This is an insult to combat veterans and the autism community

PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) is a very real affliction and comes to us in many ways. People who suffer severe trauma or are in a traumatic situation constantly, are high risk for PTSD. I think just about everyone understands that this is a bad thing. Examples of people who have PTSD include, combat veterans, bullying and abuse victims, rape victims, and survivors of catastrophic events.

I respect the pain of any one person. What I don't respect is behavior like this:

On the face of it, it's innocent enough, but at the bottom line, it's faulty. It's inappropriate. It's ableist (hard to believe I'm using that word), and it's an insult to every actual combat veteran out there. It's also extremely selfish. It also completely ignores someone more important than Mom and Dad, namely the child who suffers more than anyone. I'm about to share why this is totally wrong. I'm going to share the comparisons just like I did with some parents who believe in it (because there is a whole facet of the autism community that uses this and it's wrong).

How to compare to the stress faced by a combat soldier: TRIGGER WARNING

1: Watch all your friends DIE violent, explosive, and bloody deaths including complete dismemberment.

2: Wear your buddy's brains around on your shirt because he got his head blown off right next to you.

3: Spend a day gathering your fellow soldiers body parts for identification.

4: Fear common trash piles for the rest of your life because they could be a roadside bomb.

5: Have a society suicide rate of 22 a day. Yes, 22 veterans take their lives every day according to statistics LINK    (I am currently unable to find a statistic on autism parents who kill themselves, but I can find about 2 or 3 cases of parents killing their kids in the last 4 years)

6: Have a homeless rate greater than 8% of the total homeless community. 

Now let me share the direct responses I had to this:

"My son has tried to choke me and his brothers pulled knives."  And yet you haven't had to live through 1, 2, or 3.

"While all situations are not comparable, the chemical reaction that goes on in the body is." Way to dismiss peoples actual experiences!

"My children are violent every day." Lots of people are violent every day and no one is diminishing that for you (except for you). None of those other people need someone else's suffering to get attention.

Important note: None of the people I spoke to was a combat veteran (yes I asked).

The missed the point entirely. Here's another way of looking at this:

AUTISM MOM'S SUFFER PTSD SIMILAR TO RAPE VICTIMS

Sounds fair to rape victims right? Or maybe this:

AUTISM MOMS SUFFER PTSD SIMILAR TO SURVIVORS OF THE JEWISH PRISON CAMPS OF WW2.  (Because you know, physical torture, gas chambers, and acute starvation are totally the same!)

Because we want people to think that our pain is held above anyone else's. They fail to understand that this diminishes the suffering of someone else and uses it inappropriately as a status booster for your own suffering. And the point stands that it is NOT similar at all. If you want to point out that autism parents suffer PTSD from their difficulties, that's fine. Let me retype that in larger print for those who just can't figure it out:

IF YOU WANT TO POST THAT AUTISM PARENTS SUFFER PTSD FROM THEIR DIFFICULTIES, THAT'S FINE. 

Don't use someone elses statistics to bolster your own. Never mind the fact that you make your children sound like the most broken and useless things in creation. And you probably think they can't notice what you think of them in that way. Have you ever thought about the fact that just maybe they can? How would you feel? 

I guess it would be okay for combat veterans and rape victims to start comparing themselves to autism parents, BUT THEY WON'T.

If you want to compare yourself to a combat veteran, go be one!

As for the rest. I will not support anyone who does this. It's a paramount of disrespect and the fact that you want to fight to keep it, says a lot about you.

Considering Suicide? Reasons to LIVE!

Facing suicide is just about the most serious thing you can do. You don't have to do it alone and depression is a powerful demon to face alone. So you definitely should seek help. If you found this post, you were likely looking up issues on suicide online. Please consider finding this an act of fate to intervene on ending your life. Give yourself the chance to read these reasons to live and take them to heart long enough to live another day or get help.

You are not worthless: Depression gets deep into your inner ear and tells you lies about yourself. That's what they are, lies. You are not worthless. Everyone has value even if they don't know what that is yet. You are valuable to someone else too, even if it doesn't look that way today.

Depression lies to you: As if saying above wasn't enough, it bears repeating. Understand this clearly; your depression is trying to kill you. Don't let it.

You will make a positive impact in someone's life: Sooner or later and more than once. You will matter in someone else's life. It's a simple reality. You just need to hang on long enough and keep fighting for your life. Do you have a child? Children look up to us for guidance. By living you can still make good with your child. By dying, you seal off all possibilities forever. You also never know who that stranger will be around the corner who would have benefited somehow by meeting you.

Nobody's perfect: While your depression argues these points in your head, remember that no one is perfect. We all screw up and have to come back from it. Sometimes, we change our lives forever, sometimes, we bounce right back. That's life, my friend. It's still livable.

Someone will have to clean that up: Basic logic says that someone is going to find your body. Someone is going to have to clean up the mess you leave behind. Even if you just take pills, your bowels and bladder will let go and leave a mess. Don't make this happen any sooner than it needs too. People die enough already without helping the issue. And if you have young children, why would you want your lifeless body too mar their young memories and nightmares forever?

You're creating expenses bigger than what you are already dealing with: Look up the cost of a funeral. It's not a fun prospect and you'll be putting that on someone else's shoulders. If you think your family's finances are bad now, why would you want to add this to the problem? Insurance? Nope.

Insurance companies deny claims over suicide: Even if you have a suicide clause of some kind, it's going to screw up your life insurance seriously. At the minimum it will delay payment to your family for months (even  years) and cause even more expensive legal issues while fighting their decisions. Suicide is not a one and done deal. You may be gone, but the effects of what you do will linger forever.

You have potential you haven't found yet: No matter what, you have potential for something good somewhere or somehow. You just haven't found it yet. Denying this just proves the point even more. You won't know it until you see it. If you die, you'll never get to find out. Don't let depression rob you of life's possibilities.

The pain won't end: It continues with those you left behind. Think you have no family? What about that nice neighbor you talk to or that guy at that little store where you get your coffee every morning. You might be someone else's ray of sunshine in the morning and not even know it. You will affect someone. And if you are religious, suicide is a sin. So whether we are talking about those left behind or the philosophical, the pain won't end. Which makes another excellent point;

It's not a good way to prove your religious beliefs: Not only will you not be able to tell anyone about what you discover, you may discover possibilities you hadn't considered. You'll have a hard time finding a religion (taken seriously) that tells you it's okay to kill yourself. If you're an atheist, it's still a terrible way to prove there's no God. Who would you prove it to exactly?

You may have to live it all over again: If you've ever believed in reincarnation (to follow up on the religious argument) you have to consider this. What if you have to come back and do it all over again because you decided to flip the off switch yourself? If you aren't enjoying things this time around, what makes you think a do over will be better? Maybe this is your test in life? Overcome it instead. If you believe in the Bible at all, you will know that God says you are rewarded for your suffering, not for ending it all. I wouldn't want to roll the dice on this possibility.

It will get better: If there's one thing human beings are famous for, it's the power to adapt. And logic dictates that things can't stay bad forever. If you are being bullied, life will get better. It will! Hard times will pass and new times bring new possibilities. If it didn't kill you when it happened, it wasn't meant to.

The world will not be better off: Nor will anyone else. Your death will not make an impact on the global state of the world. It will be a sad footnote and a local tragedy. Death does not make anyone better off. Statistics for crime, war, and domestic violence prove it. Suicide is a dark shadow, a smear on the world. It's not worth it.

It won't "teach" anyone anything: Except for how depressed you were. It's also a terrible idea for revenge. You aren't going to get anyone back for anything. All you'll do is what's already been mentioned above. No one is going to hear about your death and say, "Boy, that guy sure taught me a lesson!" No. They're going to shake their heads and wonder at what was wrong with you. Death removes you from debate. If you want to teach someone something, find a better way to do it. Find new success in your life and live in spite of your haters.

If you are considering suicide for any reason, please get help. Call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255.   This post dedicated to the influx of calls to suicide hotlines after the death of Robin Williams.

Bullying and Suicide: A Special Message

See that picture? I drew it a long time ago. It's called "Persecution" and it's what bullying looks and feels like. Click on it to see it up close.

I've been seeing commercials and reports for the "It gets better" project. Along with that there is the Trevor Project. Now, these are geared toward teens who are gay or lesbian and that's fine. Bullying is wrong and no one should be pushed to the point of killing themselves. It's a tragedy. I'm not part of that particular walk of life, but I did survive severe bullying myself. That's why I'm coming forward with something to say on the matter.

As far as I'm concerned, bullying someone (especially to death) for their orientation of race, religion or sexual orientation is a hate crime (and should be if it isn't).

I want to point out, if you are reading this and you are considering suicide because of bullying (and you are gay, lesbian, transgender, or questioning) you should contact the Trevor Project at 866- 4 U Trevor (866-488-7386). While you're at it, you should visit http://www.itgetsbetter.org/ (CLICK IT!) and view videos of what people like you have to say. Or try my video:


Now, what if you are being bullied for some other reason? It's no less wrong and every bit as serious. I was bullied simply because I'm different. The bullies thought my odd reactions were hilarious and were willing to do anything to get them. No one knew about my Asperger's syndrome at the time, but that's purely academic. Wrong is wrong. I was poked with pins and pencils, knocked down stairs, shut part way in lockers by groups of kids, and walked home bloody two or three times a week. I had to plan escape routes every day. Junior High was hell. I failed 7th grade, and no wonder. I couldn't walk down the hall, sit in class, or anything without being taunted and tormented. You'd think it would get noticed right? HA! Think again. Let me tell you about the mindset I was dealing with... and it's still out there.

MAJORITY RULES: Teacher says: "Well, David, there are three of them and one of you, so who's story do you think get's believed? You should stop trying to get people in trouble." Bullies are conniving and know how to work the system. Somehow, in a sick twist of reality, majority means honesty. It's a numbers racket considering the bullies as "witnesses" rather than bullies. Three witnesses outweighs one, right? Never mind the fact that I was the child in tears and they were the ones with big ol smiles on their faces. How did that happen?

THE SQUEAKY WHEEL IS THE CULPRIT: So I'm sitting in class and the kid behind me stabs me in the back with a nice sharp pencil. Of course I cry out. Now, because of all the difficulties, I look like the "problem child", so any noise I make is automatically wrong. I get punished for disturbing class. The bully is practically in stitches trying not to fall out of his own desk laughing. Now on the flip side, I've also had kids call out "David stop it!" when nothing was happening, they still believed the bullies. I was thrown out of class a couple of times. Anyone still wondering how I failed 7th grade?



I considered suicide more times than I care to admit, but there it was. As of today, I don't believe in suicide. I have four great kids and a wonderful lady who loves me. I wouldn't have any of those things if I took my own life.

But it's hard. Being bullied makes you feel worthless and helpless. I contributes to conditions of depression. Imagine being in a deep dark hole that you can't climb out of. Passers by know you are there, but they won't help you. Instead, they mock you, laugh at you and occassionally throw something at you. You can't respond, you can't fight back or you are the one who is punished. You may as well be restrained for everyone's twisted pleasure. That's how wrong it feels. Now it's a matter of survival.

Yes there are programs for anti-bullying now, but more are still needed. I get stories all the time about our autistic kids getting bullied while teachers tell them to just suck it up. I'm sure it's the same for any victim no matter why they were bullied.

But, if you are being bullied, no matter who you are; don't take your own life. As they say, it does get better. You can overcome. And if you don't think you could call the numbers above, try 1-800-SUICIDE for the national suicide hotline.

Please know that you are not alone. Bullying has been around a long time and has many survivors and victims. We want you to survive. Pick up the phone, get online, call someone. Make contact! Don't give your life to the bullies. They aren't worth it.

It's bigotry that needs to "die"

Today I want to talk about our school officials and the trust we put in them. Especially the trust we put into those we vote for and elect into place. We trust these people with the task of taking care of our school districts. We trust them with the well being of the education system of our children. Violating that trust is a heinous act.

Clint McCance is a board member somewhere in Arkansas who's earning his fifteen minutes of fame for violating that trust and being a true blue bigot. Recently, there was a day where people were asked to wear purple for five teens who committed suicide after being bullied for being gay. Point to consider: TEENS! That means, for all intent and purpose, these were children. Okay? So, recap on important points: School Board Member, Children.

If you click on the picture, you can see the direct quote from Mr. McCance where he suggests that suicide is appropriate for these CHILDREN.

I feel sorry for any teens in his district. Because Mr. McCance is telling them, if they are gay (or maybe any number of things that he doesn't like) they should kill themselves.

As far as I'm concerned, Mr. McCance is a failure and travesty to his position. I have half a mind to write to him and his board to tell them that. He should be made to step down. Just because he's elected, doesn't mean he should get to keep that position. After all, how long before he doesn't like "retards" and thinks our special needs kids should kill themselves? Please note the quotation marks as I don't agree with that word myself but it's what bigots like to use.

I feel this way for any person in our education system who does things like this, hurts our kids or their education, or shows their true colors to violate that trust at all. I don't care what state they are in. Our children are in school for an education on academics, not to learn how to end their lives because they don't measure up to some jerks expectations. Not to learn how to be bigots either. It's lack of acceptance in our over populated world that is just one more thing destroying us.

There are greater problems in our world than racial, ethnic, religious belief, or sexual preference. Seriously, maybe we should finally start working on things that need the attention. Our school system sure needs it and Mr. McCance is a shining example. How about housing and employment? How about war and our economy? How about a screwed up political system? How about crime? You know, rape, gangs, drugs, and weapons? Wow, wasn't hard for me to come up with a list was it?

Advocating suicide is wrong, I don't care why. And these were kids, that makes is all the more heinous. Take a stand.

Destroying Lives

In this post I want to talk to you about stigma and discrimination. These are just words, but they carry the power to destroy lives.

Stigma is a negative attitude toward any given characteristic of a person. This is often a broad and community issue fueled by discriminatory behavior of even a few and belief in untruths about those characteristics. Stigma is considered to be a negative portion of discrimination.

Discrimination is the treatment or consideration of a group by way of class or category rather than individual merit. It is the assumption that all persons of a particular class or condition are the same whether a negative or positive idea. Discrimination follows the ideas of stereotypes created by stigma in society.

There is an assumption that all people with bipolar disorder are dangerous or "crazy". The key to recognizing discrimination for what it is, is the broad and all encompassing assumption. The key is the word "all". It could be substituted with "every" or other similar words. This is how you recognize the falsehood that is discrimination. It is an unrealistic idea and belief in it hurts innocent people.

It just isn't possible for every individual with a medical condition to be the absolute same. Just like we have had to learn for race, religion, sex and age. So when are we going to learn?

I am going to use myself as my own best example once again. I worked in a career I loved dearly. I was an Animal Control officer and I was looked to with great trust and appreciation of my work for five years, until I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. Suddenly, I could do nothing right. I was written up and threatened constantly with disciplinary actions. They were even taking steps to have me put before a comittee to have me even more punished and stripped of my rank. They even decided who they were giving that rank too, long before they got there. If you don't think that's ridiculous yet, try this; on my last review, a reason for me not to get a raise was that I was suddenly afraid of dogs. Never mind the hundreds of them that I had taken in regardless of their attitude or demeanor. Never mind that I handled some of the most dangerous animals the city had to offer. Suddenly and out of the blue, being afraid of dogs (which was not any part of city policy) meant I should not get a merit raise.

They lurked over my shoulder on the job and even took complaints they never would have given a thought of, to use against me. They accused me of being sneaky and trying to cover my tracks. Tracks from what? Oh they came up with all kinds of fantastic things. Things that you might take for granted on any given day, but may have been "construable" to appear against the rules.

I went to the Equal Opportunity Commission and it took them a full year past the time I had to give up my job. Why did I quit? Because my Union attorney said I was going to be fired if I didn't. The EOC did very little to actually investigate, they barely considered any paperwork I offered and didn't question a single one of my witnessess. They gave me a right to sue letter though. Very flimsy and gave me little chance of justice. After a year of searching, I found an attorney. We filed suit and after a great deal of paperwork a judge decided he just "didn't like it" so threw it out of court. See how they all line up for the same belief? Don't think so? How about the assumption that all city offices must be honest?

Yep, every single one worked in and lived in the same city and had practically the same beliefs. I was sunk before I even began. Now it's too late. I will never see justice. I suffered an immense breakdown before the discovery that I actually had Asperger's Syndrome which quickly explained everything they thought about me. Not that they cared, they didn't want a crazy person working for them. One of my therapists called what I suffered as "loss of identity". Now, because of them making all of my conditions worse with traumatic levels of stress, I will never work a normal job again.

Did I deserve that? Maybe I deserved a write up here or there, but not permanent disability. No one deserves that. So here I am, at my home in Wisconsin because I couldn't stay in Nebraska. And I can tell you that there are plenty who are treated this way for no justifiable reason who take their own lives. I almost did.

They are in my nightmares, to this day. Do you know that the laws on discrimination for mental disabilities do not accurately cover anyone who has them? You have to show that your condition actually disables you. Otherwise it is considered perfectly legal to discriminate against you and that is what they told me directly and word for word in Nebraska.

It's a good thing they don't do it like that for any of the other categories, otherwise you might have to prove that you are black enough or jewish enough to be discriminated against. Just an example folks. Think about it.

Education, it's the answer.