Why I am against politics and will never vote Republican (trigger warning)

 

I shouldn’t say never because it is narrowly possible that a Republican may come along proving to be a real leader and not just a businessman or politician and someone who actually gives a damn about the people enough to fight for real change in our country. I don’t see it happening in my lifetime but it is what it is. I also say everything here with full knowledge that plenty of you out there won’t care what I think. That’s just fine. Feel free to walk on by, because if you attack me, invariably prove me right. But if you want to know how you lost my vote, I’m going to spell it out here.

I’ve lived through some of what I recognize as Republican cruelty and indifference by growing up in Nebraska, arguably one of the most anal retentive excessive Republican states in the country. Lincoln is my hometown. It’s a college town and also an immigration hub. Being that, it’s a mess of racial intolerance in its base society. If you are colored, gay or just a woman, you get shit on. If you are loaded, you’ll do just fine. If you are white and find a steady job, you’ll be mostly fine. But Lincoln and Nebraska overall don’t forgive you for not being what they prefer. Oh, and if you are mentally ill or disabled, you’re screwed. You’re a pariah.

I suffered some pretty terrible misfortunes in Lincoln and they started from my very childhood. The school system labelled me retarded and I was forced to endure a lengthy hospital stay when I was 13. There was some justice when I returned because the doctor in charge of my care collected all my teachers together and some of the administration and called them the worst excuses for educators he had ever seen. I was found in testing to be advanced, but they allowed such severe bullying over my differences that there was no way in hell I could ever be successful in their shitty school environment. A couple of the teachers changed their ways toward me, but the rest hated me because they got called out. Then we moved to Utah, where it started all over again because not only was I still different, but I wasn’t Mormon. That’s a whole different story. I came to understand that the whole system was run under a very Republican belief system swim or drown.

I don’t know why my life kept bringing me back to hellhole Nebraska, but I finally got a career there. But MS started to mess with me and I was also diagnosed as bipolar/aspergers and that started to mess with that career. I tried to get help but it was decided by a few certain people that I no longer was worthy of that career. Those four people went out of their way to investigate the deepest corners of my past, scrutinize every single solitary action I took to do anything beyond wiping my ass and forced me into a position where my Union rep said I needed to quit because I was dealing with sharks that smelled blood. I tried to get legal recomp against them and even got a “right to sue” letter from the Equal Opportunity Commission that was summarily ignored by a judge and my case was thrown out. Their actions also moved into my public life where I was harassed by police and neighbors. I was diagnosed with loss of identity and psychological break down. It took me years to recover and I became permanently disabled with MS though official diagnosis would come years later. What’s the point of this? There was a time in the middle of it that I was forced to accept welfare and the Republican system enacted a work program that took away all benefits if you didn’t “go to work” where they told you. My wife and I both were forced to work in a warehouse. I worked right next to a 74 year old woman on permanent oxygen. Yeah, they didn’t care what her doctor had to say, she needed to WORK. This program was not only cruel but was found unconstitutional and shut down. Let me point out again, that this program didn’t care what your medical conditions were, you would move heavy boxes of bottled water all day because “work dammit!”. That was a Republican program, and they have always been Republican programs.

I have finally left Nebraska and have family there that I love, but I will never live there again. So I have a whole lifetime of experiences with Republican run ideals that burned my life at every turn. I suffered. But my story doesn’t end there. Now we see another aspect that made me not only anti-Republican ideals, but anti-politics as well. Politics are destroying our country with civil unrest but there are some comparisons that I have noted that further push me away from ever going Republican. Here are some more ways they lost me.

When Michelle Obama was called a man, they lost me. Who stoops to shit like that? You get one guess.

When Michelle Obama was ridiculed for showing her arms, but Melania Trumps nudes were found “tasteful” they lost me.

When they found ways to excuse “grab em by the pussy”, “I’d do my daughter”, and “I walked right through that room of undressed teen girls at that pageant because I can do that”, but now Biden is a creepy old man… they lost me.

When they ridiculed a man for taking a knee in protest but men armed with semi automatic rifles taking over capital buildings was okay, they lost me.

When peaceful protestors were blamed for and condemned for property damage but a 17 year old who crosses state lines, has a weapon illegally due to age, and puts himself in a position to KILL two people is cheered as some kind of folk hero, they lost me.

When the Proud Boys and other far right extremists got cheered for running in the streets beating up black people and gay people with sticks and bats, they lost me.

They also lost me when they ended head start for my son with special needs and when the same school system put him in a corner and left him there for the same needs.

Every time I see someone blaming all Dems or Libs for things I know Republicans are at least doing “too”, they lose me again.

Don’t get me wrong. I hate our entire political system. When I saw Nancy Pelosi tear up a speech behind Trump, I found it childish and stupid. When I heard Biden tell a crowd to “clap you dumb bastards” I shook my head. I know it isn’t just Republicans, but I see the level of hypocrisy and which way it is really going. I see the unprecedented levels of Republican hatred and delight in just being fucking cruel to everyone they can find. I see violence by Republicans cheered while any infraction of  any kind by anyone else is condemned. I see a leader with a cult of followers that I don’t even consider Republican because they are now something far beyond that. I see a leader who is shunned by the rest of the world and who could commit any level of atrocity and be cheered for it by his base.

If you are a Republican reading this and you don’t embrace the ideals or behaviors I am condemning here, you are okay with me. At least you see humans and  humans. If you embrace these ideals in any way, you can fuck right off. I don’t care if you never buy my books or like my artwork or anything else. That is what this situation has pushed me too and I’m not even going into the Pandemic on top of it.

So do you hate me now? Fine.

Helping the Birds

Our dryer is out in the shed. That's where several people around here have their dryer hookups. So when I do laundry, I have to take the wet clothes from the washing machine in the kitchen, and go outside to the shed in the carport. You might think that's a crazy place for a dryer until you consider that this is Louisiana. In Louisiana summer temps can break 110 with stupid ease. In tiny houses like ours, having a massive heat element inside when you're trying to keep cool is counterproductive. But then, I didn't want to go on and on about drying clothes in the shed. I want to talk to you about birds. Stupid birds. Better than that, I want to talk to you about helping them.

Yesterday, I walked into the carport and thought that the dryer had suffered a blowout. Lint was everywhere. The dryer was fine however so I dismissed the issue until later. I brought the issue up with my wife later on the phone. It wasn't a complaint, rather "hey, guess what happened to me today". That's when she informed me in casual repose that she tossed the lint out into the yard and it must have blown into the carport.

Before I go any further, let me toss one point in that will quickly become important. It's been raining here. It's been raining a lot.

Now dear wife explained to me that she avoided the trash can standing next to the dryer, took the lint out and tossed it over the backyard gate in order to help the birds. Stupid birds.

ME: Do you think the birds need your help?

HER: Well, no, but it's nice to do.

Is it now? Well folks, let me ask you; have you ever seen a pile of wet lint? I have. Just past my backyard gate, draped over one of my son's toys he left out. It looks like an 80 pound cat hawked up half its fur. It's about as pleasant to step in, I can tell you that. Feeling the mass slide under my shoe had me thinking of anything except wet lint.

Do the birds really need out help with nesting materials? Has anyone gone outside and actually looked at the ground lately? Birds don't need our help. Arguably, they get too much of it already in our super littered world. And what are these birds good for? All a bird does is eat bugs, pump out eggs and crap on cars. No, I know better than that. Don't get mad. But seriously, they don't need our help.

But then she said this: "I've seen them make nests with ribbon."

This morning as I write this I would like to point out that she is not giving them ribbons. It's hairball material from the guts of the dryer. It's hair, dirt, and clothing fragments. I know I did not step on a pile of slimy ribbon. I have yet to see the dryer regurgitate ribbons as our laundry's cast off. No. It's not ribbons. It's crap.

So, it seems I must suggest an alternative or two. 1) Give them actual ribbons maybe? 2) Toss out bird seed; it's far more entertaining than stepping slime. And it's a far better way to enjoy your birds.

I love my wife very much and she knows this is all in good humor. Be well everyone.

Throw the spaghetti!

It's been a tough MS week over here. When I make spaghetti, I break the strands in half. Normally that's no problem for me, but last night I lost my grip and threw them all over the stove top. A couple caught fire and I went into panic mode. This triggered the beginning of a sensory overload because of the sudden stress and panic. Normally such an accident would be hilarious, but I wasn't seeing that at the time. My wife came to my rescue and helped me pick up all the noodles like a game of pickup sticks. Dinner wasn't ruined and we got on fine. If it weren't for a stark hatred of MS, I might of felt like laughing later, because it had to be just a little bit funny. I have these days once in a while where I go from dropping something, to immediately tripping over it, than standing up and bumping my head on a cabinet door. If anyone saw me, they wouldn't be able to help themselves in laughing. I wouldn't be feeling it though.

Several days have been rocky like this so far. Today, not so bad. I'm inking new artwork and pushing forward in my projects.

That's just how it works. It  grabs you and throws you down and you struggle to get up for a day or few. You utter some choice words as you spill and drop things or throw them all over the room because you flinched weird. It's hard to see the slapstick comedy of such accidents when they feel more like an insult from your medical condition. But there it is.

Tough MS days also come hand in hand with depression. Your enthusiasm is about as active as a dead fish. That's been mine the past couple of days. I recognize it too. I know it's happening and I'm open to admit it during the course. And I feel bad because it rubs off on others and makes the day sad for everyone. So I have an internal wrestling match, trying to cough up a chuckle or two. Sometimes it works, but it feels fake to me. And it is.

What can you do when you are having a low MS time? Not much. Ride it out. Get an extra nap in. Take a walk if you can. Watch funny movies. All the basic tools against depression as you wait for the MS tide to go back out again. When you do feel better, you best take advantage of it. Try to do those projects that you've had to put off for days on end.

Finally, you have to remember that it's not your fault. You have MS and it's a rotten demon to live with. You didn't ask for it or invite to live with you. It pushed its way through the door on its own. Keep your chin up and keep fighting the good fight.

Multiple Sclerosis: What you don't see

I saw this image today on Facebook from MSstation and knew what I would be writing about today. First, let me tell you that MSstation is an educational group page on living with MS. If you live with MS and you are on Facebook, check them out. On this infographic there is a list of what we live with in MS.

Numbness and Tingling sensations are both listed and they go hand in hand. I can't sit in one position for long or my legs will give me hell. It feels like circulatory problems. According to tests, my circulation is fine. It's the MS.

Tinnitus: ringing in the ears. I don't get this one as often, but I have it about once a month.

Trigeminal Neuralgia: There's a fun one to say. It's a nerve condition that causes shooting pains in the face. I get what feels like cramps around my ears and into my jaw.

Speech and Swallowing difficulties: Oh yes. I bite myself while trying to talk and mess up words into gibberish. I also have esophageal spasms throughout the day. They make it look like I'm choking, but I'm not. They can cause actual choking if I'm trying to eat.

Optic Neuritis-Diplopia and Nystagmus: In order they are inflammation of the optic nerve, double vision and involuntary eye movements. My vision used to be awesome and it still kind of is; except when I can't focus my vision. Because this happen intermittently, glasses won't help. So my vision can come and go. May have my regular awesome vision one day, blurry the next.

Depression. Who wouldn't get depressed? I've dealt with depression all my life. This explains a lot.

Bladder Control. I definitely have to go more than I used to. I also have a stretched bladder due to my career before being disabled. Basically, I was too busy with emergencies to stop for bathroom breaks. But that's another story.

Tremors. The bane of an artist. My handwriting was never good, but it's horrid now. I used to able to write letters, but now they must be typed. I have to make a lot of adjustments for my artwork. The finer the detail I try to draw, the more it will just be a wavy mess.

Restless Leg Syndrome. My legs will kick or just shudder. Tough MS days always make this worse.

Insomnia. I definitely get sleepless nights. This can be made worse by fatigue that takes me down during the day and messes up my sleep cycle.

Nocturia. Overnight waking up to urinate. Like sleep problems weren't already an issue.

Constipation. Nuff said.

The MS 'hug'. It feels like you have a vice around your ribs and your being crushed. Mostly I just get a cramp on one side of my ribs, but it's pretty painful.

Balance issues/stumbles/trips/falls: There's a T-shirt out there that says: I'm not drunk, I have MS. Get the idea?

Dizziness/vertigo: This can be triggered by nearly anything. Sitting up, standing up, bending over, kneeling, or a jolt of physical exertion. It's hard hitting and the landscape looks and feels like it's tilting sideways for me.

Headaches and migraines. Hand in hand with everything else that happens at head level.

Cognitive Issues. I have trouble finding words and get confused over nothing at times.

Debilitating fatigue. Anything can exhaust me for no visible reason. Basic household chores have to be done in parts to make it through my day. Fatigue makes all the other problems act up worse.

A couple I'm adding:

Joint failure: Particularly in my knees. It's like having someone tap you behind them to make you dip. I've fallen a couple of times as a result. I also drop things or miss when I reach for something and smash my hand into something.

Susceptible to temperature and barometric pressure: Moderate temps are fine. Heat will sap energy fast and cold just makes everything tighten up.

Every single thing your body does is dependent on your nervous system. Without your nerves, your heart will not beat, your lungs will not breathe, your organs will not process and ultimately you will die. That's why it's important to slow the process of MS any way possible. I have injections for this and there are new medications being worked on even now.

So, for all you see on the surface, there is a war going on underneath.

How Multiple Sclerosis affects my artwork

Recently a very cool friend of mine received the honor of an article in the Daily Light paper about how MS affected his music and ability to play. You can check it out HERE. I am so proud of my friend, Chris and all he's accomplished on explaining MS to people and raising awareness. It's an inspiration to me.

Now I'd like to share an online quote directed at me some time back.

"I don't think your condition is an excuse for bad artwork."

As many of you know, I'm the creator/writer/artist for my own universe of characters called, Galaxy Zento. To suggest my artwork is perfect would be a lie. I'm not perfect and I do my best with what I have left. The person who made that comment had no idea what they were talking about. So let me explain what it takes for an artist to put out awesome artwork.

Knowledge of form, good hand eye coordination and cognitive ability to transfer and translate from mind to paper. Seems simple right? Now lets look at that MS does to a person.

It destroys your freaking nerves. So hand coordination is shaky at best. If you look close enough at my work, you will notice that all my lines are wavy. All of them. Circle? Wavy circle. Oval? Wavy oval. Arms? Musculature? All with little waves everywhere. I can correct some on digital but even there I have to do what my messed up system allows if I ever want anyone to see it (this year).

Cognitive function is a mess. It's like trying to strain your thoughts through a colander or sifting mechanism and then make sense of the resulting mess. What I try to see in my mind and translate, is a fog. So I'm literally making up details as I go. Sometimes I can see it in my head really well. Other times, I can't see my character's faces. Try to figure THAT out. I get basic forms and basic shapes, then I have to muddle my through to make them work.

Now I tell myself that I simply have to own my own style and never give up. But it's not always that easy. There's so much of the story to tell and I don't know how much time I have to tell it. I'm racing against a clock of unknown time. It's headed for a point that I won't be able to draw a stick figure.

If you follow the link about and go through the albums, you can see differences in the pictures that show days that my poor head wasn't quite up to the job at hand. Sometimes I come up with good looking stuff, sometimes I don't and I have a lot of  trouble fixing it.

"Just find an artist." I do have someone on board, but please don't say this to me. I don't have up front funds and it dismisses the fact that this is a huge piece of myself that's fading decades before it should.

So, as you view the artwork of Galaxy Zento, know that every success is dedicated to others like myself (especially youth). Someday, I may have artists who put in because they believe in my reasons and can fall in love with the characters, but until then (and even after) I will continue this fight.

Bringing the blog back to life

It's time to bring back Wildeman's Words! I'm going to be doing some very special works here. It will be a variation of the things I work with and causes I believe in. It's all going to be interesting without a doubt, so I hope you'll be watching.

About those causes. Just what are they? Well, if this is your first time on this blog and you don't really know me, I'm DJ Wilde (author, artist). I have Asperger's Syndrome (no I don't care if its not in thediagnosis manual anymore) Multiple Sclerosis, and a Traumatic Brain Injury. Life is a challenge on the best of days, but I press on and that's an important message I want to convey. Now, I am also the parent of a child with autism (he's 12 as I write this). I grew up without any of the supports you see today and without diagnosis. So those things are extremely important to me, especially for my son. I also want to see more of our autistic youth get the support they need. When someone with autism does something awesome, you may well find it here. Support news? Yep. And every once in a while a rant on some wrongdoing to someone.

As an independent author and artist kicking off his own universe, I'm bound to mention that here. But there's also Galaxy Zento, the blog to consider. I'll be doing articles on independent comic or fantasy artists. People who's work I admire and want to share. Being and independent isn't easy. It's hard to get word out. I'm willing to give some word. Independent authors? Them too! Especially if they have anything to do with the causes above.

So there will be a cool mix coming in the next few days. Tune in!

Why you should read Chessmen: Opening Moves

Hey, it's shameless self promotion time! But have no fear, I plan to make points of significant interest. So give me a chance here and have a good time.

It's a fair question. Why should you read Chessmen? You aren't interested in Chess anyway. Well, fortunately, it's not actually about chess. Click on the opening image to see what the back of the book has to say. Now I'll give you some supporting points on why you'll find this cast of heroes very interesting. The Chessmen are the Royal Guard of the planet, Chyssia. Imagine if Chess actually came from another planet and you'll immediately get the idea behind this amazing world. There are 8 members of the Chessmen (technically 9) and that brings us to our first point because:

In order for the most powerful member to appear, one of them has to die.  How's that for an opening point? And how does that work out? You'll have to read the book to know because telling would be a huge spoiler!

One of them could kill an entire planet. He's sealed in a containment suit of armor that can never be taken off; because he's a virus. Again, to see how that works out, you have to read it. I promise you he's one heck of a character. How does someone like that wind up being part of any Royal Guard?

Faith really can  move mountains.  One of them has a power you don't see in stories very much. It's the power of pure faith. You won't believe what he can do with it.

The comical doofus is one of the strongest members. You'll enjoy his amazing power and hilarious behavior.

The accused will earn your sympathy in spades. The member accused of actually killing the King, is permanently bonded to bladed gauntlets. He doesn't remember why he has them. For that matter, he's not even from Chyssia. He was found in the mountains with a severe head injury. Just what is his story?

A mystical falcon is in love with her partner. But how can such a creature pursue love with a humanoid?

It goes beyond just clearing their name. They discover that they have to save their entire solar system and the first book is only the beginning.

How can you read this?  Check out my author page and bookmark it   LINK

You can also keep up with all of the Galaxy Zento universe at my FACEBOOK page.

You can get it for Kindle cheap and paperback the same way. So I do hope you'll check out my universe and give Chessmen a read. I think you'll be glad you did.

Autism designs for you

As many of you know, I have a Cafe Press page and I mostly do my characters and fantasy artwork on it. I also do anti-bullying and autism awareness pieces. Well, I've done one anti-bullying piece and now three autism awareness pieces, but there will be more. There will be more especially for the autism pieces.

I'm not doing them to collect donations, they are just for you to enjoy for your own purpose of raising autism awareness. For these designs you can get everything from T-shirts to keychains. From mouse pads, to greeting cards.

As for the T-shirts, I bought one myself of my top hero, King Falcon. It's a well made shirt and best washed and then lightly tumbled dry or air dried (hang it up). Anyway, let me introduce you to my autism art pieces and I hope you'll consider them for your use in autism awareness.  I can also make a design for you to take to a screenprinter yourself for 30 dollars.  Not to worry, you can get some very good design out of me for that. I can also design your tattoo for the same amount.

Autism Heart

Autism Heart:  This is a small piece I made with an older digital program. It doesn't increase in size well, so I only put it on things that work well with small images. This makes a great keychain, and comes in pocket size on T-shirts. While this image isn't on a lot of stuff it works exceptional on Cafe Press's little stuffed animals. Take a look!

Autism Strong

Autism Strong: Available on a few more items than the first heart, this piece sends a clear message that we can be strong. You can even get this on a keychain or waterbottle. I only selected a few shirts, so if you want a style and don't see it, let me know and I'll make changes so you can get it!

Autism Heart and Key

Autism Heart and Key: This object comes on the most stuff yet as it's got the best resolution of any autism piece I've made yet too! You have to browse this one to believe it! You can even get this one for your electronics like ipads and ipods, whatever you've got! Nook and Kindle sleeves too! It's a simple design so it works on nearly everything.

If you want to see all the pictures available here is the link for the store front of Galaxy Zento on Cafe Press.

I hope you enjoy your tour and will consider my designs for your awareness efforts. Thanks for all your support!

Handling phobias and fear in autism

Giant Cicada Killer wasp: Harmless to humans

This morning I checked my messages to find a question from Jill on Autism and Phobias that read:

I also came across your posting after googling autism phobias. My son recently developed a debilitating fear of bees and dragonflies. I'd be interested to hear what you were able to do to help your child deal with his flying bug phobia. Right now we are not able to spend time outside. As soon as he sees a flying insect he starts screaming uncontrollably. Thank you for sharing your experience with this!


Well, Jill, this post is for your and anyone else wondering that same question.


The ultimate answer to a phobia is intensive therapy, but there are steps to take before going that route.


The first steps I like to take, and they seem to help, is education. My 10 year old son is also afraid of just about any flying insect that he can see. He worries that they all are bees or specifically the Mahogany wasps we have in this area. 


I think the first thing that gets them is that these are speeding objects that are hard to identify and can't be controlled. This sets off a sensory and startle reaction. Once that happens it's a chain reaction the rest of the way and hard to reverse. He will need a great deal of reassurance and comforting. Reassurance that these insects aren't looking for him. And that's where education of these things comes in.

Green Dragonfly: Harmless to humans

There are children's level books on just about every bug you can think of at any library. Get your hands on some and let your child know you would like to teach him with some pictures about the bugs in your own backyard or at the park. If there's resistance, get him to agree that pictures can't hurt and then start teaching him about them. 


Next step, check Toys R Us for bug toys that he can handle and touch. He may balk but show him that it's just rubber and not real. With things like dragonflies it's safer than with things you don't want him to touch, like spiders. 


Make it a game. See how many bugs he can identify as they fly around and tell you about them.


Through is all, it will take time, constant reassurance, patience, support and a loving attitude. With enough of that, he can start to grow out of his fears. 


Similar steps can be used for fear of sounds, like thunder. Teach about it, make it a game, and use lots of hugging and supporting. And he will want to retreat, the first odd number of times, it will be hard to get him to do it. You must not give up. Our kids take a very long time to make changes. If in doubt and absolutely unsure, consult a specialist.

Setting an example for our autism youth

My desk area for Galaxy Zento

You might remember, a couple blog posts back, where I wrote to you all about my Galaxy Zento project and what you could do to help with the setting of that example. Well, you worked wonders, my friends and tripled the number of people I was reaching. That's not a million people or anything, but it was a record and I'm grateful. The record? 676 people reached. That's more than 5x the number of LIKES on the page. Thank you!

So today I want to share more about my experience growing up and my son's experience in comparison with autism. I want my experiences to give hope to families struggling with understanding their kids and hope to kids who aren't sure where their lives are going.

This is NOT to say that I have the final answers to anything in autism. It's not meant to give false hopes to anyone. But if you have no hope to draw on at all, where does that leave you?

When I was growing up I was considered to be one effed up kid and that's just the language that got used. During the divorce of my parents I vanished into a fantasy world tried to get others to believe that I had bionics like the Six Million Dollar Man. Today, my son is trying very hard to convince us that he's a star in outer space with super powers. The fantasy is still there.

My son and I collect together

I developed rituals before I was ten of doing things in even numbers. I had to turn lightswitches off or on twice, zip zippers twice, turn objects twice and so on. I felt severely compelled to do this and I don't remember thinking there would be anything but bad luck if I didn't.  I developed a stim of clearing my throat, just like my son does today. I had other stims too and sensory issues. I liked the feeling of some fabrics under my fingernails and cool surfaces were calming to me.

I developed trouble in school early. In my last article I explained that my son has gone through a spot of bad behavior, stealing back his DS when grounded and sneaking out of the house at night through a window with a six foot drop. Well. When I was 8 or 9, I was told to stay after school. I knew I would be in trouble at home if I were late and I told the teacher my father needed to be called. She said it was my problem. I asked to go to the bathroom. She let me and I snuck out of school and ran home. I destroyed letters I was supposed to deliver to my father from the teachers before that (only two days before) and had to stay after again. This time she said I was NOT going to the bathroom. However she left the room,  summoned by the principal and I was gone.

When the phone call came, I got the most horrifying belt beating you can imagine and sentenced to my bed for thirty days. I was to come home, do my homework on my bed, eat dinner on my bed and I could only leave my bed to go to school or the bathroom. I could have one stuffed toy. My father let me out of that punishment after a week. He didn't think I could handle the whole thing, but I never, ever did that again. I won't punish my son like that, but he is in a lot of trouble right now. The difference is I have a team of people to work with him and explain things and teach him. All the while he still gets disciplined. The point is, I had my behavior rough spots too. I had my ticks, my stims, and all the things I see in him today.

By the time I reached 6th grade, I had very few friends (there were 3 of us) and two of us were bully magnets. Before I went to Jr High (a total freaking nightmare) I was playing with kids 5 years younger than me. Just like my son prefers to play with kids either way younger or almost adults (sound familiar?). I didn't understand kids my age at all. It was a concern but not addressed very well, so continued. Those were the times. Now I'm hoping to keep him from being bullied like I was.

A painting I did for autism

Despite my life and all I went through, despite not having support for autism as kid; despite running away from home at 14; despite my random life that I will be sharing here soon; despite the fact that my medical health has gained deteriorating factors, I am still doing things. I still became a parent of four kids, I still have a part in their lives, I still held jobs, and now I'm still striving to do something, anything. I want kids with autism (who are unsure of their lives) and kids with bipolar or who are being bullied, to know that they can do something too. That is what Galaxy Zento stands as an example of.

You can do this too. You can take the accomplishments of your life and show them to your kids. Show them that it's not over until it's over and life has possibilities for them. Show them other people who do amazing things despite disability. It's not about being gainfully employed either, it's just about doing something that you can be good at. And that's a great start!

So thank you for sharing Galaxy Zento. I hope more of you will continue to "like" and follow the page. And when the first novel (The Chessmen) gets published, you'll hear about it first. Thank you!

Even I can stumble in autism parenting

My kiddo when he was doing homework

Raising a child with autism is a series of challenges. Parents get flustered and we are no exception. Yes, I've been an advocate for education on autism but that doesn't make me more than human or immune to stress and frustration.

It's easier to give advice on someone else's child because you can almost do it with a clearer head and a different point of view. But that's why we have a community isn't it? So let me bring up to date.

Last week my son was grounded from his DS games for three days because of lying. He accepted that up front but got up in the middle of the night and stole his DS back from our bedroom. For that, he lost it until the 1st of July (with a vacation right around the corner). I warned him if he did that again, he couldn't take his DS on vacation. We spent the day talking about it and doing what is right. That very night, he stole it again.

I hid the DS in a new place that truly confounded him. We woke up at 2 am with him in our closet looking for it.

To stop that behavior we removed the DS from the house, but a new situation came up. It was 10:30 or so at night and we were in the opposite end of the house watching television when I got a phone call. It was the stepfather of one of my son's friends (not keep in mind my son's 10 years old). My son was standing in his friend's driveway on the opposite side of the block from us. I couldn't believe it. I went straight to his room and sure enough, he wasn't there. He had climbed out his bedroom window and left. We didn't hear a thing and no one saw anything either. I went and picked him up.

How did he manage a window with a six foot drop? His bed was how he reached the window and pushed out the screen. My mountain bike was parked under the outside of the window and that's how he got down. He was lucky, way too lucky to describe. The following morning we went into protocol mode. Call the therapists office and report to his psych dr, get his counselor and a police officer to come over and talk to him about how dangerous it was for a child in his pajamas to run off at night.

He hasn't run off again, but he's still getting up at night and getting into mischief. He snuck his laptop into his room and has gotten candy. The candy is no big deal but we are worried for his safety so there are rounds of us playing guard duty. His bedroom has been completely rearranged so there's no more reaching that window. I need to be taking his shoes and sandals at night. And I've set up a table in the living room so I can be right in sight of him while working at my computer instead of being in the office.

We've already received lots of wonderful advice. Good friend Neil from facebook suggested that his DS may have become his special interest and therefore as powerful as a stim behavior for him. Taking it away makes him too unbalanced. I missed that thought and thank Neil for pointing it out. So a new schedule is under way. He's saying he needs more of us. He's not throwing violent tantrums or anything like that.

But even an advocate can get flustered and need advice. No one is perfect.

To all my Autism Friends and Family

Just because you have autism or a debilitating disorder, doesn't mean you can't leave your mark on this world.

I plan to be a living example of what I just wrote above this line and I'm asking for your support in doing so. NOT monetary support, so just put that out of your mind. I'm asking for moral support in another fashion that won't cost you a thing. I'm asking for a show of numbers. Let me explain.

As some of you know, I have moved on to another project called Galaxy Zento. It is my universe of heroes, villains, fantasy and sci fi and has it's own blog (linked to the name). This universe is how I survived some of my childhood.  I want you to remember that this is the work of a man with increasing health difficulties, disability (autism, brain injury and possibly MS or related). On top of that I want you to remember that this is a man not giving up. So let my example be your example. I want to share that with you.

You are the best of readers and I have enjoyed your support in my autism writings since I started in around 2008. The works of this blog will remain online until the internet ceases to exist (or blogspot does and I hope that never happens). We have shared so much in the world of autism. We've laughed and cried and my work has actually helped a few people here and there. I do hope it helped way more than that. So here is how you can help me with my project.

1: If you have been a "follower" of this blog, please do so on the Galaxy Zento blog too. Even if you never go back to it, it shows support. I really hope you do come back and enjoy the stories I'm writing there, but just the fact that followers show is wonderful and I will be grateful to you for that.

2: Share it! If you like what you read or know someone who likes to read online, share my work where ever you want to! So long as there is a link and I'm posted as the owner, you can even print and share (not sell).  Share anywhere you like and go, Facebook, Twitter, Reddit, Stumbleupon, whatever!

3: Comment! I would very much enjoy to see comments from anyone. You can post anonymously or sign in and your email will not be spammed (I've checked on that with Blogspot). I will not use your email for anything at all. I would just love to get the interaction. The items above are more important, but this would be very cool to see.

4: If you are on Facebook, come to the Galaxy Zento fan page and click LIKE. That will also NOT spam you and shows your support. Feel free to browse the more than 200 illustrations I have drawn so far (and more to come before I lose any more use of my hands). I hope you will visit there often too. The more "likes" the better. Naturally, as above, comments and all sorts of picture likes are very welcome!  And again, share the same way if you would. On the fanpage there will be updates to all sorts of things Galaxy Zento, that includes the book work and more art.

Now, if you want to, and you see something of my art that you really really like or want to show off Galaxy Zento in other ways, that's where you could make purchases if you want to. I do NOT expect you to. But it is available and I have done Autism art as well. The autism art and T-shirts are available on my CafePress page. Kids sizes are there too. If you want a mug or mouse pad compare prices with my DeviantArt page before you buy. I don't get much out of any sales. I get 2 bucks if you buy a mousepad at DeviantArt for example. But you could get something to show off and enjoy.

Sorry, no T-shirts on DeviantArt.  I will take Autism art requests and make them available!

 My stance will always be for autism education. Want to know who I think you should donate to on autism?   Easter Seals and your local Autism Society chapter, that's who.  If you are in another country and have a group that's helping your community (that's legally recognized and legitimate for taking donations) go with them.

So, what I'm asking to recap is for follows and likes on the blog and facebook and sharing. Commets and interaction would also be nice. So there you have it. I will be passing this around to my friends of autism on facebook and email and I hope you will consider it. Let my example be yours. And know that no one with autism is alone. You are not alone. Thanks and I hope you enjoy what you see!

Autism in the workplace

I'm going to use the term Asperger's for high functioning autism here because it's recognizable and familiar. I could say HFA too, but whatever. This is for those who are able to go out and seek employment. You know who you are.

This post is inspired by a comment a while back:

"I've got Asperger's syndrome and so will probably be re-diagnosed as now having mild autism. Since resources are limited, those with a supposedly less severe disability such as myself will likely lose what little support we are getting.

I've read many blogs on the subject and no-one seems to be discussing the fact that the needs of people across the autistic are so very different. Many people with Asperger's, myself included, are capable of living fully independent lives but need a lot of intensive and expensive support...especially in the area of employment"

First of all, we would do well to remember that our needs across all of us vary dramatically from one end of the spectrum to the other. That's why it's referred to as a spectrum. It's hard for us to do that sometimes because of our social blindness that trips us up so much. That same "social blindness" (as I call it- not a medical term) can really screw things up on the job.

Seeking employment with our conditions is a daunting task. Sometimes, as you try to explain yourself, (especially if you do it in an interview) you can almost see the interviewer rolling their eyes:

"Oh gawd, seriously?"

And you know you aren't getting that job. It's a nerve wracking experience to say the least.

So what do you do? Hide the fact that you have any condition? Sure, but then if things mess up somewhere and you try to explain it, you wind up with them either not believing you or penalizing you harder. I've had this happen personally. I've lost jobs because I thought I was following directions and they came around and said, "How could you do that!"  Employment is not such an easy world for those who have autism at any level. No, that doesn't speak for everyone. Some never have a problem, or at least don't look like it. Others with more difficulty wind up with unforgiving employers who have no patience.

And that's what we need, patience and often direct and literal instruction on the job. In todays financially stressed world, there aren't as many patient employers as there should be. So there are some things that we need to do the best we can.

1: Never give up looking for ways to be employed or self supporting.
2: Get career minded and seek schooling for what interests you most.
3: Seek out special programs in your area or state that may help you get training or work experience.

I know, not all of us can do this, and many will need help and guidance. That's why the rest of us advocates need to educate employers and bring this to the attention of our politicians and special programs. Employing someone with autism may take some adjustment and clear communication skills but there are rewards for doing so.

1: Detail oriented. We can be so detial oriented that, once we know our job, we don't vary. And we'll work hard to prove it.
2: Loyalty to company. Once we get into a company and work for them, we can be fiercely loyal to who we work for. We'll be ready to go to bat. We'll help with special projects (so long as we have clear instructions).
3: While not all of us can be awesome with the public (we'll sure try!) many of us can be awesome in behind the scenes project support that will knock your customer's socks off.

Now some final advice for you seeking employment. Something you need to ask yourself:

Are you responsible with your medical conditions? If not, that can and will get in the way of your employment opportunities.  For example, if you have bipolar disorder (severe enough to require medication) and you don't take your medication, you could have problems. It's one thing to be doing the best you can with what you have. It's another entirely to be irresponsible, commit crimes, drink, do drugs, or not take care of yourself. So, if you want to succeed here are a few things to remember:

1: Hygiene... go to work clean! Take showers, brush your teeth and hair, clean yourself and wear clean clothes. Use deodorant! Use soap! Do it everyday if you have bodily odor problems. As you get older you will find your body needs it more and more. Mine sure does!

2: Stay out of legal trouble! Don't get into illegal drugs, don't abuse any drugs, don't drink alcohol. Stay away from people who do these things.

3: Don't be lazy. Get out of bed in the morning, be on time or even five to ten minutes early. Keep to your schedule.

It is hard out there. We do need support. What's sad is that there are areas where we still don't get that support and my own story proves it. I think it's about time I actually share that story.

Shifting tics and drifting minds

This morning, the car needed gas. The poor thing had to be running on fumes as I took my wife to work. Unfortunately, as so often happens, my mind drifted off elsewhere and I drove right on by the gas station. I got all the way to her work and she handed me her bank card.

"What's this for?" I asked.

"To get the gas for the car."

Then it struck me what happened. I know what you're thinking; "Hey man, that happens all the time. It's normal."

Well I have two things to say to that:

1: It doesn't feel normal to me.
2: I could understand this and research shows it's normal to a point.

I hate it when my brain does its drift away thing. It can make it very hard to get where I'm going and finish what I'm doing. It makes me space off important things like current tasks, making dinner, making important phone calls and more.

I've taken the trash out to the can outside and wound up staring at the trash container, wondering why I was there. It may be normal at a certain point, but in my case, I find it terrifying. In any case, my next MRI will be of full spinal and brain so we can try to get a further look at what's going on. So far, concussion causes permanent brain damage cannot be ruled out and is highly likely. Even so, it wouldn't cause me to progressively get worse, so my doctors are concerned on that point.

Finally on me, for a long time there wasn't much of pain involved, but now there is. It's in my calves, knees, elbows, neck and back. The other night, my wife was rubbing the back of my hand gently with her fingers and I was surprised to find that this actually hurt. It felt like my hand was severely bruised, but nothing showed. Now it seems fine. I've experienced the same pain in my scalp on occassion now.

So what about the tics I mention? Well, that brings me to my son who's tics and stims have shifted. They will do that many times as he gets older. All we can do is try to help him work through them and concentrate on what's happening. Some say you can't stop your autistic child from stims or tics, but some have to be addressed. Like forcing a hacking cough that sounds like a cat gagging on a furball. He's developed some new obsessive traits as well that we are trying to help him with.

He's obsessed with the idea that his fingers stink and that he's stepped in something with his shoes. He stepped on a giant slug the other day that kind of sealed the deal for his feelings. Now he does strange tip-toed walks around the back yard that worry us. Maybe I need to step in something gross and handle it like it's no problem just to show him? We really aren't sure. I try to reassure him that something on the bottom of his shoe is why he wears shoes in the first place. I can see it will take consistent application. At times like this I have to remember that he's overcome worse, like being a "poopie picasso". When he was a toddler he would smear feces (it's a texture issue) and nothing tops that, absolutely nothing.

So we carry on and that's all for the update, for now.

Hallucination or Imagination?

My son has a powerful sense of imagination. It's clear to me that it's very vivid to him and has created concern. Not only can he drift off in his imagination at any unexpected moment, but it can be very hard to reel him in. It takes him off task and delays in getting things done. Drifting off into your own world is fairly common for children with autism (who were once considered Asperger's). But what if this is something more than imagination? What are the risks of hallucinations. What do you watch for?

Having a powerful imagination can be unsettling. Just ask Stephen King, who once stated in an interview that he uses a nightlight or leaves his closet light on. Maybe he said that to sell on how scary his stories can be, but then again, who remembers being scared of the dark as a child? A vivid imagination can take some understanding.

According to the article in this LINK, there is a significant difference you can watch for. Better yet, let me quote it:

"True hallucinations, unlike normal childhood imaginary play, are often frightening to the child and cause great distress. They come on suddenly without warning and often linger around for a while before suddenly disappearing. Whether the hallucinations are short or last for a longer duration, the fear and panic they cause the child is very real."

Hallucinations are not part of the description of the autism scale and its comorbidities. But that doesn't make them impossible.  While schizoprenia is extremely rare in children, there are other things that can lend to hallucination. You can see them in the same article but here:

-Lack of sleep
-Reactions to medication
-Illnesses like cancer or with various internal organs
-concussion or other head injury
-severe psychological trauma

Imagination is powerful, there's no doubt about that, but most of it is normal under given circumstances. If your child is excited about Christmas or Easter, for example, he or she may swear up and down that they saw Santa Claus or the Easter Bunny. This is fine and changes as they catch up in maturity.

Speaking of maturity, it's also important to remember that our autism kids (Asperger's) are often delayed in maturity so this may happen in years that are considered inappropriate. Support to your child and reminders of reality versus imagination are usually sufficient in coping with this process. Under most circumstances, such as seeing Santa Claus, you can disregard. You don't want to put undue pressure on your child to mature at a pace they aren't capable of.

Reflecting on World Autism Day

Whenever I see a comment that says "Autism is everyday, not just once a year" in reference to Autism Day, I have to pause for a moment. Some say that just to add to awareness, but some are genuinely insulted that there is a day on the calendar named for our cause. And that's not just the cause of people like me who are lucky enough to be verbal, or parents working with their children, but everyone who lives with autism, everyone.

Having a day on the calendar given to us in this manner is not to suggest that people should only pay attention to autism once a year. It is a grand step towards educating and awareness and we should all be proud of it and thankful for it. Every step that goes towards awareness is a good one and having a day is no small achievement. And lets also not forget that April is also Autism Awarenes Month!

Let me put it another way with an example. Take Veteran's day. Veterans should be thanked whenever you come across them, not just once a year. But there's a lot more to veterans day than that, isn't there? It's a day set to commemorate them and honor them.

Yes, to those of us who live with autism, it's every day. To those who don't, we need to not expect people to wake up and pay homage to autism every day. There's only so much you can expect out of people who don't live with it. There's a fine line between education (awareness) and shoving something down someone's throat. Don't shove it down their throats, the results always turn out bad.

Now, look how far Autism Day has come. It's gone from being celebrated with blurbs in the newspaper to being heralded on all media sources. I saw an advertisement that said "make it blue" and liked that. It's for awareness and everyone sees it. It won't be long before you go buy a calendar and find it marked on that day. That's a great achievement towards awareness.

So I say "thank you" for autism day! Thank you for a day that brings awareness to so many people across the globe. Thank you for a day I don't have to break my own back to give out that awareness. Thank you for a day that may mean less stigma and more understanding for a growing issue. Thank you for showing me how much you are trying to understand.

The day is an honor, not an insult. It's recognition, not ignorance. Should efforts continue to provide awareness and education year round? Of course! No one is saying it shouldn't.

Internet support groups

It seems like you can't sneeze at your search engine without finding a support group on the net. You can find them for anything and at any capacity. Some are small like chat rooms and some social pages. Others are huge with website information, message boards, articles and more. Some internet support is done by a person writing blog articles, like this one. There are all sorts of variations, but what do you need to know in looking for a place to be accepted?

Isn't that what it's really about? We all want a place to be accepted and there are plenty of people who can't seem to find that place in their local avenues. Thanks to a lack of services in small towns or even some cities, the internet has become the go to place for support groups. The good about this is that these groups are easy to find. The bad is that they lack "in person" social experiences.

The most important thing to remember about any social group you join for support of any condition is this:  Everyone else has the condition too. If you join a group for autism, you have to remember that they people you are talking to also have autism and have the same pitfalls in behavior or social skills that you might have. The same thing goes for bipolar disorder. What's worse, words on a screen lack emotion and are subject to being easily misunderstood from what the writer intends. Everyone has extra sensitivity to something and stepping on toes or egos is so easy it's ridiculous. This results in flame and post wars that get people banned or completely destroy the validity of a support group.

Our conditions make us all unreasonable in one way or another and we need to remember that as we enter the support group setting. This is why live support groups usually have a mentor, therapist or doctor on hand to help moderate discussions and help with misunderstandings.

There are a lot of community groups that lack moderation. Places with no moderation risk becoming mosh pits of hostile behavior that do little for support of anyone. Some people like it, but few of them feel the need for acceptance. Rather, they just want a place to go for their bad behavior.

No one is immune to the power of misunderstanding on the internet. Even good moderators can forget that the person they are talking to has a social disorder. That, in itself, is the great pitfall of having a social disorder in the first place.

TIP: When a comment upsets you, STOP and ask yourself: Is this person really trying to offend me or is this a misunderstanding? Remember, you are in the same boat and this person likely thinks differently than you do.

TIP: If you can't get along with someone or feel they are truly attacking you, just block them. Sometimes there is just no way to help that person, no matter what you do and some people really are just there to hurt others.

TIP: Don't stay in hostile territory. When it's clear that the behavior of the group isn't going to be helpful to you, leave. Shop around, there are lots of groups out there and some are bound to be well moderated and much more friendly.

Being in a support group on the net can be a rewarding experience. Just try to remember how your disorder/condition affects you. However it affects you others will be affected similarly, better, or worse. We all have triggers and we all have the potential to "go off". Some people will have quicker triggers than others. By this rule of thumb, you can get along better with others and make your social internet experience that much better.

Losing my coordination

This has been a morning of painful reminders. It feels like my entire  home conspires to beat me senseless. That's not true of course, but when you miss doorways for door frames, walk into walls, open cupboards and crack your knees on everything in sight, well, you get the idea. I feel like a bad comedy skit, and it's a painful one. If there's a way for me to have an accident, I 'll sure find it.

Half our laundry work is done in the kitchen, the washing that is. The dryer is out in our garage storage. It's just the way things are built. Anyway, with the help of a nice tile floor, I managed to step into an empty laundry basket that slid away with my foot. I'm not built to do the splits, let me tell you. That really hurt. It also hurt when I shut the bedroom door on myself.

This is one of the realities of an autoimmune disease/disorder (blast it, I had to stop typing for a few minutes because I couldn't get my fingers to type that last word!). It's more than a little frustrating.

Disorders and diseases that attack your nervous system, like autism and various auto immune disorders, destroy your coordination and balance. Autism isn't known for being progressive, but you change as you get older, believe that.

Children with autism have been found to have motor difficulties. It's why there are so many cases of handwriting problems (for one example). Delays in fine motor skills are not uncommon.

People with MS report problems with dropping things and severe coordination difficulties. It gets worse for any motor skills you don't use. One person who suffers the condition explained to me that basically, "if you don't use it, you lose it". So staying active as much as your condition will allow is important.

Things that help are exercise and motorskill practices. You can check with therapists for ideas on what you can safely do. It's amazing how the simple act of picking something up in your hand can be taken for granted, until you can't do it anymore.

There are no simple solutions, though well meaning folk will offer them.
"Just use a ruler for your straight lines, Dave."
Trust me, I do, but when neither of your hands will hold still, the ruler won't either.

I know I'm not the only one, that's why I'm sharing this today. Today has just been tougher than most. I know there are many people out there who suffer this and feel the same way.

10 years of Denver

Today, my son is 10 years old. I'm taking this moment to reflect on how far he has come in such a short time. I've often referred to him as my little hero and you are about to read why.

Denver has Asperger's (now classified as "Autism") with hyperactive tendencies, social difficulties and sensory issues. Despite his challenges he has always met them head on (sometimes literally). These are some of the greatest memories and achievements as they come to my mind today.

-Where's my buddy?: This was his favorite toddler game. When he started to talk (as he did early on) I would come to get him out of his crib, look around the room, and ask, "Where's my buddy?". He would pipe up all bright smiles, "Here I am!"

-Premature: He was born almost three months premature at 2lbs. Still he came out screaming and only had to be on oxygen once for less than a day. He gained weight quickly and showed us he was ready to be in our big world.

-He learned to crawl and walk early.

-Hydrocephalus: It was mild and self corrected before he was four.

-He had obsessive organization of objects early as well. If something were moved it would upset him greatly.

-Poopie Picasso: Dirty diapers would get smeared on walls thanks to texture sensory issues. If there's any phase I'm truly thankful to have survived, it's this one. As a toddler he had to be put in footie jammies with several safety pins to try and block the zipper. He still got through them sometimes (little escape artist). I can't recall how many times I had to scrub his bedroom walls.

-No boundaries: Nothing stopped him if he wanted something. I remember mornings getting up and finding the contents of the refrigerator all over the floor, pet rats set loose and all during ages of 2 and 3. I once found him on top of the refrigerator eating Cheerios. We also got up to find him sitting in our 30 gallon aquarium with the four pet rats we had (and the aquarium was up on a high stand). He climbed chairs for that trick. He also took apart all manner of "childproof" doorknobs or latches.

-No pain: He developed a sense of pain late. He broke his toe by snagging it in a bit of carpet and falling. We didn't know it was broken until we saw it swell up and turn purple. He also took to taking a running start and slamming his head into his (thankfully hollow) bedroom door. He succeeded in making many holes in that door and one wall.

-Pain: When he did develop pain sensory he explored it in odd ways. His mother sat on a hornet on the couch and it stung her. Seeing what happened as she jumped up and yelled, Denver promptly moved over and plopped down on the hornet himself. The most notable accident that he didn't intend was jumping off his bed into a pile of blankets. In the pile was a die cast airplane that stabbed into his foot. He had to go to the ER for that one.

-Head banging heartache: He had fits as a toddler where nothing could console him. He would bang his head furiously on the floor and have to be held. While being held he would bite and scratch in his blind fury. The only way to calm  him was to cover him with a blanket. I'll never forget how he looked at me one day as I held him and said, "Daddy, why can't I stop?" He had to start wearing a helmet and did so for a full year (at least).

-Potty training: Despite our best efforts, he didn't potty train until Kindergarten when he saw other children using the potty. Just after that we moved to Wisconsin.

-Kindergarten: He had to learn not to bite other children or hit them when angry. We had his diagnosis at 3 years old so his teacher and the school was fully informed. His first school in Lincoln, intended to put him the "behavioral" room and keep him there. His school in Wisconsin kep him in mainstream class. His new school had its own autism library but we would still see difficulties.

-1st Grade: He had to start medication due to uncontrollable outbursts in class. He had a fixation on explosions. He would run up to other children, wave his fingers in their faces and yell "BOOM". They started working with him on social skills and the lunchroom (very loud in lunchroom). His first grade teacher told me he couldn't learn the material and asked if he should be institutionalized. Denver showed her differently by the end of the year. He could literally read words backwards and upside down. He had a classroom aide as well.

-Death of a friend: It was hard for him to understand when we returned to Lincoln a few months after moving to Sheboygan for my Godson's funeral. He loved Zach and the loss hit him hard. He still talks about Zach being his guardian angel.

-Medication Revelation: After being on his medications for a while, he came up to me unexptected and said, "Dad, I can think!" He showed me his home workbook for math, "I can do this!" He was honestly excited.

-Divorce: He went through seeing a his mother deal with illness and our divorce. It was hard on him and we alsoo moved to a new apartment. Because Sheboygan had open choice in schools, I chose to help him by keeping him in the same school so he had something familiar to work with for the year.

-2nd Grade: His teacher was former behavioral education and knew autism. By the end of the year, she confided that Denver had taught her things as much as she taught him. Difficulties in behavior and med alterations happened through the year. We faced challenges when the behavioral teacher asked if he should be institutionalized and voiced concerns about my being a single parent or writing blogs about my child. Though they still worked very well with him all year and he had lots of support; when the same teacher and principal asked that I take him to a different school, I decided it best to do so.

-Death in the family: My father died and we went to his funeral in New York State. Denver learned that he actually likes motorcycles. He gave himself blisters on a small bicycle by pretending to rev like he saw the Patriot Guard doing.

-3rd Grade: Braving a new school and taking a schoolbus. The year went well. He had trouble with respecting teachers and swearing in class. This took the year and a lot of coaching to teach through. He had a great year with very understanding teachers and support.

-Death in the family: His grandmother on his mother's side passed away.

-Big Move: After meeting my wife, Lisa and dating we moved to Louisiana. This was a major adventure for Denver, riding it the big truck so very far.

And now he's almost through 4th grade and about to take the LEAP test. He's in the top of his class for spelling and invited to the school spelling bee. We are very hopeful for him and he has come such a long way and through so very much. Happy birthday to my little hero.

Bad decisions and self punishment

I don't care who you are or what kind of childhood you had, we have all done something we aren't proud of. We have all made bad decisions. That's half of learning when you are growing up after all, mistakes. Some are bigger than other and cost more too, but if you learned something that eventually made you more of an adult, it might have been worth it.

That doesn't mean we should tell our kids to go out and do bad things. We should guide and advise them to the best of our parental abilities. The problem I want to address is when our spectrum kids start to punish themselves for those mistakes. I know I was angry with myself as a child. I didn't know why I kept "screwing up" and began to take a self punishing attitude. Today I have a better understanding and I try to use that with my son. Even so, I still see the possibility of self anger in him. So what can I do to help him understand that we all make bad decisions?

I'll put myself at his level. I remember bad decisions I made and what happened. I can tell him about my experiences so he knows that Dad was a kid once too. I'll be sure to let him know that, today, I'm not proud of those decisions but I sure won't mess them up again. Allow me to give you two examples.

Revenge: I was picked on mercilessly in school and it started in elementary. I was in 6th grade and one of my tormentors was coming at me with a snowball. He intended to shove it in my face, or so he said. He didn't see my friend, Big Jim, coming up from behind him. Jim gave him a bearhug that made him drop that snowball and I did something that surprised them both. I balled up my fist tight in my glove and threw my first right hook ever. Jim was so shocked he let go and that boy hit the ground. I got into a lot of trouble and the Principal asked if I was a bully too. My explanation fell on deaf ears, but I wasn't suspended. All the same, what I did was wrong. I'm not happy about the fact that I did it and I prefer not to get into fights. I'll still defend myself, but I'm not up for revenge. I'll tell my son that hitting didn't solve anything and was a very poor choice on my part.

Competition flaw: Spring of that same year found me walking to school with friends. For some reason we were getting into who could jump the farthest or run the fastest. I picked up a rock and stated I could throw it further than any of them. Naturally they didn't believe me. I said I could throw it clear over a nearby house into the street on the other side. And I went for it before anyone could say anything. I had just as much trouble with my impulses as my son sometimes has with his. The rock cleared the privacy fence and vanished from sight. Even though we couldn't see where it went, the crash of shattering glass was unmistakeable. I was in big trouble. Naturally I ran, and even tried to lie my way out of it. No dice on that and it made the situation much worse. I got a beating, extra chores, and a long grounding. Dad had to pay for the window and I had to write a letter of apology. One bad choice can lead to enough damage without trying to compound it with more bad choices.  Now, if I make a mess I own up to it. I'm the one who should clean up and pay the damage.

Bad choices, we all make them and certainly made them in childhood. We all went through something or other that we aren't proud of today. We survived and hopefully learned a lesson, tough or not. And we all want to be our kids heroes. We want to be that larger than life power for them. But, sometimes, I think it's okay to share our pitfalls with them so they can see it's not so different and not the end of the world. It's a good example for the truth that we must learn from our bad decisions and need not punish ourselves forever on them.