And yet we are blessed

This is a really tough blog to write. I'm going to explain something I haven't yet because of several reasons. As I explain this, though, I want you to understand how blessed we are because of the assistance we have had and the people who are working with my son now. Yes, we are blessed in spite of the situation.

I used to be able to order and give out free stuff in my Galaxy Zento biz. I can't now. I've told people that we are bent over a barrel and there have been some medical issues with myself and my dear wife, but I haven't explained this part of the story. Why? Because I'm not looking to bitch or sob. But I have contained this long enough that I really can't just stay shut down over it any more. I need to talk. There are names I still cannot say, so forgive that and just bear with me.

As many of you know I have a super 13 year old son with autism. He's a great kid and we are so proud of him every day. He's gone through so much. Right now he's in a "private school" that specializes in his educational needs. The reason our family has no money for any extras (and barely enough for some essentials) is that we are paying 298 dollars a month to put him through school.

It could be worse, but a wonderful, wonderful company fronted half the years tuition. So why don't we have him in public school? This is the hard part. The part where I can't name names. But it's like this; about two years ago, my son had to spend a few months in a hospital for the heavy stress related injuries caused by the school system. Without going into a ton of details, it's as simple as that.

I've been asked why I can't afford to buy copies of my own game or pay for pro artists etc, well that's why. And frankly, my son is just a little more important than how they think I should try to start my business. But that's just a side frustration. I digress.

Sue them? No. Believe it or not, that would actually hurt quite a few people. I spoke to a very good attorney who won a case for another family against the same system over 5 years ago. That system owes said family over a hundred grand and has yet to pay a single penny. Not only that, but the system will retaliate and drag my son's current school under a microscope to "see if he's getting proper education there". That would hurt every student there that this wonderful school has helped. So, the way we are doing this is the best way we possibly can.

We live by circulating credit cards, not having cable, and keeping it at the bare essentials. And it's totally worth it. My son has been helped so very much, that I love that place. I would rather be house poor than see them hurt him. Because they told me, to my face, that middle school here would not follow his IEP and they had no fear in telling me that because there is just no damned enforcement here. And my family is not the only special needs family they have done this with. They scare families away so they don't have to deal with them.

So, for you IEP warriors out there. PLEASE don't ask who they are. I won't tell you. If you find out, please don't contact them, you will hurt us and countless other families. I just needed to talk it out. I know many of you will understand.

What saddens me is how much some people don't understand (like the elitists of Kickstarter and board games who ran me off). Finding out only that I'm disabled was enough for them to say I was full of excuses and to go away. God only knows what they'd say about my son. Again, side frustration. Sorry.

But we never give up. I fight to show my son that it's always worth it to keep going. I'm so proud of his accomplishments and overcoming. And before anyone asks. We never told him to blame his school system even though he's fearful of certain people if he sees them in public. He sees his time at the hospital as something he needed to help aim in the right direction and learn important life skills. He does not consider himself a victim, rather a growing boy with his own difficulties. Now we just have to figure out what we are doing about High School once we have him caught up, because if we can't move, he will be back in that system again. Not sure what we'll do about that.

Considering Suicide? Reasons to LIVE!

Facing suicide is just about the most serious thing you can do. You don't have to do it alone and depression is a powerful demon to face alone. So you definitely should seek help. If you found this post, you were likely looking up issues on suicide online. Please consider finding this an act of fate to intervene on ending your life. Give yourself the chance to read these reasons to live and take them to heart long enough to live another day or get help.

You are not worthless: Depression gets deep into your inner ear and tells you lies about yourself. That's what they are, lies. You are not worthless. Everyone has value even if they don't know what that is yet. You are valuable to someone else too, even if it doesn't look that way today.

Depression lies to you: As if saying above wasn't enough, it bears repeating. Understand this clearly; your depression is trying to kill you. Don't let it.

You will make a positive impact in someone's life: Sooner or later and more than once. You will matter in someone else's life. It's a simple reality. You just need to hang on long enough and keep fighting for your life. Do you have a child? Children look up to us for guidance. By living you can still make good with your child. By dying, you seal off all possibilities forever. You also never know who that stranger will be around the corner who would have benefited somehow by meeting you.

Nobody's perfect: While your depression argues these points in your head, remember that no one is perfect. We all screw up and have to come back from it. Sometimes, we change our lives forever, sometimes, we bounce right back. That's life, my friend. It's still livable.

Someone will have to clean that up: Basic logic says that someone is going to find your body. Someone is going to have to clean up the mess you leave behind. Even if you just take pills, your bowels and bladder will let go and leave a mess. Don't make this happen any sooner than it needs too. People die enough already without helping the issue. And if you have young children, why would you want your lifeless body too mar their young memories and nightmares forever?

You're creating expenses bigger than what you are already dealing with: Look up the cost of a funeral. It's not a fun prospect and you'll be putting that on someone else's shoulders. If you think your family's finances are bad now, why would you want to add this to the problem? Insurance? Nope.

Insurance companies deny claims over suicide: Even if you have a suicide clause of some kind, it's going to screw up your life insurance seriously. At the minimum it will delay payment to your family for months (even  years) and cause even more expensive legal issues while fighting their decisions. Suicide is not a one and done deal. You may be gone, but the effects of what you do will linger forever.

You have potential you haven't found yet: No matter what, you have potential for something good somewhere or somehow. You just haven't found it yet. Denying this just proves the point even more. You won't know it until you see it. If you die, you'll never get to find out. Don't let depression rob you of life's possibilities.

The pain won't end: It continues with those you left behind. Think you have no family? What about that nice neighbor you talk to or that guy at that little store where you get your coffee every morning. You might be someone else's ray of sunshine in the morning and not even know it. You will affect someone. And if you are religious, suicide is a sin. So whether we are talking about those left behind or the philosophical, the pain won't end. Which makes another excellent point;

It's not a good way to prove your religious beliefs: Not only will you not be able to tell anyone about what you discover, you may discover possibilities you hadn't considered. You'll have a hard time finding a religion (taken seriously) that tells you it's okay to kill yourself. If you're an atheist, it's still a terrible way to prove there's no God. Who would you prove it to exactly?

You may have to live it all over again: If you've ever believed in reincarnation (to follow up on the religious argument) you have to consider this. What if you have to come back and do it all over again because you decided to flip the off switch yourself? If you aren't enjoying things this time around, what makes you think a do over will be better? Maybe this is your test in life? Overcome it instead. If you believe in the Bible at all, you will know that God says you are rewarded for your suffering, not for ending it all. I wouldn't want to roll the dice on this possibility.

It will get better: If there's one thing human beings are famous for, it's the power to adapt. And logic dictates that things can't stay bad forever. If you are being bullied, life will get better. It will! Hard times will pass and new times bring new possibilities. If it didn't kill you when it happened, it wasn't meant to.

The world will not be better off: Nor will anyone else. Your death will not make an impact on the global state of the world. It will be a sad footnote and a local tragedy. Death does not make anyone better off. Statistics for crime, war, and domestic violence prove it. Suicide is a dark shadow, a smear on the world. It's not worth it.

It won't "teach" anyone anything: Except for how depressed you were. It's also a terrible idea for revenge. You aren't going to get anyone back for anything. All you'll do is what's already been mentioned above. No one is going to hear about your death and say, "Boy, that guy sure taught me a lesson!" No. They're going to shake their heads and wonder at what was wrong with you. Death removes you from debate. If you want to teach someone something, find a better way to do it. Find new success in your life and live in spite of your haters.

If you are considering suicide for any reason, please get help. Call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255.   This post dedicated to the influx of calls to suicide hotlines after the death of Robin Williams.

Divided we fail

And right here on our own soil we are very divided. It doesn't matter what we are trying to achieve, it will be far harder if not impossible without standing together. We apparently haven't learned to set aside our differences, despite history beating us over the head with them.

Just look at all the ways we fight and tear ourselves apart.

Politics: Democrats and Republicans, conservatives and liberals, calling each other names and fighting over things that should be common sense. We vote for our politicians based on their label rather than what kind of person they really are if they really are qualified for the job. Don't even get me started on taxpayers shelling out millions of dollars (major overkill) to some politician running for President. You know what that amounts to? Paying a prospective employee to apply for a job. That's what they are doing! Applying for a job! There's a better way but that's for another post.

Religion: We are supposed to have freedom of religion and that's all fine and dandy. But it does very little for the fact that we still judge each other on beliefs. It doesn't stop at whether or not you believe in or worship God, but right down to how you do it. Catholics, Protestants, Lutherans, Baptists, Mormons, Jews, 7th Day Adventists, and more. And don't tell me they love each other when they've been fighting throughout history. Why can't we learn from our mistakes? The Crusades, the Inquisition, and right down to Protestants and Catholics blowing each other up over in Ireland. Yeah that's another country, but still holds to prove my point. DIVIDED. It's not having all these different churches that's really the problem, it's the fact that we refuse to tolerate each other and get past differences.

And there is the bottom line. We have to stop depending on labels to tell us what a person is like. We have to get past our differences. There are great people in our American history with holidays named after them, and we still aren't listening to them. People like Martin Luther King Jr. His words apply to so much more than racial differences. They apply to all our differences.

Worrying about how someone believes what they believe or what they label might be is a waste. Set it aside, learn from the heart and mind rather than what is merely on the surface. Realize we are all human and in this mess together. From there, work to make our world a better place. And don't disregard these words because you think your neighbor won't do it. The true question is, will you do it in spite of all else? Can you?