Internet support groups

It seems like you can't sneeze at your search engine without finding a support group on the net. You can find them for anything and at any capacity. Some are small like chat rooms and some social pages. Others are huge with website information, message boards, articles and more. Some internet support is done by a person writing blog articles, like this one. There are all sorts of variations, but what do you need to know in looking for a place to be accepted?

Isn't that what it's really about? We all want a place to be accepted and there are plenty of people who can't seem to find that place in their local avenues. Thanks to a lack of services in small towns or even some cities, the internet has become the go to place for support groups. The good about this is that these groups are easy to find. The bad is that they lack "in person" social experiences.

The most important thing to remember about any social group you join for support of any condition is this:  Everyone else has the condition too. If you join a group for autism, you have to remember that they people you are talking to also have autism and have the same pitfalls in behavior or social skills that you might have. The same thing goes for bipolar disorder. What's worse, words on a screen lack emotion and are subject to being easily misunderstood from what the writer intends. Everyone has extra sensitivity to something and stepping on toes or egos is so easy it's ridiculous. This results in flame and post wars that get people banned or completely destroy the validity of a support group.

Our conditions make us all unreasonable in one way or another and we need to remember that as we enter the support group setting. This is why live support groups usually have a mentor, therapist or doctor on hand to help moderate discussions and help with misunderstandings.

There are a lot of community groups that lack moderation. Places with no moderation risk becoming mosh pits of hostile behavior that do little for support of anyone. Some people like it, but few of them feel the need for acceptance. Rather, they just want a place to go for their bad behavior.

No one is immune to the power of misunderstanding on the internet. Even good moderators can forget that the person they are talking to has a social disorder. That, in itself, is the great pitfall of having a social disorder in the first place.

TIP: When a comment upsets you, STOP and ask yourself: Is this person really trying to offend me or is this a misunderstanding? Remember, you are in the same boat and this person likely thinks differently than you do.

TIP: If you can't get along with someone or feel they are truly attacking you, just block them. Sometimes there is just no way to help that person, no matter what you do and some people really are just there to hurt others.

TIP: Don't stay in hostile territory. When it's clear that the behavior of the group isn't going to be helpful to you, leave. Shop around, there are lots of groups out there and some are bound to be well moderated and much more friendly.

Being in a support group on the net can be a rewarding experience. Just try to remember how your disorder/condition affects you. However it affects you others will be affected similarly, better, or worse. We all have triggers and we all have the potential to "go off". Some people will have quicker triggers than others. By this rule of thumb, you can get along better with others and make your social internet experience that much better.

Understanding Advocates

First, another looks at Webster's definition: A person who writes or speaks about a cause.

That's me. But there are other kinds of advocates out there, both good and bad. On the internet, the differences get blurred. Hopefully, this article will help define the lines. So what kinds of advocacy are there? Here's a list:

Individual: for the rights of a single person

Self: for the rights of yourself

System/Political: to promote changes in a broader system or promote a broader cause that affects a greater number of people

Legal: legal rights of various degrees (this can branch to the others easily, but issues will require someone with legal training)

Legislative: for changing laws which can branch to system political at times.

So, you've got problems. You're child, who needs and IEP is having trouble in school and it seems the school will not listen to you. You may need an advocate. Like many people nowadays, you turn to the internet and you find someone who says he can help. He says he can force the school system to play straight. Sounds great. Then he asks for money for airfare to come and visit your child's school. He plays on your desperation and you give in. You send the money and he never shows. Either that, or he actually contacts the school and ticks them off so badly they'll never work with you. So how do you know if you have found an advocate who can help you?

This is something I've actually helped people do several times over. My form of advocacy is in education. I believe that the more we learn, the better off we are. I advocate for people to learn about conditions to help erase stigma and abuse. So I give lots of advice for people looking for help.

What to watch out for on the internet with advocates:

Asking for money. Depending on the kind of advocate you are looking for, you shouldn't be looking to connect with them on the internet. Any advocate who's asking for your money, you need to look at closely. As in my last blog post, ask questions. Often they'll make wild claims of what they can do and what degrees they have. If they can't be verified, run. If you ask and they get belligerent, run. Verify all information. Let me write that again, verify ALL information before giving any money to anyone for their "advocacy".

Now let me tell you what an advocate is not and shouldn't be. An advocate is not some special authority who goes around demanding answers of individuals or other advocates for every detail of their doings and lives. They are here to help people, not police them. When Nick Dubin, a well known advocate for autism, was arrested; I was contacted and asked why I wasn't demanding answers and writing blogs about Nick Dubin. Simple, because that's not what an advocate does. I'm not trying to write the National Enquirer of Autism here (some people are and do). I'm not writing the gossip column of autism either. That's not what an advocate does. That's not an advocate, period. Now, there are plenty of advocate blogs out there and some of them are indeed doing just that, some aren't. You have to judge for yourself, what kind of information you are looking for. But I challenge you, look up definitions for yourself of "advocate" and see how many times you see "vigilante" or "gossip columnist" in the description. You won't.

Now, what's the best way for you to find help for your child? Every place and state has lay advocates of some kind somewhere. You just have to know where to look for them. Here are some updated ideas:

-Look in your phone book or online for your states Ombudsman's offices. Call them, they can often give you solid advice of where to go if they can't help you themselves.

-Contact your state's chapter of the Autism Society. You can google it by "state name" Autism society, try it. They often have lots of links with people and groups you can call.

-Google for your state and a chapter of NAMI (National Alliance for Mental Illness) and contact them.

-Contact your states or county school board and request a hearing for your child. Most times, this costs nothing and it's part of your rights for your child.

-you cold google School Advocate and your area, town, county, or state and see what you get, but remember the above.

Just a few ideas. Do you want to be an advocate? In my next writing, I'll tell you the do's and don'ts from personal experience and more.