How did I get here?

At times I find myself reflecting on what I survived and how I got here. Memories don't like to stay away, but then sometimes it's important to remember. It's important to remember that I survived this long for a reason. Bigger and badder events have tried to take me down. They failed. Why should current events be any different?

Not that anything really bad is happening right now. I've had a few difficulties in recent days and struggling with MS has been nothing less than frustrating.

Yesterday I wanted to bag up some of the leaves that have been in my yard for months. I managed to pull off a bag and a half before nearly reaching collapse stage. I was furious; mostly at myself. How weak it seems that I can't bag some stupid leaves. Yes, they were wet and rotting, therefore heavier. Yes, it was 84 degrees outside and MS hates heat. But still, I wanted the work done. I still want the work done. Oh, I did also use the push mower to do the front yard (by push I mean no engine) which is a staircase of tree roots. I probably should have stopped there.

I remembered that I used to be a soldier. I used to do 50 pushups at a time. I can do 20 now, but it wipes me out for hours. I went to basic training in South Carolina where we marched in 90+ degree heat. Now I can hardly tolerate just standing in 90 degree heat.

But I'm still breathing and functioning. I'm still doing a lot of things that defy the odds. I've lived my life doing this. I've been put down and kicked while down and still got back up. So maybe I need a check list that reminds me?

Abusive alcoholic/drug addict stepmother: Survived.
Severe and violent bullying through school years: Survived
Run away from home and become a street urchin child: Survived
30 years of chaos and loss because I didn't know I had Asperger's: Survived

All that and managed to stay away from drugs, alcohol and crime. So I have a lot to be thankful and for and a lot that didn't take me down in the first place.

I know I can only hold back MS so much. I know I can only keep doing my artwork for so long. I just need to remember how I got here and what's important today. Bit by bit and piece by piece is how I have to do things. That's just the reality of it.

So maybe sometimes, the musings over the past can reflect on the present. It all depends on how I utilize those memories. Or something like that.

Considering Suicide? Reasons to LIVE!

Facing suicide is just about the most serious thing you can do. You don't have to do it alone and depression is a powerful demon to face alone. So you definitely should seek help. If you found this post, you were likely looking up issues on suicide online. Please consider finding this an act of fate to intervene on ending your life. Give yourself the chance to read these reasons to live and take them to heart long enough to live another day or get help.

You are not worthless: Depression gets deep into your inner ear and tells you lies about yourself. That's what they are, lies. You are not worthless. Everyone has value even if they don't know what that is yet. You are valuable to someone else too, even if it doesn't look that way today.

Depression lies to you: As if saying above wasn't enough, it bears repeating. Understand this clearly; your depression is trying to kill you. Don't let it.

You will make a positive impact in someone's life: Sooner or later and more than once. You will matter in someone else's life. It's a simple reality. You just need to hang on long enough and keep fighting for your life. Do you have a child? Children look up to us for guidance. By living you can still make good with your child. By dying, you seal off all possibilities forever. You also never know who that stranger will be around the corner who would have benefited somehow by meeting you.

Nobody's perfect: While your depression argues these points in your head, remember that no one is perfect. We all screw up and have to come back from it. Sometimes, we change our lives forever, sometimes, we bounce right back. That's life, my friend. It's still livable.

Someone will have to clean that up: Basic logic says that someone is going to find your body. Someone is going to have to clean up the mess you leave behind. Even if you just take pills, your bowels and bladder will let go and leave a mess. Don't make this happen any sooner than it needs too. People die enough already without helping the issue. And if you have young children, why would you want your lifeless body too mar their young memories and nightmares forever?

You're creating expenses bigger than what you are already dealing with: Look up the cost of a funeral. It's not a fun prospect and you'll be putting that on someone else's shoulders. If you think your family's finances are bad now, why would you want to add this to the problem? Insurance? Nope.

Insurance companies deny claims over suicide: Even if you have a suicide clause of some kind, it's going to screw up your life insurance seriously. At the minimum it will delay payment to your family for months (even  years) and cause even more expensive legal issues while fighting their decisions. Suicide is not a one and done deal. You may be gone, but the effects of what you do will linger forever.

You have potential you haven't found yet: No matter what, you have potential for something good somewhere or somehow. You just haven't found it yet. Denying this just proves the point even more. You won't know it until you see it. If you die, you'll never get to find out. Don't let depression rob you of life's possibilities.

The pain won't end: It continues with those you left behind. Think you have no family? What about that nice neighbor you talk to or that guy at that little store where you get your coffee every morning. You might be someone else's ray of sunshine in the morning and not even know it. You will affect someone. And if you are religious, suicide is a sin. So whether we are talking about those left behind or the philosophical, the pain won't end. Which makes another excellent point;

It's not a good way to prove your religious beliefs: Not only will you not be able to tell anyone about what you discover, you may discover possibilities you hadn't considered. You'll have a hard time finding a religion (taken seriously) that tells you it's okay to kill yourself. If you're an atheist, it's still a terrible way to prove there's no God. Who would you prove it to exactly?

You may have to live it all over again: If you've ever believed in reincarnation (to follow up on the religious argument) you have to consider this. What if you have to come back and do it all over again because you decided to flip the off switch yourself? If you aren't enjoying things this time around, what makes you think a do over will be better? Maybe this is your test in life? Overcome it instead. If you believe in the Bible at all, you will know that God says you are rewarded for your suffering, not for ending it all. I wouldn't want to roll the dice on this possibility.

It will get better: If there's one thing human beings are famous for, it's the power to adapt. And logic dictates that things can't stay bad forever. If you are being bullied, life will get better. It will! Hard times will pass and new times bring new possibilities. If it didn't kill you when it happened, it wasn't meant to.

The world will not be better off: Nor will anyone else. Your death will not make an impact on the global state of the world. It will be a sad footnote and a local tragedy. Death does not make anyone better off. Statistics for crime, war, and domestic violence prove it. Suicide is a dark shadow, a smear on the world. It's not worth it.

It won't "teach" anyone anything: Except for how depressed you were. It's also a terrible idea for revenge. You aren't going to get anyone back for anything. All you'll do is what's already been mentioned above. No one is going to hear about your death and say, "Boy, that guy sure taught me a lesson!" No. They're going to shake their heads and wonder at what was wrong with you. Death removes you from debate. If you want to teach someone something, find a better way to do it. Find new success in your life and live in spite of your haters.

If you are considering suicide for any reason, please get help. Call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255.   This post dedicated to the influx of calls to suicide hotlines after the death of Robin Williams.

Autism and fractured communities

On every autism group website I have visited I see a claim of community. We claim to be a community coming together or already there. The truth is, autism is the one medical condition that has more dissension and diversity amongst the members of it's community above any other. Allow me to explain that.

Anti-vaxxers, curebies, ND's(Neurodiversity), SA's (Self Advocacy), and even "Autism traitors" are labels we pass out indiscriminately amongst ourselves. At the same time, we adamantly shout not to label us. Along with those labels are heaping helpings of hatred and insults. One side or group is constantly bashing away at another for some perceived insult to their very existence. For one "group" that I haven't seen a label for, may as well give them one and call them "Parent Haters" or PH's. This group is more adversarial towards parents of autistic children with accusations that they are only trying to "cure" their children for their own selfish needs (and destroy who those children really are in the process). Then there's hatred to NT's (neuro-typical people) that is just as bad. With all this internal segregation, let me ask you something;

How can we expect to ever be taken seriously? I have searched other medical conditions for this phenomenon. I searched bipolar disorder and multiple sclerosis, for example. I searched cancer and physical disabilities too. Autism is the only medical condition that acts more like some kind of deranged politics mixed with religious standings. It's putting people at each others throats. Believe it or not, I actually have a theory or two as to why this is happening.

It really comes down to two things:

1) The fact that autism affects each person and family differently.

combined with

2) The inherent social blindness of autistic conditions.

For example, here is a quote from a PH: "I don't need a cure or treatment, so why should anyone else?"

It's well documented that people with these disorders (and this is why it's seen as a disorder) miss how other people are affected by various issues (including autism). There is a natural tendency to expect sameness in a personal view within everyone else. It's like we forget that, just because we see the world in a certain way, we aren't like everyone else. We forget that everyone sees things in their own way. This is especially destructive in autism as I listed above.

Autistics who don't believe they need treatment or cure, automatically assume that no autistic needs treatment or "cure". And I say "cure" very loosely because there isn't one. The same can be said for those who dislike diversity or advocacy. They lose sight of the fact that everyone is different and has different needs. Not everyone has the same intensity of those needs either.

Another example is the eruption of internet flame wars where the slightest difference in base opinion becomes an accusation of being the Anti-Christ and gets accused of criminal bullying on all sides. This erupts in waves of inappropriate behavior to include creating "blacklists", negative blogs, and even direct angry emails. And while all sides shout "bullying", none of them stop. Yes, I realize flame wars are part of any internet meme and I've seen them. I just hadn't ever seen them at this degree before. It's about as volatile as high scale nitro glycerin, and most of the opinions aren't even meant to be insulting, or could just be ignored.

A lot of the internet wars happen because of high sensitivities in all parties. Those same sensitivities are very common in autism.

We need to stop and remember that there is more than one way to be affected by autism. The more we persecute parents over their children (none of anyone's business by the way), people over advocacy, diversity, or wanting disability rights, the worse we all look as a result. None of these beliefs are facist, racist, traitorous, or out to destroy us all. None of them are criminal or wrong.

Someone wants a cure? Let them. No one can force it on you. No one can make you get an abortion either.

Someone wants help for their child? Let them, it's none of your business. And if you are a parent, try worrying about your own kids.

Someone says "neuro-diversity"? Let them. It actually has helped some people and that's a good thing. You don't want it, you don't have to have it or subscribe to it.

We need to stop assuming we know what everyone else should have or do. You know how we hate words like "retarded"? How about "crazy"? Well, I have talked to people who have seen all the behaviors above and they can't see is as anything but "immature" and "crazy" too.

If you want to represent something, make it something helpful, not hateful.

Autism: Expecting too much of ourselves

There is a trait in our self patience I want to talk about today. I don't think this is in all of us but it's in me, my son, and I've it in many others. We have a tendency to take the world around us very seriously. In doing that we take ourselves twice as serious as anything else. We don't give ourselves margin for error. We get very upset with ourselves in the process.

A witness may not understand where the sudden anger came from. They might even think we are angry at them or someone else in the room. It's amazing how hard it is to explain in the midst of the moment. Where do such high self expectations come from?

For one, they come from wanting to be acceptable to everyone else. To us, we see our shortcomings as very expensive and potentially damaging. If we've had bad experiences in the past with others misunderstanding our mistakes (and most of us have)it compounds the issue. Past experience may include bullying, where enough daily taunting hit its mark. Dealing with impatient parents, teachers, or any other adults who punished us for those shortcomings make a mark too. It's hard to overcome your programming from youth.

Think about it, if you grew up with a condition that made you struggle, and no one gave you any patience in it, would you give yourself any patience today? I doubt it because you were taught otherwise. With a natural tendency to take things too seriously, we are at a disadvantage from the start. It's also what causes us to not do so well with stress. We can carry only small loads in that department.

My 9 year old son, already has hardships with himself. We counsel him on them the best we can. We tell him that everyone makes mistakes and they aren't the end of the world. We teach him that a mistake is an opportunity to learn something new. We teach him it's not worth being angry at himself. Hopefully, by starting in his youth, this will make a big difference for him as an adult.

For me, it's a hard lesson because I was taught the other way harshly. The bullying was hell and they often said I deserved it because I was a screw up in their eyes. There were a lot of them and the school was unmoved to assist. Have enough bullies on you and society takes a new shape. The drunken and drugged step-parent figure didn't help. I had no safe place to go. The only marginally safe time of day, was when my father got home from work. Even then, I would hear her ranting over what a horrible child I was to the point of screaming and yelling. Her punishments that included drinking sour milk, chemical burning my hands, and screaming daily obscenities also taught me the wrong lesson. I was taught that mistakes are not allowed, or you will be punished most severely.

So, now I'm hard on myself. It's not as bad as it was just a few years ago. I can give myself credit for what I've learned. I've come a long way. Now my story and these facts serve to help others. As with any of my blogs, I am glad to have it shared where ever my readers feel it would help. Just use a link back to here for shameless credits sake, right?

Remember to give yourself credit, it's actually a healthy thing to do.

Bullying and Suicide: A Special Message

See that picture? I drew it a long time ago. It's called "Persecution" and it's what bullying looks and feels like. Click on it to see it up close.

I've been seeing commercials and reports for the "It gets better" project. Along with that there is the Trevor Project. Now, these are geared toward teens who are gay or lesbian and that's fine. Bullying is wrong and no one should be pushed to the point of killing themselves. It's a tragedy. I'm not part of that particular walk of life, but I did survive severe bullying myself. That's why I'm coming forward with something to say on the matter.

As far as I'm concerned, bullying someone (especially to death) for their orientation of race, religion or sexual orientation is a hate crime (and should be if it isn't).

I want to point out, if you are reading this and you are considering suicide because of bullying (and you are gay, lesbian, transgender, or questioning) you should contact the Trevor Project at 866- 4 U Trevor (866-488-7386). While you're at it, you should visit http://www.itgetsbetter.org/ (CLICK IT!) and view videos of what people like you have to say. Or try my video:


Now, what if you are being bullied for some other reason? It's no less wrong and every bit as serious. I was bullied simply because I'm different. The bullies thought my odd reactions were hilarious and were willing to do anything to get them. No one knew about my Asperger's syndrome at the time, but that's purely academic. Wrong is wrong. I was poked with pins and pencils, knocked down stairs, shut part way in lockers by groups of kids, and walked home bloody two or three times a week. I had to plan escape routes every day. Junior High was hell. I failed 7th grade, and no wonder. I couldn't walk down the hall, sit in class, or anything without being taunted and tormented. You'd think it would get noticed right? HA! Think again. Let me tell you about the mindset I was dealing with... and it's still out there.

MAJORITY RULES: Teacher says: "Well, David, there are three of them and one of you, so who's story do you think get's believed? You should stop trying to get people in trouble." Bullies are conniving and know how to work the system. Somehow, in a sick twist of reality, majority means honesty. It's a numbers racket considering the bullies as "witnesses" rather than bullies. Three witnesses outweighs one, right? Never mind the fact that I was the child in tears and they were the ones with big ol smiles on their faces. How did that happen?

THE SQUEAKY WHEEL IS THE CULPRIT: So I'm sitting in class and the kid behind me stabs me in the back with a nice sharp pencil. Of course I cry out. Now, because of all the difficulties, I look like the "problem child", so any noise I make is automatically wrong. I get punished for disturbing class. The bully is practically in stitches trying not to fall out of his own desk laughing. Now on the flip side, I've also had kids call out "David stop it!" when nothing was happening, they still believed the bullies. I was thrown out of class a couple of times. Anyone still wondering how I failed 7th grade?



I considered suicide more times than I care to admit, but there it was. As of today, I don't believe in suicide. I have four great kids and a wonderful lady who loves me. I wouldn't have any of those things if I took my own life.

But it's hard. Being bullied makes you feel worthless and helpless. I contributes to conditions of depression. Imagine being in a deep dark hole that you can't climb out of. Passers by know you are there, but they won't help you. Instead, they mock you, laugh at you and occassionally throw something at you. You can't respond, you can't fight back or you are the one who is punished. You may as well be restrained for everyone's twisted pleasure. That's how wrong it feels. Now it's a matter of survival.

Yes there are programs for anti-bullying now, but more are still needed. I get stories all the time about our autistic kids getting bullied while teachers tell them to just suck it up. I'm sure it's the same for any victim no matter why they were bullied.

But, if you are being bullied, no matter who you are; don't take your own life. As they say, it does get better. You can overcome. And if you don't think you could call the numbers above, try 1-800-SUICIDE for the national suicide hotline.

Please know that you are not alone. Bullying has been around a long time and has many survivors and victims. We want you to survive. Pick up the phone, get online, call someone. Make contact! Don't give your life to the bullies. They aren't worth it.

Looking ahead and concerns for our youth

Sometimes I find myself thinking about all the monsters out there in our society. I find myself realizing that I must teach my son to defend himself against them. It's a very complex mode of thoughts.

If I were only talking about physical altercations with school/work bullies or some mugger somewhere, it would be simpler. If I were only talking about stranger danger, it would be fairly concrete. But no, it goes much deeper than that. It can also get far more convoluted.

There are many kinds of human monsters out there and the ways they will seek to do damage are as diverse anything we know. Some of them victimize for possibilities of money, others for some perverted pleasure. It reminds me of one of the types of bullying I had to live with. There was no defense against it and it worked very very well.

It was done by some very good acting and sounded very convincing. Once I was sitting by the projector in class as the teacher was talking. One student piped up and said, "David, leave the projector alone". He sounded convincing and the teacher bought it. They already thought of me as a "problem child" so it was easy to get me into trouble. I was thrown out of class without touching the projector or anything near it. The boy thought it was outright hilarious.

False accusations and other ways of being used are things I fear for my kids. Our kids on the spectrum are reported to having trouble with areas of trust and even being too trusting, or gullible. Unfortunately, this is one fire that has to teach it's heat in it's own way on many levels. You can't teach them to watch out for everyone and everything. You can only do your best to teach good decision making. Teach that if something seems wrong, don't do it. Even that won't protect them from someone who will prey on their good intentions.

It's also sad, that onlookers will take this little act at face value and leave the victim hanging for it. That we haven't learned in our society by now, too look deeper than the surface of what's happening. That is how innocent people get smeared and marked because others don't stop to look at the details that matter. That's why we are all supposed to be innocent until proven guilty. But that doesn't seem to apply to general society. Something that needs to change.

Until it does, I will have to do what I can to help my son prepare for the predators out there. They never stop coming. I'm still a target and I'm forty. It's a very sobering fact. So, as you walk around out there today, try to take notice of the underlying details. Ask yourself what all the possibilities could be. Just to see what you can come up with. And try not to take that person you saw, or how someone else marked them, at face value. If it really matters, seek out the truth for yourself.

Picture of Nelson Muntz property of FOX.

Anatomy of a schoolyard bully

Anatomy of a bully, what kinds are there? Does it make it any difference in how you deal with a bully to know where they're coming from? Maybe so. Nothing can change the fact that bullying is wrong and cruel. Nothing can change the fact that schools need to have a proactive stance on bullying. I think it's worth a look however, to try and see why the bully is partaking in his or her behavior. What's causing them to act out? To me, it seems that there are five types of schoolyard bully and these are totally my own definitions. Feel free to add your own views in comments.

The Angry Victim: This child is angry and hurt from some other issues that the school may not know about. He or she is taking their anger and pain out on others. They may be victims of bullying from larger kids, siblings or abusive parents. What ever the case, they need intervention and help.

Cruel: This is a child who has learned or been inspired somehow to be mean because they consider it "fun". This is the worst type of bully and should be looked at closely for possibilities of serious mental disorders.

Authoritarian: This child thinks they are somehow an authority or need to be the Sheriff of the school yard. They may be somewhat athletic and study in martial arts. They excuse their bullying by claiming they are "teaching someone a lesson". The sources from this could stem from any of the other bully types, but it makes them more dangerous because they truly think they're bullying is "justified" and they have the authority to do what they are doing. Could be a classic narcissistic trait. Leaders in college hazing fall in this category because they think that pledges must suffer to join the fraternity.

Discriminator: This is a bully more likely to commit hate crimes over race, religion, sexual preferences, or just being different. They commit their bullying because they think their target is somehow a lesser being and doesn't belong. This can go strongly in hand with Authoritarian and may often be combined.

Follower: This person is a bully by default and association more than anything. They may not even want to be a bully, but they are too afraid of the lead bully to do anything about it. They go along with bullying to avoid being the next victim.

We already know what happens to victims of bullying. They suffer loss of self esteem, post traumatic stress, and rise to risk of social outcast, drug abuse, and suicide. But what about the bully who is allowed to carry on without intervention?

Bullies who grow up learning that they can get away with the behavior risk falling into criminal lifestyles. They learn that violence or abusive behavior is acceptable and that only grows the longer it continues. Of all the bullies, the one who grows up to be the most dangerous is the Angry Victim. Since they are a combination of bully and victim they grow to be jaded and resentful. They carry all the risks of the victim with the possibility of being the one to explode and take others with them. Even their own families.

Next to this is the Cruel bully who does it for fun or entertainment. They will be abusive to their loved ones and use people for personal gain. It's been considered that several serial killers may fall into a category like this or the Angry Victim. Both could fall into criminal lifestyles easily with gangs or worse.

So, when it comes to preventing or taking any action against bullying, it's helpful to remember that both sides will hurt in the long run if nothing is done. Bullying hurts everyone and leads to broken lives on both sides. Knowing the source of a bully's behavior may help to intervene and correct. Again, there is no excuse for bullying, but the more ways we can find to combat it, the better.

Bullying in the 2010/11 school year

With every new school year it bears notice that bullying must be acted upon and prevented. Kids will tease each other. To a point that is natural, but should not go unchecked in teaching them how to respect each other.

Children who are chronically bullied are at high risk for social and psychological problems. My area in general, has very good anti-bullying programs. Unfortunately, I still read stories and hear from parents around the country and globe, that their area is in need.

You can do something about it. Talk to your school about an anti bullying campaign or activities. Talk to your school PTA because they can be valuable allies in corresponding with school and enacting those activities. Educate on what students can do when they see someone being bullied. Have kids make posters or have an anti-bullying day. If there's a school fair, see about setting up and anti-bully activity booth of some kind.

Kids have to be taught that it's not right to hurt others for entertainment. People's differences should be respected and not pointed out for laughter. So lets look at the new school year with determination. If your child comes to you about being bullied, take it seriously and talk to the school. Get involved to stop bullying.

Back to Bullying

Well, it's school time yet again. To me, that's high time to take a look at the issue of bullying once again. We need to remember not to just pass off what looks simple to us and remember that growing social and emotional minds are at stake. We can't say "just toughen up" any more, it doesn't work for those who are socially and emotionally disabled or "behind".

True we have taken great steps in stopping physical violence in schools, but bullying doesn't stop at the physical. It's non-stop harassment from which there is no safe haven. It's covert and cruel and makes it's victims feel helpless. That's not good natured ribbing I'm talking about, it's mental assault and it's vicious.

Sometimes the child who complains becomes a target of the teacher as well. "Why are you such a weakling?" Well, hey, if an adult can do it, so can I; becomes the attitude of the rest of the class.

Think about this, do you let your child put down the boy in the wheelchair or on the permanent crutches? No? Then why allow it at all? It's just as bad to do it to anyone else and I mean anyone. I don't care what the reason is. If you don't like someone, stay away from them, but don't victimize them into a state of depressed oblivion.

Remember, what would they be thought of as adults if they treat others that way? What if they do that to a client of their business or a family member? What do we think of that? I don't know of anyone who likes it.

We all want our children to be successful and lead good lives. We can help make that happen by stopping bullying, protecting our children and teaching them too.

Autistic Opinion: Teacher Reinstated

Sometime last year, a kindergarten teacher named, Wendy Portillo decided she had enough of little Alex Barton. She didn't like his behavior, never mind the fact he was in process of a medical diagnosis. She didn't understand him and demonstrated that she didn't care to. She stood little Alex up in front of his class. She then instructed each student to stand up, look at him and say something they didn't like about him.

Alex has Asperger's Syndrome, a form of autism that caused all of his irregular behaviors.

Wendy Portillo was suspended and had her credentials stripped away. Most fitting for committing child abuse in my opinion. But it didn't last.

The School board in Port St Lucie, Florida decided to reinstate her recently. Apparently, a reported dozens of parents and teachers, flocked to her aid. They said she just made a mistake and to give her another chance. A mistake is what they called it. I find that ridiculous and I'll tell you why.

Wendy Portillo emotionally and mentally abused Alex Barton because she just couldn't hold her temper with him anymore. What happens when a parent is caught abusing their own child, much less someone elses?

Not only that, but as a teacher, someone those children looked to for knowledge, she taught bullying as a way to deal with kids you don't like. That was bullying in the classroom.

Wendy Portillo hurt a child, used other children to do it and as a teacher that should be unforgivable. Unfortunately for the town of Port St Lucie, "dozens" of parents and teachers think thats A-OK or "just a mistake". What do you think?

Autism and Trauma Part Two: Bullying

Bullying is killing our children. Don't believe me? Put the words "bullied to death" in your search bar or Google them and see what you get. You'll see a list that boasts over 32 million results for how children are being relentlessly tortured by their peers. You'll find stories of schools getting sued because they failed to protect a child on their premises, and he or she took their own life. Time magazine recently put out an article on two eleven year old boys who hung themselves because they just didn't know where to turn. They were accused of being 'gay' and harassed to a breaking point. So far as I found, those were neurotypical children. They were bullied because they were different. If our typical children find it hard to escape or let it go, how must that be for the autistic?


I survived bullying that has brought instant tears to the eyes of some of my readers in the past. For that matter, it shocked many just by talking about it. Much of what happened to me ocurred in the presence of an adult. Why didn't they intercede? They were under the impression that we were just being kids. A boy on the playground once looked at me strangely and said, "Here, let me fix that for you." Being an Asperger's child, I took him literally, having no idea what he intended. He put one hand on the back of my head and the other over my nose. He pressed suddenly and hard, blood erupted down my face. "There, that's better," he said with a smile. I went straight to the teacher on the playground. I don't remember him getting any more than a minor 'slap on the wrist'. No follow up was done and every day on the play ground after that, he would smile at me from a distance until I noticed him and then run away.


That was in elementary school around fifth grade. Junior High was truly a nightmare. I was singled out for just about everything I did or every reaction I had. Between every class I ran a guantlet trying to avoid being shoved into lockers, having my books taken away and thrown downstairs or in the garbage, being kicked and punched, or even shoved down the stairs myself. I walked home from school an average of twice a week with blood on my face from my nose or mouth. I had no safe haven and there was no justice.


"Why don't you just be normal?" the adults would ask sternly. So it was my fault that other kids wanted to brutalize me. I know today that isn't true, but that was the loud and clear message to me back then. Besides that, I could not be normal. I had autism, though Asperger's is a self masking condition and no one knew. The simple fact is this, I am not now, not then, nor shall ever be, normal. It's a word I have come to despise.


So, what can we do about bullying in our schools across the nation? Education is the answer. We need to teach our children that hurting each other, teasing each other, is wrong. Stop passing it off as 'they're just being kids' because that's just not true any more. Child cruelty is growing out of control by leaps and bounds. When a child as young as seven years old, decides to take his own life, you lose the power to say, "he was just being a kid".


Schools need to implement a zero tolerance policy with mandatory counseling for both bully and victim. Make that policy known in every single classroom. Get the kids involved. When ever bullying is witnessed, all the kids should point right at the bullying child and say, "Hey! NO BULLYING!". It's an instantaneous public and social response that puts the bully on the spot by his peers.


I also suggest the book, Asperger's Syndrome and Bullying by Nick Dubin. He's an autistic author I have come to respect a great deal from his writing. You can find his books on Amazon. The school my son goes to has a beautiful program called 4>2 (Four is greater than two), or better said as 'for is greater than to'. It simply means that doing something for someone is better than doing something to someone. It is taught through all the grades of his school and powerfully advertised with bulletins on every wall. It's a system that has impressed me greatly.

If you see a need at your child's school to combat bullying. You must pull all stops. Print out this blog and show it to the faculty of that school. Print out the stories of lost children and use them as teaching aids as well. Find public speakers (like Nick Dubin and myself) to talk to the school and teach them about how bullying must stop and what can be done about it. Or take the podium yourself and share your own experiences. Help your school to implement a program. You can also demand that the school take steps to protect your child from an aggressor. If they absolutely will not take action after all these steps, you may have to consider the consult of an attorney. Our public schools are obligated to protect our children. This has now been proven by case law across the country.

I survived bullying in order to spread education on the trauma it causes. Even the most good natured teasing can be tough for our autistic kids, so imagine what outright bullying does. Take action, stop bullying.

Part 3 will be about abuse, so stay tuned and thank you.

Autism and Trauma: Part one

I know I've mentioned before that traumatic events are harder on autistics, but why is that? First lets take a look at what constitutes a traumatic event:

Fear: We actually have a very sensitive startle reflex that others have trouble understanding. They say, "why is it so easy to scare that guy?" and confuse it with a personality flaw. Depending on how hard we get startled we can face two-fold trauma of what startled us and public embarrassment.

Bullying/Abuse: Asperger's children are highly susceptible to bullying and can run into abuse situations easily as well. Since I am a survivor of both I can cite some definite examples. For one, since my behavior simply was not like any other child, I carried a large bull's eye with me every where I went. Even though I changed schools often, the outcome was always the same. My reactions made other kids laugh and some got downright cruel to get those reactions. Children without proper diagnosis, with parents that are frustrated with them and don't understand what is really going on, can submit a child to abusive situations, even if unintended. The trauma of feeling worthless or unloved still takes it's toll heavily.

Crime Victimization: Becoming the victim of a crime is highly traumatizing in it's own right. Add the oversensitivity and black/white thinking of an autistic and it's pure chaotic terror. Loss: Losing a family member, friend, way of life or even an object can induce traumatic effect.

Sensory Events: This often rides hand in hand with the startle reflex, however, can be harsh on it's own as well. Loud sounds that cause pain or discomfort (or other sensory effects of the same outcome) can create longlasting memory.

So, why are these so much harder on the autistic? Simply put, we are typically very late in developing the defense mechanisms to protect ourselves and cope with things around us. We find it hard to let things go even if they seem small to everyone else. Our needs of routine, sameness and predictability are as strong as our need of food, water, and shelter. It takes years of practice and learning to be able to handle some of the most basic changes in our lives. When you take someone who is so sensitive to their surroundings that moving and object two inches upsets them, what do you think the effects of moving into a new house will do? To a neuro-typical person, this is pretty commonplace these days and you can "get over it". To an autistic, it's destruction of everything they know.

So traumatic events can start with smaller events than would affect a typical person. With the impaired coping mechanisms, it may be impossible to let go of events that occur for much longer than typical. How, then, can we help with trauma of such a sensitive scale? With early intervention and constant support techniques. With Asperger's syndrome and high functioning autistics, it is possible to help get past some forms of trauma. It takes constant practice and reassurance, but it can be done. Take my son, for example. He had the misfortune of a dog biting one of his little fingers. He's now terrified of dogs. I take every opportunity I can, to introduce him to friendly dogs that we meet. Sometimes he'll touch and pet them, sometimes he won't. In either case, he gets to see a friendly dog with others, like me, petting it and getting positive reactions.

Naturally there's a lot to be said for timely counseling and interventions. Especially with bullying but that will be another blog. In my next blogs, I am going to go into each area of trauma and tell you how to handle them. So stay tuned, part 2 is in production now.