Helping the Birds

Our dryer is out in the shed. That's where several people around here have their dryer hookups. So when I do laundry, I have to take the wet clothes from the washing machine in the kitchen, and go outside to the shed in the carport. You might think that's a crazy place for a dryer until you consider that this is Louisiana. In Louisiana summer temps can break 110 with stupid ease. In tiny houses like ours, having a massive heat element inside when you're trying to keep cool is counterproductive. But then, I didn't want to go on and on about drying clothes in the shed. I want to talk to you about birds. Stupid birds. Better than that, I want to talk to you about helping them.

Yesterday, I walked into the carport and thought that the dryer had suffered a blowout. Lint was everywhere. The dryer was fine however so I dismissed the issue until later. I brought the issue up with my wife later on the phone. It wasn't a complaint, rather "hey, guess what happened to me today". That's when she informed me in casual repose that she tossed the lint out into the yard and it must have blown into the carport.

Before I go any further, let me toss one point in that will quickly become important. It's been raining here. It's been raining a lot.

Now dear wife explained to me that she avoided the trash can standing next to the dryer, took the lint out and tossed it over the backyard gate in order to help the birds. Stupid birds.

ME: Do you think the birds need your help?

HER: Well, no, but it's nice to do.

Is it now? Well folks, let me ask you; have you ever seen a pile of wet lint? I have. Just past my backyard gate, draped over one of my son's toys he left out. It looks like an 80 pound cat hawked up half its fur. It's about as pleasant to step in, I can tell you that. Feeling the mass slide under my shoe had me thinking of anything except wet lint.

Do the birds really need out help with nesting materials? Has anyone gone outside and actually looked at the ground lately? Birds don't need our help. Arguably, they get too much of it already in our super littered world. And what are these birds good for? All a bird does is eat bugs, pump out eggs and crap on cars. No, I know better than that. Don't get mad. But seriously, they don't need our help.

But then she said this: "I've seen them make nests with ribbon."

This morning as I write this I would like to point out that she is not giving them ribbons. It's hairball material from the guts of the dryer. It's hair, dirt, and clothing fragments. I know I did not step on a pile of slimy ribbon. I have yet to see the dryer regurgitate ribbons as our laundry's cast off. No. It's not ribbons. It's crap.

So, it seems I must suggest an alternative or two. 1) Give them actual ribbons maybe? 2) Toss out bird seed; it's far more entertaining than stepping slime. And it's a far better way to enjoy your birds.

I love my wife very much and she knows this is all in good humor. Be well everyone.

Autism: Dealing with Ignorant Comments

You all know what I mean by ignorant comments. It's the witty things people in public say without forethought regarding us or our children an autism. They typically do the same thing for people with disabilities too. It's a never ending headache that some special in-duh-viduals seem bent on delivering. Well, enough. No more Mr. Nice Guy. It's time to at least put a humorous spin on this migraine that is public ignorance. I've also considered that maybe it's not their fault. Maybe they're addicted to the taste of their own feet. Try this next time someone walks by and delivers a stupid comment. Imagine them having to bounce around on their buts because they have both legs in their throat up the knees.

Now for a few favorites from the public blather mouths.

1-"He (or you) looks normal to me."  I hate this one. Time to put this person in their place hard:

"Oh, where did you get your medical degree?"  Watching them bumble in response to that is funny every single time.

"And what did you think we'd look like?"  Again, funny every time.

"I left my hockey mask at home." Watch their eyes grow three sizes.

2- "Oh what's his special skill?"  Because we love having our children referred to like sideshow attractions.

"Knife throwing." Say this with a perfectly straight face regardless of your child's age and get set for a look of sheer terror.

"Putting up with other people's ignorance." To be said casually as if you knew the question was coming the whole time.

"Why, do you want to buy tickets?" If they say yes, charge them 50 bucks and say it's non-refundable.

3- "Maybe you should spank him."  Or some similar idiotic phrase.

"What? You want to spank my child?" Said loud enough for the rest of the public to hear. Then watch that idiot make tracks in a hurry.

"Maybe you should get a lobotomy." Hey one stupid suggestion deserves another.

"Thank you for your useless advice."  If they are even halfway listening, it should get their goat.

4- "Shouldn't be in public." Comments like this one are usually said from one idiot to the other about you or your child. Of course they seem to want you to hear them.

"Neither should you." If they can't handle what the public has to offer, they should stay home.

"It's rude to talk about people like that."  The old "call em out" routine has a pretty good track record of shutting people up.

"Wow, you're helpful." Because no, no they aren't. And this one makes a good comeback for several situations.

Now, you probably shouldn't actually be mean to these people and some just can't be taught anything. But it sure can relieve some stress to think of some snappy comebacks to try and kick start their poor addled brains. In any case, here's hoping you got a chuckle. Don't let public ignorance get you down.

How does this comment on autism grab you?

First of all, credit to Cracked.com for all commentary I am about to quote from them. I'm a big fan of Cracked, so this is not a hate blog. Cracked has a solid reputation for putting real facts in their comedic writing. They have a knack for showing us how absurd the world really is when it comes right down to it. So, when I saw they had an article on some of the truths about guns, I had to read it. With issues of gun control in media hysterics, it's a perfect fit to the times.

5 Mind Blowing Facts Nobody Told You About Guns

That's so you can read the whole article at your leisure. And you should.

There's another fit to the times that I'm not sure they fully noted when they wrote the section I'm going to share with you today. I was reading through the section on mass shootings when one sentence brought the entire flow of the article to a screeching halt in my head. I literally had to stop reading right there and re-read the sentence again. Then I read it again. And I read it again. Then I re-read the whole paragraph. Then I finished reading the section and re-read the last two paragraphs. I actually had a hard time reading the rest of the article because I was so flummoxed in how this sentence read.

NOTE: I don't think this is what Cracked actually thinks of people with autism. My reading constipation comes from how the sentence makes its impact. The way it comes across leaves you wondering what they mean by the comment. It stands alone and its direction is unclear. If you, like many in the autism community, have been outraged by the idea that autism made Adam Lanza go on a killing spree; you'll understand why it could be such a raw nerve. That's why I think some expansion should go into the article on that.

So before I go any further, this is what I would like from you, dear reader. I would like to know how the content reads to you.  Here it is in it's full paragraph form:

"Let's play criminal profiler for a minute. Describe the next school shooter. We know he's out there; the stats prove that. We know he's a he. But we know more than that, right? If you pay attention to the news, this shouldn't be very difficult: These guys are all nerdy or autistic loners who get bullied at school and play violent video games at night until they can't tell the difference and finally lash out. The Columbine shooters are the poster boys: goth outsiders who even made a Doom mod to simulate the shooting. These kids get picked on and can't defend themselves, and they see guns as the only way to get even."

Now, the context is hard to grab until you get clear to the next paragraph where they share facts about the Columbine shooters you probably never knew. But nothing more is said to say that none of them were autistic. That comment floats unresolved forever. However, they do state there is "no typical school shooter profile", but you know how we like clarity and resolution. Check the next paragraph:

"Except it turns out that the Columbine shooters, Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold, weren't bullied and weren't "goth" loners. In fact, they boasted about bullying the "fags" in school themselves. They didn't target bullies or "jocks" who wronged them (the bombs were supposed to kill everyone, including their friends). It turns out that Eric Harris was simply a psychopath -- an intelligent, charming mass murderer like you've seen in a dozen bad serial killer movies. Dylan Klebold was just a depressed kid who went along with it -- so even the two people involved in the same shooting had totally different reasons for doing it."

So, while it specifies that these guys weren't bullied and thus resolves the idea of bullying as a cause, it doesn't do that for the mention of autism; one of the hottest nerves in the community today.

Let me repeat myself, that I don't feel it was their intention to slam autism in any way. I don't want people to plague the site with ugly comments (they get plenty of that and are quite used to it).  I want to know if I'm alone in how this hit me. How does it connect to you?  I do strongly recommend that you read the whole section to get a full feel for it before making any decision. In fact, I beg that you do so.

Is your bath warm enough?

I'm fortunate to have a child who absolutely loves his bathtime. I'm sure it helps that we have a great big tub that he can make a small swimming pool out of. Getting in the bath excites his imagination and all sorts of little worlds come into play. That makes it hard to get him to concentrate on the actual cleaning, but hey, he's halfway there right?

Well, about two years ago he threw us a bit of a curveball in taking his bath. Everything was set out for him, his jammies and towel and there was no problem with leaving him alone in the bathroom. Now we all know what a towel is for, drying off after your cleaning escapade, but keep the definition in mind.

I was handling other business around the house and he was in his bath, and he called for me. It didn't sound urgent so I walked in calmly to see what he needed. I found him in his bath complete with his towel. The towel freely floated in the bathwater.

"What are you doing?" I asked pointing at the towel.
He looked up at me, just as matter of fact as you please, "I got cold."

Naturally, he figured that, since a towel warms him (after he gets out of the bath) and his bath was getting cold, the towel would warm him back up. What happens when the whole towel gets wet didn't occur to him. So, with explanations and a few laughs, I helped him get out and get a dry towel. I followed up with, "Do you think you should do that again?" His answer satisfied me that he learned his lesson.

They're so literal

So literal that context is lost, that's our kids sometimes. They're good memories, those times as they get so humorous when they mean to be so very serious.

My son was only four or five when I played with him in his room. I tickled him and he is still ultra ticklish everywhere to this day. I growled and said "I'll eat you up!"

His expression became just as serious as could be, "You can't do that! There's blood in me!"

What a smart little man, maybe too smart for his own good? Still I couldn't help but laugh and that didn't go over particularly well either. I had to explain to him that we would never actually eat him and we treasured him far too much to let any harm befall him. That made him feel better, but he still didn't see the humor in what he said.

Now I try to teach him the meaning of a good joke once in a while. I try to teach him how other kids will make fun when they really don't mean any harm. One of the pitfalls of autism is that such a loss of context can last all our lives and we can be years behind "growing out of it" without support. It helps him to understand that a child who makes an odd comment is only trying to be funny and not hurtful. Helps him to understand that the best response is simply to laugh.

It's not such a natural skill to us. Even so, I hope I never forget that funny day with my son. It serves as one of the shining moments in watching my children grow. I value it as highly as seeing him take his first steps, or an achievement at school. Keep the funny and happy times in the back of your mind, they make the tough trying times a little easier to bear.