Autism and Violence

In my last posting, I discussed the deadly crime of Adam Lanza. I discussed that having autism by itself does not indicate a tendency to become homicidal. Anyone who does become a murderer has a list of factors that led to their actions. That's not to condone those actions, rather to show that there is no single factor that makes one a homicidal maniac.

Today I want to talk about violence that does occur with autism and other inhibiting conditions similar to autism. Just like anything, there is a spectrum or scale of violent tendencies that can occur and they are not what you would normally expect.

Involuntary Stress Reactions: Consider a young man heavily affected by autism. He needs assistance in practically every facet of life. In each step of his day, a great deal of patience is required to work with him. If pressed too hard or if someone gets in a hurry, they risk a violent outburst. This could be flailing, kicking, biting, and even throwing things. It comes from severe difficulty relating to the world around them. This is a person who lives under constant stress in trying to function each day. He requires consistency in all things, from how he brushes his teeth to how he puts his shoes on. Everything has a delicate routine and he is so sensitive to it, that the slightest variation risks an overload to his stress limits and senses. With consistent therapy and support, some people's outbursts can be controlled. Some can even learn a limited sense of self control.

Why does this happen: Imagine all your senses and your limitations on stress at their near maximum just because you woke up today. You live on a proverbial balance beam where a hair out of place means a long fall. And that's what it feels like. I feels like your world just fell apart because someone move your alarm clock one inch out of place. That's giving you the most extreme possibility, but it does exist.

Involuntary stress reactions are not always violent either. What I am talking about is an automatic response to stressors, like tapping a nerve in your knee. It can be as simple as an odor that always makes you gag. You may not be able to control it without years of practice, if ever. When ever you come across that odor, you gag uncontrollably. Phobias are involuntary without treatment. It's an uncontrolled and severe fear. It's an uncontrolled response to that fear.

Young autistic children, even if high functioning, struggle in social development. This, as you might imagine, has to be very stressful. Our high functioning kids can learn not to be violent however and that is usually what is required. No, not all are violent. But it stands to reason that kids do go through phase where they will hit or kick other kids because they don't know how to react to the situation at hand. From what I have personally seen in autistic youth, it seems this phase can be drawn out.

Take a kindergartner who bites another student because he is angry. It could be for anything. They could have just bumped into each other. If this kindergartner has autism, that could be a sensory issue. He could have misunderstood and thought the other child did it on purpose. Maybe he reacts to being touched by surprise. Clearly, many factors could take place to the involuntary response. Regardless of them, it's a response from a sudden stress. In most cases, the behavior is correctable and treatable over time. This is involuntary because you combine a sudden stress with lack of developed impulse control.

This is the kind of violence that can be found in autism. It is not calculated or homicidal. It's not meant to be cruel either. It's nothing more than an automatic response to stress. So, when someone wants to talk about violence and autism in the media; it's time to get more of an education on just what kind of violence really happens in autism alone. Autism, by itself, is not a contributor to homicidal or psychopathic tendencies.

Connecticut school shooting and autism?

On Friday, December 14th, 2012, in Newton, Connecticut, Adam Lanza embarked on a mission of death and destruction. He took two 9mm handguns and shot his mother to death. That wasn't enough for him as he took those guns to Sandy Hook Elementary and opened fire in two classrooms. 20 children of ages 5-10 and 6 adults lost their lives.

The media calls this the second worst shooting of it's kind due to the death toll. I say it is the absolute worst of its kind due to its depth of depravity. Historically school shootings have taken the lives of adults. Horrifically, Adam Lanza chose to kill small children.

I am personally horrified at what has happened and my heart goes out to all the families who have suffered such a terrible loss. It's the worst loss any parent could suffer.

But what about the report that Adam had autism? If you read this Huffington Post article, you'll note that there are many discrepancies being mentioned. Just compare to this AP article (sorry I lost the link and now cannot find it, but you really should google search and compare for yourself).

-Huffington reports that he may have autism OR a personality disorder. This tells me that no one knows what he had or how. This is very important! When the media reports that some spree killer gunman was autistic, they create stigma among the uneducated that hurts the autism community.

-Reports on the guns being properly registered is also debated. Some sources say they weren't and at least one says they were. Not that it matters how they were registered at the bottom line. Adam clearly would have used them either way.

-Reports that his mother worked for the school are debated. Apparently there is report that no one at the school knew who she was.

Obviously, the media is not the best source to learn about autism. And I'll say this too: autism does not mean homicidal. Honestly, anyone can become homicidal and there are a wide variety of factors that add together to explain why. Until the media can get the story absolutely straight, we aren't going to know why he did what he did. There's only one thing that matters; what he did was heinous and an act of despicable terror. We need to remember this.

Again, my heart goes out to the families. My own youngest is 10 and I know all of you parents out there share the sentiment. Adam Lanza, for what ever he was dealing with, decided to become a killer. Now there are so many young minds scarred from his final acts in life. I hope they concentrate on the lives and minds of those poor kids. I also hope they eventually get the story straight.

You sent this 10 year old to meet Stan Lee!

Yes you did! I'm talking to all the wonderful people who donated to this cause and gave my son the morale boost and memory of a lifetime.  Today I show you how the convention went for my son. I really hope this makes it around to everyone who pitched in to this cause. I will share it several times to try and make sure.

The autograph signing and photo were done at two separate times. Both times required one of the hardest things a child with autism can do; wait in line. The autograph happened first and we got in line early. Lots of people were there to capitalize on getting Stan Lee's autograph and it amazed me. There was a man ahead of us with two huge stacks of comic books to be signed. What's even more amazing about that is that he had to pay 55 dollars for each one. I'm sure he must have paid over a thousand dollars for all those autographs. Seeing people do this explained clearly for me why it cost so much. All these people wanted was for their collections to be worth more money. Stan Lee deserved every dollar he got from them and more.

We had a copy of How to draw comics the Marvel Way, by Stan Lee and John Buscema. I let Denver hand him the book when our turn came. Denver tried to tell him about the class project he did where he pretended to be a statue of Stan Lee (class wax museum project) and he couldn't get his voice up over the crowd. I helped him and Stan Lee said; "Well I hope he got a good grade!" with a wide smile. I said he did and we were on  our way. It was a great experience but it would be topped.

When time came to stand in line for the photo ops, it was another long line and it took some time. There were lots of people who paid "VIP" so they could go first (just as many as who didn't) so that seemed a little ridiculous but it mattered little once we got there. One of the volunteers came through and told everyone that no one was to shake Stan Lee's hand. I could understand this because we are talking about an 89 year old man. A hundred people squeezing his hands would have to really hurt in short order.

Once our turn came, Stan Lee recognized Denver from before and we were to stand on either side of him. Denver wasn't sure where to stand exactly and that's when Stan Lee reached out and put his arm around Denver. "Come on over here, bud. Now look right over there at the camera." Denver heard  loud and clear, that no one was allowed to touch the man. Having Stan "the Man" Lee put an arm around him after that announcement made it just that much more special. You can see it on his face in the photo and he came away from it ecstatic. Stan Lee made this a very special occasion and he has my thanks. What an amazing achievement for this 10 year old! And that's not all he got to do. I submit this series of photos of Denver's convention adventure after the events with Stan Lee. Hey, we still had the weekend to work with!

Hanging out with Nightwing

It's Lego Deadpool!

Denver ran circles around us from this guy, but he was laughing so it was all good.

K-9 and the Tardis from DR WHO!

Also from DR WHO

Adventure time!

Awww, what a nice alien

More pictures will be posted today at my Facebook Page

Haters Gonna Hate, Time to Start Laughing

There are people out there who manage to consistently do one thing above all else when it comes to me. That's the fact that their antics completely blow my mind. They blow my mind because I can't believe they have time to come up with drivel and tripe about other people when they could be simply taking care of themselves. I guess I should be honored that I own so much of that person's brain and attention span, right?

Recently there have been some interesting accusations brought to my attention and I almost blew my iced tea right out my nose. Yeah, I laughed that hard.

Many of you out there are likely trying to build yourselves and make a good life for yourselves. You may be artists, writers, advocates, or any other thing really. What you need to know is that someone is always going to come along and try to take the wind out of your sails. Why do they feel the need? Who or what are you to them? Here's what you need to remember: these are unhappy people. They are jealous of every single thing that anyone else around them  does or succeeds at. They have nothing better to do than spread lies and drama and try to bring other people down. Instead of just living good and taking pride in their own achievements, they have to bring other people down.

Allow me to give you some recent examples but first: I am an advocate for autism education, a writer and illustrator. I have bridged these from time to time in order to show support for people with autism and to educate. Just because I have autism (and yes other medical conditions) doesn't mean I can't do anything.  The same goes for you. Anyway:

Accusation: Never diagnosed as autistic.   This is what made me spew tea today. I was diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome (explained as a high functioning form of autism and still accepted that way by every doctor I talk to today) right after my son was diagnosed. This person is someone that I have never met in person; doesn't live anywhere that I have lived; doesn't know any of my doctors; and has no access what-so-ever to any of my medical history as in the actual medical files. Hello, HIIPA anyone?  They weren't there as I was diagnosed. They witnessed me in real life. Most importantly this person is not a doctor. I think some far out imaginations are at work here. Maybe they dreamed that they talked to all my doctors and got certified copies of everything I was ever diagnosed with. Ah, but then they wake up. How does this person even get close to such a ridiculous leap (other than being a bold faced liar)? Well, here's the main excuse:

- has other medical conditions: Apparently there's a special law in the fabrics of reality that says you can only have one psychological medical condition. Well someone get me a lawyer! I want to sue the universe for not following it's own law! Well, while this seems to be a brand new surprise to my haters, medical science seems to have known about it for decades now. You can absolutely have more than one condition. There are scales of details and factors that go with it, but hey, I'm not the doctor here. You can have bipolar disorder, Asperger's, a TBI and MS all at the same time. I know this, because I live with it. Ah, but this person thinks that if I were seen by a doctor today I would lose the autism diagnosis. What Hater doesn't realize is that I've been under a doctors care (getting MRI's and such) for quite some time. Not only have I not lost any diagnosis but my doctors have no question about them and they have all my records. So that's that. I have been diagnosed officially every step of the way, end of story.

Accusation: Trying to use autism to sell to people:  Say wha? You know, while there are people out there who demand that you pay attention to what they do because of a medical condition, not everyone is like that. The only reason that I point out my autism or my son's with my work (as posted on my blogs) is because what I'm doing now is my way of overcoming my conditions. The message is meant to be that I am not sitting in a corner going "boo hoo, I have medical conditions and I'm helpless in life" rather just the opposite. I don't want anyone to say "well, he has autism so we better buy his books and art". I would hate that. I would prefer people buy what I have for the sake of what it is. Hater seems to think that everyone is affected the same way by autism and that's not true. There are a lot of people who are having a hard time in life who aren't sure if they can make it. My message is for them. Past that, I support autism education and I'm proud of that. I want what I do to always support autism and mental illness and education for it. For every person that I help to find answers or ease their suffering because of what I do... that's a great success to me. I have outright donated my work for free for just that purpose. So I have stuff for sale, big deal. Some of it is for sale for my own use anyway.

Accusation: Trying to use autism to publish books:  Now if I laugh any harder I'm going to have a migraine. But hold on, let me share something about this hater with you. This one has published several books on and through Amazon. I don't want to knock that because who knows, I might try that one day too. But here's the cold hard fact about self publishing through Amazon. Anyone can do it. I mean anyone! No agent, no editor, no acceptance process except maybe for age range, you just put your book on Amazon and make some selections for covers and stuff. Then BANG! you're published. From what I know this is the only way this person has ever published anything (not that it's a bad thing). I would prefer not to go the self publishing route myself but that's just me.  Now, if you go and start researching agents and consider sending them a query about your work, you might notice they want to know if you've been published. I can't tell you how many times I've seen the words "not on Amazon or internet self publishing". That's because anyone and their dog can publish this way with complete abandon. That's also not to say that there are no good authors on Amazon, I actually know of a couple who are pretty good. All that being said, back to the point of the accusation, the idea that I could sway any self respecting agent with "I have autism" is ludicrous at best. For that matter, it's just flat stupid. And yes, this hater likes to bash away at my work as well.

Special note: I have not read any of this writer's work, nor will I. And why should I? Would you feel like buying anything from someone who targets you like this? I wouldn't.

So, there you have it. Now, while I wrote this all out, I want you to know that I've done this for the good of the reader. Your haters don't deserve your time. They'll call you a fraud, smear you, tell lies, and you'll think they must sit up all night long hunched over books trying to dig for dirt and mud. They'll say you have not talent and try with all their might to belittle and degrade you. Don't let them. I think they've read too many tabloids and believe every word. Don't let them stop you. Don't let them become your demon that gets in the way of your goals. Here's a very important note:

You do not owe these people anything. You do not have to prove yourself to some hater who really doesn't know you close enough to be accurate about you in the first place. It doesn't matter if you are a writer, artist, or just an at home parent. It doesn't matter if you have a medical condition or not. If you are an advocate and trying to help others, then help them. You'll be ahead of the game while haters waste obsession on you instead of their own lives. These haters are laughable and don't deserve anything from you.

And one final chuckle. I was called an "avid reader" of one hater's blog. Hilarious. Just because you look at a page (legal documentation reasons) doesn't make you an "avid" anything.

Tickets bought for Denver to meet Stan Lee

This will be the greatest update ever. Not only did we surpass our goal, but we used that to go ahead and get his tickets for the convention, autograph, and photo for Stan Lee. All that's left to do is find a hotel room and reserve it.

I sold a big chunk of my HeroClix collection and added 200 bucks to the mix. With that I bought my wife's convention entry (because what was raised covered mine) and have 70 left over (estimated after hotel and gas) for food and a little fun at the con besides just standing in line to see Stan Lee.  So it does look like this will be a success.

Denver is still having a rocky time, but we are pulling all stops to make sure he gets the best help he can. Doctors, therapists, and a new school IEP are just the beginning.

The donation button will remain active until the week we go to the convention. So if anyone does want to chip in toward Denver's time at the convention you can. I have been given message that a couple of you fine people wanted to do that. Here is the LINK back to that blog post.

I am humbled and grateful beyond words for what you all have done for my son. Because of you, I will be able to give him one of those rare memories that can help shape a child forever.

You know, being a child with a disorder that affects how you interact with the world around you is not a cake walk. Growing up to be a functional adult is a major and tedious challenge. Issues like context, body language, and basic social skills get lost in a dizzying mix of sensory issues. Discipline issues are hard to understand without lots of practice and very clear information. You may be very intelligent, like my son, yet emotionally regressed or late in development. Not fun. Not a picnic. What's worse, you have a nagging sense that something is constantly wrong. I know I did as a child and my son has demonstrated that he gets the same feelings.

"Why can't I understand things right?"
"Why am I such a freak?"
"No one likes me."

All of those things come from social stumblings that cause confusion. Our kids have the challenge of learning past all that and becoming adults who can handle their conditions. To realize that seeing life from lateral views that break context can be a gift as much as a curse. Once you understand it and learn those extra social skills, it becomes a gift.

"Not only do I see what you are saying, but I see another route you may not have thought of."

That's an example of turning that lateral view into that gift. No, not everyone will be able to do that, but it's the best goal you can hope for. That's my opinion any way.

Having my son meet a man who proves this creative lateral way of being (along with being my son's celebrity hero), well, how do you do better than that for a real life example?

GenCon 2004 Child's costume winner!

So I thank you good people, I thank you all. Thank you for sharing. Thank you for praying. Thank you for donating. Thank you for just hoping. May you all be blessed.

A Question for you fearless parents out there on Autism in school

Today we are discussing my son's grades and I would like you fearless parents to chime in and tell me what you think! Pass this around and share it. The more input the better.

As many of you know, my son was recently in the hospital for a week because of suffering psychosis that made him hallucinate and hurt himself. It made him rage at everyone around him and I say "suffering" because I mean it. He also hated himself for it. He blamed himself for it. He didn't understand what was happening to him.

Now there's still plenty he know he could have accomplished if he put himself to it, but it was random when he did.

All that being said, we have rules about bringing home an F. There still must be consequences for consistency. The main area of consequence that seems to hit home is losing his DS, and computer games. He is obsessed with his DS to the point that he incorporates video game play into everything he does. A common autistic trait, actually. And he doesn't go completely out of control without his DS. At this point he seems to want to do what's right to earn it back.

Here are his grades:

Conduct: F
Reading: B
English: F (this is the class where most of his rage seems to come out but is slowing down now)
Spelling: B
Writing: Unsatisfactory (not because of difficulties but raging and refusing to even try)
Math: D
Social Studies: A
Science: C

We know he can do this.

So here's the rub.

The current vote is that he loses his DS until his next report card. He has to show us that his grades are improving and are no longer Fs or Ds. That's 6 weeks. I wouldn't have too much problem with that if it weren't for the fact that he had to be hospitalized.

So I have two counter ideas and want honest input (no put downs please!):

A: Cut the punishment down to 2 weeks flat.

B: Use his conduct grade. We get review of his conduct grade once a week. I could hold back his DS until his conduct grade shows up at least a B. That alone could take three weeks, but would give him something shorter term to aim at.

I have nothing against disciplining my child, I just don't want to use a wrecking ball to drive a nail. I will also say that it is easier said than done. So what are your thoughts my friends? Please chime in and share!

An open message to Stan Lee

Dear Sir,

You know heroes better than anyone in the business, but you don't know this one and I would really like you to.

Denver Justice Wilde was named after the best man and brother I ever knew who was tragically murdered in 1991. So, right from this little man's name, you know he's something special.

DJW was born 3 months premature, and still came out with full lungs and screaming to life. From the very start he was overcoming hurdles. He also had mild hydrocephalus that he grew out of on his own.

As a toddler he developed fits that could not be calmed and started hitting his head nonstop. We didn't know what we were dealing with then but it troubled him. He even asked me one day when I was intervening on one of his episodes, tearfully; "Daddy, why can't I stop?"  He had to wear a helmet for a year while we got meds adjusted to help him stop hurting himself.

At 3 years old he was diagnosed with autism.

At 3 years old he was also making up his own superheroes. There were two of them; Skunk Boy and Diamond Crystal Robot. He even made his own Halloween costume for Diamond Crystal Robot out of cardboard and later out of other costume pieces.

Also from 3 years on up, he developed an uncanny ability to build things out of cardboard. He would make entire cities from cardboard boxes and other pieces he scavenged from us. He had no fear of going up to some clerk in a shop to ask if they had any cardboard boxes for him.

Not uncommon in autism, he didn't potty train until he was 5 and attending Kindergarten. For all our efforts, he finally just overcame his fears on his own. Another hurdle beaten.

He proved he could be in a mainstream classroom too, after we moved from Lincoln NE. to Sheboygan, WI.

In 1st grade his teacher told me that he couldn't learn the material. By the end of the year he proved her wrong.

At the end of  2nd grade he did similar though his teacher already knew there were special things going on with Denver. By the end of the year he taught them something new.

Not long after we moved to Sheboygan, Denver had a lesson in death. His name was Zach and we considered him family. He was killed in a car accident at 19 years old.

Also, before he went into 2nd grade, he went through the divorce of his parents. During his 2nd grade year his Grandmother died on his Mothers side of the family and then his Grandfather died on my side of the family.

It took a lot of support and we (myself, his dr and school staff) were ready to support him. He always seemed to bounce back. For such a little guy, he's been through a lot.

In 4th grade he did so well that he earned an award for keeping a B average through the year. He was also invited to the school spelling bee for being amongst the top three spellers in his class and the top ten for his whole grade.

Now, he's going through a hard time. He's unhappy with himself and we are scrambling and struggling to help him. He gets angry, then he gets angry with himself for his own mistakes. He's hurt himself and had to be in the hospital to readjust his medication. He's still struggling and down on himself. We're applying everything we know and can research in techniques to help him. This can happen when a child is trying to learn how to cope with mental disorders. He feels like a freak (his own words) and we know  he's not.

Now there's an opportunity, a very rare opportunity. In November it may just be possible to have him meet one of his celebrity heroes. Hist topmost celebrity hero next to Matt Smith from Doctor Who. He could meet you at the New Orleans Comicon, just a few hours drive from here in Monroe. If I could get him to meet you, I know it could be the morale boost of a lifetime for this 10 year old.

If I could get him to meet you, get a photograph and maybe a signed book to frame and put on his wall. He would have the memory of a lifetime. I could show him that awesome things can and will happen if you put your mind to them.

And I also want to say that this is totally about him. I'm not coming to pitch my universe, artwork or writing. I'm coming for my son. Nothing else. If all I can do is maybe get you to shake his hand, I know what the impact could be. It could alter his course or at least really help with that.

And I'm willing to lean on my cane (the docs think I have MS) and stand in that line just like everyone else. But you are more than welcome to step out of your way if you want to. But I'm not asking you too. I just want you to know him. I hope that when you see his little face, you might remember him. Because having you say "Hi Denver" as he walks up would really, really blow him away!

My son doesn't know that I'm setting aside dignity to ask for donations for the trip on the internet. He doesn't know that I'm selling a chunk of my collection of HeroClix on Ebay for this specific cause (but he does know I'm selling). He doesn't know how much I'm putting into this.

Some said I should tell you why this would be beneficial to you. My answer to that is a question. When would helping a child (event with just a handshake) not be beneficial to anyone?

So maybe, if you see this, you'll know my little hero and the challenges he faces. I truly hope so.

I have great respect for you in even reading this. I do hope that we will make it. Thank you for your time and hope that all things are going well for you.

Sincerely,
David J Wilde