory issues that are triggering them. Some cases have been dismissed and therefore, autism is an applicable defense.

There are many dynamics in cases and criminal offenses that may take precedence in deciding all of these factors. I should point out that this is the same, however, in any kind of court case. That's why we have courtrooms instead of lynch mobs.

What gets most advocates in an uproar, isn't the fact that someone with autism got arrested and they should just be let off because they're autistic. It's how the arrest occurred, the details and what they were arrested for. In most cases (that advocates care about), the person arrested can be shown to be have been mishandled. There have been cases where a person was arrested for "disturbing the peace" and "resisting arrest" and they turned out to have been severely autistic, otherwise mentally challenged, or even having an all out seizure. One case showed a man arrested for those two things and later proven to have been having a seizure from an allergic reaction. These are cases of clear failures in the legal system at the police level. These are the cases that raise hackles and sensitivities everywhere. It's a scale of unfair treatment that we want to see corrected. The only way to correct it is with education.

So, no, advocates do want a free ride for criminals. And that also should not be compared to wanting autistics accepted for being able to live life like anyone else or allowed to live life with equal rights as anyone else. We should also beware of anyone who tries to create stigma against all advocates or all autistics based on one advocate opinion or one person who commits a crime claiming to have autism.

So I leave you with this, 1) get all facts.
2) If you commit a crime and demonstrate that you knew it was wrong, you will likely be prosecuted no matter what conditions you live with.

Behavior breakthroughs

2011-01-19T07:14:00.000-08:00

When your spectrum child has a breakthrough with anywhere in their behaviors, do you praise them? You should. Let me tell you about a breakthrough in my son's behaviors. Panic in unsecured situations is fairly normal for any child. On the spectrum, it takes more to get used to odd situations than for a typical child.

When we left for a Christmas vacation in Louisiana, to spend time with my girlfriend's family, we took off early in the morning. Snow blew heavily and we dealt with treacherous roads to get out of town. We didn't make it out of town for that matter. Ten minutes into our drive we slid into a ditch between and exit road and the highway. We had to be towed out. My son felt panic, naturally and had to be constantly reassured that we would be pulled out by the towtruck we called. We were safely pulled out and on our way with no further incident. The trip was a great success and lots of fun.

A couple weeks ago, we were driving my beat up little Geo Tracker from Oshkosh to Sheboygan. The engine rattled and got quite noisy. Smoke billowed from the rear. We were in trouble and it was dark out. I knew the engine was going, but I had to push it as far as I could. We couldn't be stranded in the cold and the dark. I was sure that Denver would panic and be afraid of trips or something.

Instead, he looked up from his DS he played and said in a matter of fact tone: "Uh oh, we might need a towtruck, Dad." No panic at all.

As luck, fate or Guardian Angel might have it, we managed to get just into the parking lot of a convenience store before we rolled to a stop. We had even coasted with no engine power at all for the last eighty yards or so. My son was able to sit indoors in safety, at a table to play his DS while we waited for the towtruck and my girlfriend to rescue us. I commended my son for his fine handling of himself because he really did do a good job with the situation. Often, situations that are out of our control are our greatest challenges. He did a great job, and I'm very proud of him.

Our high functioning kids (especially them), do have the capability to learn and grow. Watching for those milestones can be uplifting and should be commended.

Autism: Why get diagnosis?

2011-01-13T05:28:00.000-08:00

You aren't having any difficulties and it's been suggested that you may be on the spectrum. Or maybe that's the story for your child? Either way, why bother with diagnosis if you aren't having any difficulties?

Getting a diagnosis isn't always about having difficulties today. It's preparing for difficulties in the future. Few of us have the luxury of a crystal ball and feeling confident about your future and standing in life is all well and good. Unfortunately, life is just not so certain.

Even if you never make use of a diagnosis in your medical records, it gives you something to fall back on. New developments are cropping up every year in services and benefits that you may be eligible for if you need them. Getting proper diagnosis opens those doors for you. If you never need them, good for you, but you should be prepared ahead of time.

Early diagnosis is especially important for our children. Sure, they may not be having difficulties now, but as they get older and life cycles change, they may need the additional supports that are available to children on the spectrum. Studies have shown that early support is more successful than waiting until later. You can find such reports in most medical diagnosis for all kinds of conditions.

I've talked to lots of parents who have fallen into the dismissive "it's just" trap. They don't bother getting diagnosis, despite warnings, because they deny or dismiss the problem. "Oh, Joey's just acting out". That's a dangerous attitude and I've seen the results first hand. I've been approached by parents who find themselves in a desperate situation after years of dismissal. They often say something to me like, "we thought it was..." and then they got surprised when the problem didn't just go away.

Autism doesn't just go away. It's a permanent condition but not the end of the world. It is treatable and controllable in various levels. The early you get the support that's needed, the better (even if you don't have to use it right away). If you don't go and find out what support or treatment is available, get diagnosis, learn about it, you'll only have yourself to blame.

Autism, the invisible community

2011-01-06T11:43:00.000-08:00

One of the things that make it difficult to show need for understanding is the fact that autism (and similar conditions) are self masking. They aren't as obvious as physical conditions or some other mental affected conditions. As we walk around we look just like anyone else. I believe this makes the discrimination and stigma we run into harder to fight.

I think we get more of the ignorant responses or questions than most because of this fact. People say uneducated things like; "Why should you get special treatment?" or "Why can't you just be normal?" or "What's wrong with you?". The fact is, so long as there are comments like these, they answer themselves.

"Why should you get special treatment?" : For one there's the Americans with Disabilities Act and all the anti-discrimination laws that go with it. The fact that someone feels the need to ask such a careless question proves that there isn't enough understanding, compassion or education on the matter. Maybe when more people show those qualities in understanding (I prefer understanding over "treatment"), we won't have to try so hard to accomplish that.

"Why can't you just be normal?" First, define normal. Then point out ten people in the immediate public vicinity you can guarantee fit your description. This lack of tolerance is shown in many ways. It's shown by public displays of intolerance with rude glances and comments of many kinds. "Why can't you control your child?" and other fine gems. Again, the question answers itself. The autistic community is very large while mostly still invisible. If you understood, you wouldn't ask such demeaning questions.

Next is the point that has been made to me, to just blow off ignorant people who talk to me like that. If I were only talking about the casual observer, I would agree whole heartedly. You can't educate everyone. There are plenty of people who's minds are closed and locked to all information. But I'm not just talking about a casual observer at the grocery store or mall or restaurant.

I'm talking about employers who treat their employees to this behavior. I'm talking about teachers who give this ignorant attitude to their special needs students. I'm talking about relatives, parents, and even caretakers. Almost all of them come off with, "You don't look any different" or some such similar comment. They don't believe what they can't "see" in physical aspect. I'm talking about people who really need that education and understanding. It would save people from losing jobs, students their academic standing, and families from breaking apart.

So, when someone wants to know "why", tell them to come and read this. Tell them that just because they can't see it instantly for themselves, doesn't mean it isn't real. Good luck, many of you know just what I'm talking about.

Our holidays 2010

2010-12-29T06:59:00.000-08:00

So, how was your holiday? Did you remember or have a way for your spectrum child to take a break or de-stress? Did you have to use any of your safeguards? Well, our holiday season has been quite an adventure.

We took a journey in an 18 hour drive to Louisiana. This made for bored 8 year old in the back seat for a very long time. The drive down there from Wisconsin was done all in one shot. Yes we stopped for breaks and gas (ha ha). To go on this trip and when I have done others, an activity center is available for my son. It involves a small bin of his favorite toys, his DS game console, coloring books, crayons, and anything else that may help distract him. Distractions did not work so well on the trip to LA. So, needless to say, it was a hard trip. But let me tell you just a little more.

We left in the middle of heavy snow and ten minutes into our journey we were in a ditch. We needed a tow truck to winch us out and that certainly made for an interesting start and an agitated child who went into anxiety land. When I travel as a passenger I have to take dramamine. It's part of my sensory issues. Well, I forgot and got nice and nauseated on the trip in the first hour after being back on the road. But I took my med and felt better in another hour. After that, except for sore legs and buttocks from driving, and a whining child, things went fine. The weather cleared and all went smoothly. We got in to our destination around 9 pm and crashed thankfully on an air mattress.

Our stay was great. My son never really needed any retreat and enjoyed playing with a boy close to his age. He also spent some quality time with dogs. My son is afraid of dogs but he got to meet dogs that were genuinely nice and did him a great deal of good. This includes a total of five dogs in two different homes. One of them was one of the sweetest German Shepherds you could hope to meet. My son got to play in a huge back yard, jump on a trampoline, and just have an all out good time. We also tried new foods, like a four meat gumbo (chicken, shrimp, crawfish, and sausage). Our holiday meal was a feast of great proportions and of excellent selections. I mustn't forget to mention that we also took a trip to the zoo in Monroe. Most enjoyable.

Christmas morning was exciting and my son was beside himself with his gifts. New games for his DS that actually worked on keeping him distracted on the drive home. He had a couple of fits, but no where near where my own anxieties dwelled.

We broke up the drive home into two days and even that still had us exhausted. It was easier on kiddo though, and us too. His DS kept him distracted along with an IPOD that my girlfriend put some apps on for him. Mostly the DS though.

I'm not saying my son's behavior was perfect though. He was way out of routine and that caused some erratic behaviors and a tough bedtime and one tough morning. But, like it said, it was better than I thought. I hope that all your holidays turned out wonderful. Best of luck as we head into a new year!

Understanding Autism for Dummies in depth

2010-12-16T05:17:00.001-08:00

So what does this book really have to offer? In my last blog article I told you about one in particular section. Today I am going to tell you just what this book has to offer you and why I think it will help a lot of families.

First of all, the "For Dummies" franchise has a reputation for making information simple enough for the "layman" who doesn't know jack about the subject at hand. This book carries that reputation nicely. I have to admit, I will likely be quoting this book often as a resource in the future. This book is written by Stephen M. Shore and Linda G. Rastelli (and EdD and MA respectively).

In the beginning of the book is a handy cheat sheet with exceptional information listed as: Inquiring about Interventions, Important Acronyms, What to have on an emergency ID card, Helpful autism websites, Getting the most out of your child's education, Preparing for emergencies, Communicating with autistic people. And the ID card has a front AND back with great info.

The foreword is written by Temple Grandin, nuff said on the department. It compliments the book nicely and you just have to read to see for yourself on that one.

The rest of the book is neatly arranged and meant to be read in the parts you need. You don't have to read the book cover to cover thanks to the indexing and chapter positions. Each part of this book and it's chapters are clearly labeled. Here they are:

Part One: Understanding Autism: This section is all about classifications, treatments in general, ideas on where autism comes from, getting a diagnosis, and where Asperger's fits on the spectrum.

Part Two: Addressing physical needs: Medications and treatments are talked about here. Biochemistry and nutrition are also touched on in this section.

Part Three: Enhancing learning and social skills: I'm going to list the chapters as they appear, should tell you all you need to know about this section:
-Choosing an appropriate behavioral, developmental or educational intervention.
-Dealing with learning and sensory differences.
-Finding a learning environment that fits your child's needs.
-Legally speaking; Making the most of your child's education.
-Fostering healthy relationships.

Part Four: Living with autism as an adult: This is about life after high school and touches on special needs planning and getting into healthy relationships. It even talks about romantic relations and adult friendships.

Part Five: The part of tens: This section is where the quotes are in dealing with things that people say and do in public regarding you or your child. It includes the first ten things you should do after a diagnosis.

The appendix lists a long line of places to go for more help. The whole book goes farther and deeper into the information that I show here. It's a book with more than 300 pages and all of them are very useful.

Nothing is perfect for everyone, but if you wanted to get a guide on autism, this is the place to start. I got my book for less than fifteen bucks (including shipping) on Amazon. It's cover price is still affordable at 19.99. You may be able to find it at used book stores too for even less. Check around and get this book. I can't advise it enough. Every autism library should have it.

Understanding Autism for Dummies

2010-12-06T06:08:00.001-08:00

How do you tell people your child has autism? How do you tell people you have autism?

This is one of the questions that was presented when I asked friends on Facebook what readers want to know about autism. It's a very good question. In looking at that question there is a reality we need to take into consideration.

Most strangers just don't care. They only care about what irritates them as they move around in public.

I know that seems harsh, but it's true. While we want the general public to understand our child, it really only matters for those who will be working with him or her directly. It counts for those who are supposed to care about our children, be teaching them or spending copious amounts of time with them. That is where to start in telling anyone that our kids have autism.

Now, in continuing to answer this question I want to tell you about a book I recently purchased on Amazon for about 15 bucks (including shipping) called, Understanding Autism for Dummies. You may already know of the "for dummies" series. It's excellent in "dumbing down" technical information to make it easy for just about anyone to understand. Let me tell you about this book by Stephen M. Shore EdD and Linda G Rastelli MA with foreward by Temple Grandin... it's a GOOD book!

I will go more into the makings of this book that you should go buy RIGHT NOW in another posting, but for now I want to go over chapter 17. It's about Ten ways to respond to questions or comments that you will deal with and may recognize. Please note, I am going to quote the book somewhat directly with proper credit intended to the authors. I am going to do this in the format of the comment, followed by why it's inappropriate (it's problem) and responses the book suggests. You should get the book for the full message.

Comment: What's his special talent?
Problem: Reduces your child or you to the status of a circus performer or social oddity (though the question is innocent enough and not usually intended to be rude).
Responses: "Some autistic children have special talents and some don't, just like the rest of us. What's your special talent?"
"I don't know, but I can tie my tongue into a knot."
"We don't think of him that way. We think everything he does shows talent, considering how hard he has to work to overcome his disability."

Comment: Why can't you control your kid?
Problem: Assumes you are just a bad parent.
You can tell this person that your child has autism if you like. I have found, in some communities, people are getting more understanding. They lose the glare, nod and walk away. But some can't be helped. The book doesn't really give responses in this, rather advice. Don't let these people get to you. Yeah, easier said than done, but you have to remind yourself that this person simply doesn't KNOW. Some things I have said when someone gets invasive on the point:

"Sorry, but standing there staring is rude too."
"Thanks for your input, have a nice day."

Then I ignore them.

Comment: Asperger snausberger, he looks fine, he just needs a better attitude.
Problem: Dismissal of his condition and what I like to call "assumption of brathood".
This falls in with the above and the book makes a suggestion here. You can carry pamphlets on autism education or a card that simply has the name of a website such as Autismsociety.org. The follows the same train of thought I have after that. You can only educate the open minded. Pass them by after that. You have your hands full enough without them.

Comment: Who did he inherit it from?
Problem: Implies that someone is to blame.
You tell them that genetic research has found that there are hereditary factors but they are very hard to be sure of. Or, you can go for the humorous angle and claim responsibility with pride. If your spouse is with you, the two of you can both claim responsibility and maybe even mock argue the situation a little. The truth is, that while this is ignorant (thought innocent), it really has little to do with how things have to be handled or how you and your child have to live with it.

Comment: Why should your child get special treatment?
Problem: Dismissive.
The book explains that you and your child have rights to proper support where needed (such as in school) and it's just as simple as that. Most people in public don't seem to hit on this one, but that doesn't mean you won't come across this very rude person. Refer them to the Americans with Disabilities Act and the idea of general human decency. Then walk away.

Comment: Are you kidnapping that child?
Problem: Accusatory and dangerous to you in public.
You have to handle this one gently. The more you get defensive and offended the more others will judge you in a negative light. Use the power of education here and explain the situation as best you can. Most people who are truly concerned and security personnel will understand and back off. Sometimes others who are nearby who also know autism will chime in and help you. This has happened to me personally.

Comment: (sort of) The "Bad Parent" glare.
Problem: Accusatory without words and very uncomfortable.
Remember what I said above. You can also say, "Excuse me? Can I help you?" and draw attention to their own rudeness. Be sickening sweet about it too. Be nice. It shows all others around the difference in public behaviors.

Comment: Is she/he still in their own world?
Problem: Assumes that all autistics are in the same box.
The fact is that we are so aware of our world around us that it can be painful. As the book says, imagine having to go through your day able to hear (loudly) the ticking of every clock in the house, or being driven to distraction by the crinkling of a plastic bag someone is shoving under the sink (from even the farthest room in the house). Imagine not being able to filter out the input your brain is trying to take in. There are a couple of responses suggested for this. Here is the more bold approach (even the book says this about it so use with care)
(Staring blankly say:) "Who else's world would she be in? I mean, really. It's not like they beam us all off the planet at age 22 is it? If they did, I missed my flight, darn."
The second is a longer winded approach but suggests that you basically explain that autistic people tune out as a defense mechanism against a world that is too bright, too loud and full of innuendo that's hard to understand. Inform that such a question is a good way to annoy an autistic person. They understand more than most people realize.

Comment: They grow out of it, don't they?
Problem: Assumes that it's just a phase and is dismissive.
This person needs to know that autism is with us for the rest of our lives. I have personally told people that my son will grow out of phases that they see and be able to live life to break assumptions that he will always be the way they see him now. The fact is, autistic people grow and go through phases like anyone else. They start as babies, children and then make it to adulthood.

Comment: But she doesn't look autistic.
Problem: Truly ignorant and dismissive. Assumes that there is a special "look" to autism like a missing arm or leg.
The defending information is that autistic people look just like everyone else. Autism is a biological disorder in the brain. It may affect some aspects of how the body reacts, but does not change physical features. Also, for those who mention Rain man or some such thing, it should be mentioned that not everyone has that effect. If they do, they still "look" like everyone else.

So there are some tips from the book: Understanding Autism for Dummies and I strongly suggest giving it a read! There are lots of ways to respond to the ignorance of others, you can be quaint and educative or slightly sarcastic and have fun. The point is not to let them get you down and keep you from living a good life.

What does stimming feel like?

2010-12-02T08:59:00.000-08:00

I found this to be a very good question. While a couple of readers took time to answer it on my wall at Facebook, I wanted to make sure that I answered it here too.

Stimming is generally a repetitive behavior that persons with autism may engage in. It may include rocking, hand flapping or gesturing in the air. It could be foot tapping, leg bouncing, or even something vocal. It could be clapping too.

Why the stimming? Sometimes, and I think most of the time, it's a calming way of directing energy or dealing with stress. It can also be totally unconscious in it's application and therefore much like a "tic". The difference being, once you notice you are doing it, you can stop it. Tics are harder to do that with. I have a tic in my neck that makes my head jerk to one side at times. I can't stop it if I want to. It just happens.

Stimming can have almost meditative effect on many of us. It allows us to either escape or cope with a given situation. But how does it feel? I think it feels like anything feels. Take something that feels good to you and calms you and consider that.

Lets consider a stimming of rubbing ones hands together. Try it. Rubbing your hands together makes them feel warm. It may not calm you, but to someone with a sensory disorder it could feel as good as a Sunday back rub. It could bring calm to their mind and be relaxing to them. It's hard to say how anything feels with clarity because everyone "feels" differently.

It's best to remember that it's usually a positive thing and helpful to someone with autism in dealing with the world around them. It's usually rooted in the sensory of the person as well.

Are there negative aspects to stimming? Yes, if the stimming is disruptive, considered gross or unhealthy, or could put someone in danger, it would be a stim to try and work out of. Stimming is very hard to correct and can be a powerful habit. Can these habits change? Yes, in our children who are growing up with autism, their stims can change as they age.

Unless it's proving to be dangerous or hazardous to health, stimming should not be punished or heavily discouraged. Punishing the behavior will have very negative results and be extremely frustrating for all involved. Can you imagine punishing someone for rubbing their hands together? Who are they hurting? And it's a powerful impulse. You may as well punish them for breathing.

So I hope this brings some stim understanding to you. Feel free to post examples of stimming as you know it in comments.

"I hate your autism."

2010-11-28T10:28:00.000-08:00

First,note the quotation marks. I don't actually hate anyone's autism, but you've heard this quote before perhaps. I know I have. It's a quote that reeks of intolerance and lack of education. It can also come from frustration and lack of understanding.

Those of you at my facebook page may remember a question I posted some time back. I asked what readers want to know about autism. One parent posted that he wanted to know how to get rid of autism as soon as possible. He hates his child's autism. Now, I'm trying to address his quote and this reaction in other was rather than be negative and I hope the rest of you take it the same. I believe this man and many parents like him are frustrated and at wits end. They are having a hard time understanding their child and how autism takes affect.

From this point of view, I want to remind you all that there is no cure for autism. Let me repeat that; there is no cure for autism. One more time, there is no cure for autism. At least, not yet.

That being said, the first thing you must understand is that autism is a biological condition, not a psychological one. It has psychological co-effects, not it is not psychological at it's source. Autism is caused by various connections in the brain that are not communicating properly if at all. That's how everything in your body works, you know. Your brain tells your heart to beat, your lungs to take in oxygen and controls how your senses take in information. That's the key here. How your senses take in information shapes how you interact with the world around you.

Some of this can be overcome with years of practice and support. However, autism will be with a person for the rest of their life. There will always be difficulties. The sooner you accept that as a parent, the sooner you can be your child's best coach in how to survive and live with autism. Without that support, especially without your support, your child's future is bound to be uncertain and random.

Another aspect to consider. When someone says to me, "I hate your autism" (and it's happened), it hurts. It hurts especially if this is someone I trusted and let close to me. What a terrible and unfair thing to say. It's even worse if you are a child and a parent says that to you. It's confusing enough to grow up with autism, trying to figure out how to work with the world when your brain won't process things normally. Add emotional turmoil with a parents disapproval and it's much worse. It's not the child's fault they have autism. They can't wad it up and toss it in the trash for you. As it is, children with autism have a tendency to take things very personally and literally. You may as well come right out and say you hate them personally. They are likely to take it that way.

It's important to learn all you can about autism and how to teach your child how to live with it. You have to know that this process will last their entire childhood to the rest of their natural life. Be part of their lives. Autism is not the end.

Passing Thanks (dedicated to Donna Carmen)

2010-11-24T10:33:00.000-08:00

She was one never afraid to speak her mind. That was my Grandma Carmen. If she had any opinion at all, whether you asked for it or not, she would give it to you. It may not be what you wanted to hear either, but she was very honest. Thing is, I don’t ever remember her being wrong. She passed away in the hospital just yesterday and tomorrow is Thanksgiving. Yes, that creates an interesting array of thoughts. As I sit here and remember her, I realize that I’m thankful for having her in my life. She was very influential to me and one of the most supportive people in my family.

She took me in when I was stranded in the streets of Los Angeles at 17 years old. I was a troubled and random kid who still didn’t know that he was autistic or what that meant. Her strong honesty and direct communication guided me towards finding a job and doing for myself. I didn’t always like it, but it worked.

When I learned about having autism, she was one of the first family members to take immediate interest. She often had articles and people to tell me about when spoke after that. Like everyone, she knew there was something going on with me, but no one knew what it was.

I remember Fourth of July get togethers, family reunions, home shopping network and football being a big deal around her house. I remember the giant satellite dish and Grandpa’s giant ham radio tower antenna. I remember more Avon “shaped” cologne bottles than I ever saw in my life.

I remember anytime I was hungry while staying in her home she would say, “the food’s there to be eaten” and “If you leave hungry it’s your own fault”.

So I have a lot of experiences to be thankful for and I learned a lot that helped me in life. I’m very thankful and that is what I am carrying into my Thanksgiving this year.

Autism and holiday gatherings

2010-11-22T06:16:00.000-08:00

I know of many families who don't go to holiday gatherings anymore because of their child's reactions or unsupportive family reactions that are involved. For some of these situations it's understandable. But if you have a high functioning child you may be depriving them of important social practice. That being said, it's that time of the year to consider all the things we need to do for our kids to survive the social dramas of the holidays.

Holiday gatherings fill a place with extra sounds and smells that can trigger the more sensitive of our kids. There have been times when my son just wanted everyone to go home because he couldn't take all the mixed voices anymore. The extra mix of smells from varieties of food cooking can be a trigger too. While the typical person finds all the odors a delight, too many can overload an autistic.

Can your child handled a holiday gathering? How well does he or she handle crowds? How big of a crowd? How loud? Compare your child's sensitivities that you already know about to what you know of your family's gatherings (if you haven't tried already) and you can gauge their reactions.

How do you handle the hard spots? How do you handled the possibility of meltdowns from sensory overload? As a matter of practice, remember to plan an escape route to a designated "quiet spot" where your child can feel comfortable and relax for a bit. A place to hide from the sensory input. If you are going to another persons home, you should discuss this option with them and see if they can work with you. If you have unsupportive family, this may be difficult. Understanding that, your child's welfare is more important than any holiday gathering. You should take no shame in having to leave early or just not going.

If you don't go, be sure to share some holiday experience with your child at home. Cook things that have some of those smells and get them involved in your own home festivities.

Another way to help with possible problems is to have things there that are positive distractions. Things that your child loves in the sensory realm. For example, maybe they just love the crinkling of wrapping paper in their hands? Let them play with it. It's better than a meltdown any day and comforts them. For that matter, some are best left with their special diet and what they prefer for the day rather than forcing them to what you know they may not eat. This will keep the peace for your get together and everyone will be happier for it. Try not to forsake any routines so you can help them say as balanced as possible.

What's most important is that you know your child and know what affects them and how. You are the one who can help them the best. Be their holiday advocate and you can find ways to get through the holidays easier.

With that, I wish all of you a very happy holiday with many happy tidings involved.

Radio Therapy Online

2010-11-17T08:46:00.001-08:00

Today, if you haven't seen it on my facebook page already, I want to introduce you to Radio Therapy Online. You can check out their website HERE.

Quote from their site: Radio Therapy Online's mission is to present fun, interactive, positive podcasts in a humorous way; to provide "therapy" for broadcasters and listeners; to spread the passion for life. The hosts are Todd Michaels and Lisa K.

It's true, they do exactly that and I want to suggest that you listen in and check them out. Along with in depth interviews of interesting and influential people, they touch base on all manner of helpful topics for life in general. Food, organization, holiday issues, health issues, and even a touch of politics (without the hate) are things you will hear about on the podcast.

The atmosphere is light and uplifting and the hosts have a definite chemistry that carries the show forward. You never know what they are going to toss at each other next in good fun. They've even started doing a youtube bit called the Radio Therapy Insider.

Yes, I've been on the show myself, some time ago. Still, I listen to the show and find it be a positive and refreshing change from the standard and often negative media that's out there today. So I do hope that you will listen in and give it a try.

Looking ahead and concerns for our youth

2010-11-15T10:00:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I find myself thinking about all the monsters out there in our society. I find myself realizing that I must teach my son to defend himself against them. It's a very complex mode of thoughts.

If I were only talking about physical altercations with school/work bullies or some mugger somewhere, it would be simpler. If I were only talking about stranger danger, it would be fairly concrete. But no, it goes much deeper than that. It can also get far more convoluted.

There are many kinds of human monsters out there and the ways they will seek to do damage are as diverse anything we know. Some of them victimize for possibilities of money, others for some perverted pleasure. It reminds me of one of the types of bullying I had to live with. There was no defense against it and it worked very very well.

It was done by some very good acting and sounded very convincing. Once I was sitting by the projector in class as the teacher was talking. One student piped up and said, "David, leave the projector alone". He sounded convincing and the teacher bought it. They already thought of me as a "problem child" so it was easy to get me into trouble. I was thrown out of class without touching the projector or anything near it. The boy thought it was outright hilarious.

False accusations and other ways of being used are things I fear for my kids. Our kids on the spectrum are reported to having trouble with areas of trust and even being too trusting, or gullible. Unfortunately, this is one fire that has to teach it's heat in it's own way on many levels. You can't teach them to watch out for everyone and everything. You can only do your best to teach good decision making. Teach that if something seems wrong, don't do it. Even that won't protect them from someone who will prey on their good intentions.

It's also sad, that onlookers will take this little act at face value and leave the victim hanging for it. That we haven't learned in our society by now, too look deeper than the surface of what's happening. That is how innocent people get smeared and marked because others don't stop to look at the details that matter. That's why we are all supposed to be innocent until proven guilty. But that doesn't seem to apply to general society. Something that needs to change.

Until it does, I will have to do what I can to help my son prepare for the predators out there. They never stop coming. I'm still a target and I'm forty. It's a very sobering fact. So, as you walk around out there today, try to take notice of the underlying details. Ask yourself what all the possibilities could be. Just to see what you can come up with. And try not to take that person you saw, or how someone else marked them, at face value. If it really matters, seek out the truth for yourself.

Picture of Nelson Muntz property of FOX.

Falling back and internal clocks

2010-11-08T08:40:00.000-08:00

Here's a funny for you; daylight savings and a supposed extra hour of sleep. Yeah right. My son's internal clock is set for almost no later than 7 am. He doesn't like being woke up before that, though it's necessary for school days. Weekends? 7 am. Do you know what that meant for this weekend with the falling back of an hour? That's right, 6 am.

As far as his very sensitive internal clock was, it was 7 am and time to get up. This is not such an uncommon phenomenon and not exclusive to autism. Still, you have to try and see the humor in the situation, while you'd much rather get that extra hour to sleep in. The idea of getting up at 6 am on a weekend, when you don't have to, is never a pleasant one. If you're a naturally early riser, more power to you, but I'm not (ha ha).

So when Mr. Bouncy came bounding in and I looked at my cell phone, I groaned. I couldn't believe he was up at six and I had completely forgotten about the time of year. It wasn't until I went out and saw my kitchen wall clock and looked at the calendar that I realized what happened. Then all I could do was shake my head and chuckle. I could try and tell him it was too early to get up, but no dice there. When he's up and ready to go, he's up and ready to go. For that matter, he has more energy than anyone in the building when he's awake and has trouble controlling it.

So, that's that, we're up and there's nothing to do about it but get the day going. How did your weekend go? Did you get an extra hour?

Facial expressions and autism

2010-11-04T19:36:00.000-07:00

I can't tell you how many times I've been asked "why are you angry?". The point here is that I had no idea I was angry in the first place. That would be because I wasn't angry at all. It's just something my face does without my notice.

In autism, it's not unusual to have facial expressions go awry. The way I see it, there are three reasons for this.

1: Lack of control over facial expression in the first place. It's like having a connection that just doesn't work from our emotions to the way we show them on our faces. This doesn't always work the same every day. Like anything else, there are good days and bad. This also doesn't work with every emotion the same. Sometimes we can show various emotions just fine while others don't come out quite right. It can be hit and miss.

2: We aren't reacting to what you think. Think of a car accident. Everyone reacts with typical shock at the sudden disaster. Everyone except the autistic person who is laughing. Everyone assumes they are laughing at the car accident, but they aren't. They've noticed something that took their attention away from the scene of the car accident. That's because of how hard it is to filter information. Every tiny thing around us demands our attention and our brains are trying to process it in one giant bite all at once. To that autistic person, the thing that made them laugh is just as loud and demanding of attention as that car accident is to everyone else.

3: Sensory experience. I knew of a child who would scrunch up his face over and over again. When asked why, he honestly replied it just felt weird. Sometimes, what you are seeing has nothing to do with emotion at all. It may be as simply defined as a tic or form of stimming. I believe stimming is highly attached to sensory experience. It's calming and soothing, maybe even fun. On of my son's stims is literally running in circles. He sometimes does it with a great deal of giggling and laughing. He must be having a good time right? So if someone stims by face scrunching or eyebrow movements, it's safe to say it's about the same (I think).

With those examples in hand, I think it's safe to advise not to take an autistic's facial expressions too seriously or to heart. What can you do? The best plan of action is to simply get to know that person. After all, they are a person at the bottom line and that's the best way to understand how they personally feel about anything. I've been told by neurotypical people that it's "normal" to have your quirks. Well, if that's true, why so much confusion? If you want to know what any persons quirks are, get to know them. This is true in the light of any condition or disorder. The main idea is understanding and not blaming someone for what their condition or disorder causes.

Facial expression is a major factor in non-verbal communication. That could make getting to know that person a little tricky or awkward. But if you subscribe to the idea that it's okay for everyone to have their quirks, I'm sure you can manage.

Photo credit: My son showing me his loose tooth last year.

It's bigotry that needs to "die"

2010-10-29T07:12:00.000-07:00

Today I want to talk about our school officials and the trust we put in them. Especially the trust we put into those we vote for and elect into place. We trust these people with the task of taking care of our school districts. We trust them with the well being of the education system of our children. Violating that trust is a heinous act.

Clint McCance is a board member somewhere in Arkansas who's earning his fifteen minutes of fame for violating that trust and being a true blue bigot. Recently, there was a day where people were asked to wear purple for five teens who committed suicide after being bullied for being gay. Point to consider: TEENS! That means, for all intent and purpose, these were children. Okay? So, recap on important points: School Board Member, Children.

If you click on the picture, you can see the direct quote from Mr. McCance where he suggests that suicide is appropriate for these CHILDREN.

I feel sorry for any teens in his district. Because Mr. McCance is telling them, if they are gay (or maybe any number of things that he doesn't like) they should kill themselves.

As far as I'm concerned, Mr. McCance is a failure and travesty to his position. I have half a mind to write to him and his board to tell them that. He should be made to step down. Just because he's elected, doesn't mean he should get to keep that position. After all, how long before he doesn't like "retards" and thinks our special needs kids should kill themselves? Please note the quotation marks as I don't agree with that word myself but it's what bigots like to use.

I feel this way for any person in our education system who does things like this, hurts our kids or their education, or shows their true colors to violate that trust at all. I don't care what state they are in. Our children are in school for an education on academics, not to learn how to end their lives because they don't measure up to some jerks expectations. Not to learn how to be bigots either. It's lack of acceptance in our over populated world that is just one more thing destroying us.

There are greater problems in our world than racial, ethnic, religious belief, or sexual preference. Seriously, maybe we should finally start working on things that need the attention. Our school system sure needs it and Mr. McCance is a shining example. How about housing and employment? How about war and our economy? How about a screwed up political system? How about crime? You know, rape, gangs, drugs, and weapons? Wow, wasn't hard for me to come up with a list was it?

Advocating suicide is wrong, I don't care why. And these were kids, that makes is all the more heinous. Take a stand.

Dr. Nick Dubin arrested

2010-10-18T05:53:00.000-07:00

In recent news I have learned of something that has shocked and dismayed me. I am very disappointed in this news as this is a person who's work I have supported. Dr. Nick Dubin, an advocate in support of learning about autism, who lives with Asperger's Syndrome himself, was arrested. Federal agents stormed his home and seized his computer. In his arrest he reportedly admitted to downloading child pornography for as much as the last two years. He also stated that he knew such downloading was illegal.

I have seen speculation that perhaps he was doing this in study of some form of bullying. Unfortunately, illegal is illegal, no matter your intentions. There are legal task forces assigned to such things and they are the only ones allowed to "download" content and specifically for purpose of catching the criminals who make the sickening stuff. No matter what Dr. Dubin's intention was, he's caught with illegal downloading.

Dr. Dubin has written several books on living with the difficulties of Asperger's syndrome and high functioning autism. He's taken on bullying in at least two books that I know of. He's been a public speaker across the country. I've spoken with him over the internet, though never met him in person. Even so, in seeing all the work he has done, this greatly disappoints me. I await the legal proceedings, but the very idea is just too gut wrenching.

Even so, I want to make a suggestion. I suggest that we try to take something from this that is still good information and that is the work that he has done. Even though, he faces charges for a vile offense, his work on autism, writings and educational material do not change in how correct they are. All of the information he compiled is still correct and good information. It should still be utilized. He has made good suggestions for bullying programs and compiled information on autism that can help you better understand people on the spectrum.

And please, his act is not to be contributed to being autistic. People with autism are not any more guaranteed to be deviant, perverted, or psychotic than anyone else. That is not autism, rather a different illness all it's own. And calling it an illness is not to excuse it. No, Dr. Dubin must face the law just like anyone else.

For those who know me closely, they know that I carry heavy disdain for anything pedophilia related in any way. Disdain? Try blood red hatred, that fits better. So maybe that helps to show just how disappointed I really am in Nick as a person right now. I'm not sure what spurred these choices, but it's really hard from my point of view to excuse them. And, while I wouldn't want to know this for most people; why, Nick? Why did you have to do something like this? Why did this have to be you?

Learning from mistakes versus shame

2010-10-13T18:17:00.000-07:00

My son made a couple of choice recently that he deeply regretted. I won't go into the details of them here and now. I would rather present the lesson they have brought us to.

In both of these situations his decision did get him scolded and corrected. They were serious decisions and did affect others around him. Recently he's taken to being hard on himself at various times of self frustration. He refers to himself in a harmful manner and degrades himself angrily. This has brought about an intervention of lesson that is very important for him. It told me he needs my support and if your child on the spectrum does this, they need your support too.

The lesson here and correction for this, is that it's more important to learn from our decisions and mistakes than to feel shame for them or beat ourselves up over them. No one wants us to hurt ourselves in any fashion. They prefer we learn something, make changes and move on. This is not such an easy thing for an autistic person to do in the first place. But if we apply early support to our children in this lesson, could it become easier for them? I sure hope so.

So I've told my son that I don't want him to call himself names or be ashamed (yes he used the word 'ashamed'). I want him to learn from his mistakes. His teachers want him to learn from them too. I've told him that I would never want him to feel shame or dislike himself over anything. We all make mistakes, sometimes they are embarrassing or silly, but mistakes all the same. We have to learn something from them so we don't make those mistakes again.

Next I asked him what he learned from this decision and talked with him about ways to avoid making that mistake in the future. In both cases it was about making a different decision, one that would keep him out of trouble. So long as he does that, there is no reason for him to worry any more.

But the rest of the lesson and intervention continues. It seems that this is a phase that must be dealt with. It requires correction and teaching so that he doesn't develop a habit of hurting himself as a mode of self punishment. No one deserves that and it's easy to fall into.