Even I can stumble in autism parenting

My kiddo when he was doing homework

Raising a child with autism is a series of challenges. Parents get flustered and we are no exception. Yes, I've been an advocate for education on autism but that doesn't make me more than human or immune to stress and frustration.

It's easier to give advice on someone else's child because you can almost do it with a clearer head and a different point of view. But that's why we have a community isn't it? So let me bring up to date.

Last week my son was grounded from his DS games for three days because of lying. He accepted that up front but got up in the middle of the night and stole his DS back from our bedroom. For that, he lost it until the 1st of July (with a vacation right around the corner). I warned him if he did that again, he couldn't take his DS on vacation. We spent the day talking about it and doing what is right. That very night, he stole it again.

I hid the DS in a new place that truly confounded him. We woke up at 2 am with him in our closet looking for it.

To stop that behavior we removed the DS from the house, but a new situation came up. It was 10:30 or so at night and we were in the opposite end of the house watching television when I got a phone call. It was the stepfather of one of my son's friends (not keep in mind my son's 10 years old). My son was standing in his friend's driveway on the opposite side of the block from us. I couldn't believe it. I went straight to his room and sure enough, he wasn't there. He had climbed out his bedroom window and left. We didn't hear a thing and no one saw anything either. I went and picked him up.

How did he manage a window with a six foot drop? His bed was how he reached the window and pushed out the screen. My mountain bike was parked under the outside of the window and that's how he got down. He was lucky, way too lucky to describe. The following morning we went into protocol mode. Call the therapists office and report to his psych dr, get his counselor and a police officer to come over and talk to him about how dangerous it was for a child in his pajamas to run off at night.

He hasn't run off again, but he's still getting up at night and getting into mischief. He snuck his laptop into his room and has gotten candy. The candy is no big deal but we are worried for his safety so there are rounds of us playing guard duty. His bedroom has been completely rearranged so there's no more reaching that window. I need to be taking his shoes and sandals at night. And I've set up a table in the living room so I can be right in sight of him while working at my computer instead of being in the office.

We've already received lots of wonderful advice. Good friend Neil from facebook suggested that his DS may have become his special interest and therefore as powerful as a stim behavior for him. Taking it away makes him too unbalanced. I missed that thought and thank Neil for pointing it out. So a new schedule is under way. He's saying he needs more of us. He's not throwing violent tantrums or anything like that.

But even an advocate can get flustered and need advice. No one is perfect.

Sensory issues and autism, proprioception

If know anything about the five senses you will know of sight, smell, taste, touch and hearing. Those are the basics and what we know of on the surface. But how much are we really affected?

In autism, some senses are turned up too high and thus are too intense at times to endure. Others are turned down too low and may endanger the person affected. For example, pain sensory too low can affect reasoning on dangerous situations.

Before I get to that really cool word up there, let me touch on the basics for a recap of how they can affect us.

Sight: Sensitivity to lights (including flashing ones) and brightness are commonplace. Flashing lights or too many fast moving objects in the area can also cause too much stimulation. If something moves close to the face goes past fast it can cause flinching. Some may get stimulation they like. My son flies toys past his eyes all the time for "movie-like" effects close up. Too many moving objects like bodies in a crowd or a thousand tennis balls being dropped at once can cause the eyes to try and focus in several places as once. As you can imagine that doesn't work out well. It's a natural tendency of the autistic brain to lack filters for several or certain senses causing an intake overload.

Hearing: I've mentioned before how painful high pitched noises can be. I don't just mean aggravating with chills up the spine. I mean you may as well have plunged a fistfull of hypodermic needles into my ears. But this can go the other way too. Some of us like a sound so much that we'll over use it. Some kids like the sound of their own voice at various pitches and will make all sorts of cooing and varied noises just to hear themselves. Again, multiple noises can short circuit a person with too much stimulation. The ears and the sensory intake may lack the ability to sort multiple sounds at times.

Touch: I've seen few sensory stimulations work on autistics like the sense of touch. Textures and temperatures work together to either provide a calm or repellent effect. A heightened sense of touch can make something as menial as bumps on a wall an object of fascination. It can also make a seam in clothing completely unbearable.

Smell: Odors can thrill or gag a person. Too high of sensory can make even a pleasant smell impossible to tolerate. Too low and you may not realize your dinner is burning.

Taste: There are three senses that work in the mouth at once and they make taste what it is. Smell and touch work with taste for a multi-sensory experience. This makes for picky eaters and even eating disorders. As it is, digestion in the mouth changes the taste and textures of some foods and can affect just how much it's tolerated.

Now for how they all work with that word; proprioception. Our proprioceptive sense are how our body and other senses work with the work around us and out internal being. So we can break it down to two ways this works; internally and externally.

Internal examples would be the feeling of a full stomach, muscle cramps, the need to go to the bathroom, and anything else our internal organs need to tell us. Yes, those are part of our senses and they can be affected by autism. This is why something as simple as mild hunger can be totally intolerable to some autistics.

External examples are spatial. Spatial senses tell us where our arms and legs are as we move around. If those senses are not working properly, you get someone like me. I hit my arms, hands, knees and feet on doorways and walls. I overshoot when reaching for doorknobs and jam my fingers. Spatial sense is important. Your sense of balance also works into this and bridges the gap from internal to external.

You know that feeling you get when dropping through the air suddenly? That's a proprioceptive sense. Kids who enjoy that feeling may jump off of things a lot.

The feeling of having lots of pressure on your body from blankets (as many autistics seem to like with weighted blankets) is a proprioceptive sense.

This is why understanding of sensory can be such a distinct key to understanding your child or family member who as ASD at any degree. I've found that sensory response is usually the first thing to check when it comes to the behaviors or reactions of any person with autism. It's amazing to think how some things most take for granted can have such a profound (or lack of) effect.

I hope this gives you a deeper insight to sensory disorders.

Autistic children and idle hands

Recently, this weekend, my son got up and took very good care of himself without waking us. He got dressed, made himself a toaster waffle (with peanut butter), and then played in his room until we woke up. We thought it was a very "big boy" way of handling himself and we told him so. Just to be clear, my son can wake up very early; far earlier than anyone wants to get up on a weekend. Six A.M. anyone?

We had a great day as well and felt very good about the grown up things he did. The feeling took a nose dive the very next day (this morning).

First, let me take you back to his toddler days. In those days, we had to be very sure we got up before he did or our home would be ransacked. Everything would be pulled out of the refrigerator and dumped on the kitchen floor. Yes EVERYTHING. If he could get to flour and sugar (and the little master climber definitely could) it would join the contents of the fridge. If his pull up/diaper had any contents he would smear them on the walls. We would find him nude and often in the midst of any mess. He would also set our caged pets free (rats at the time). We've found him in many interesting places. Sitting in the rats aquarium or on top of the fridge were just a couple of the more surprising ones. Toddlers will do these things if they are exploring on their own, but it takes an autistic toddler to defy reason or science. When was the last time you found your 2 and half year old on top of your six foot fridge? I rest my case.

Today, we see lapses that seem to take him back to the decisions of his toddler days. No smearing, thank heavens, but bad choices for a 9 year old. Today he decided to sneak desserts for breakfast. Yeah, that's normal kid stuff really. It's when he decided to saw marks on the kitchen cabinets with a steak knife that pinched it for us. This prompted a long talk about knives and what he already knew about them. He did, in his toddler days, play with a knife and cut holes in our bed sheets. I've taught him all about how to stay away from sharp knives and how they are to be respected.

And how did we find out about all this? He gives himself away, believing he will be caught, he spills the beans. He says, "oh I hate myself for what I did" but we don't allow that either.

I know this morning wasn't anywhere near as bad as his toddler days. What I'm looking at (and discussed with him) is the fact that he needs extra supervision and we can't allow ourselves to forget that. I want him to be the big boy who can make his own breakfast, but maybe he's not totally ready for that. I know this is a common point for our spectrum kids. They're just behind a ways really. I look forward to seeing him catch up.

Back to School for 2011

So far, I think I have been blessed in the schools that my son has attended. I have consistently found understanding faculty who are at least halfway knowledgeable on Asperger's and autism. I'm sure there will be points in getting to know my son, but we have always been able to deal with that.

This is an important time. For many of us, school starts sometime in the next month. It's time to be thinking about how to be active parents in our children's school lives. I have a few tips that you may find helpful.

1: Make sure IEP's are up to date and check with the school on it a new meeting is needed. Sometimes they don't need one or have a time scheduled based on the last time you had a meeting. Double check on it. Have information from the last IEP ready if you kept it from last year. If you didn't keep it, you should have. Make that a new habit. Keep a file folder for your child's education information.

2: Meet the new teacher and see the new classroom. Let the new teacher know that you are readily available for any questions or needs regarding your child. Exchange emails, most teachers have them now. If your child will be spending time with a special education teacher of any kind, meet him/her too.

3: Get needed school supplies. That's a no-brainer, but some of our students need special supplies. Those are better found sooner than later.

4: Being an active parent means that you are readily available for anything. It means that you are involved and open in communications with the school staff. It means you ask questions and want to know how you can help and where. You don't have to join the PTA or volunteer all over, just be involved where your child is concerned. Be ready to help with behavior issues or questions that help staff get to know your child.

5: Know how to communicate. Asking what you can do to help is way better than demands of the staff to "do their jobs". Demands have their place and are best used when all other approach has been exhausted. Don't start out the school year with demands or veiled legal threats. Be pleasant and polite instead. It will get you much further faster.

Things that staff need to know:

1: Triggers: What affects your child and how it affects them. Will a fire alarm incite hysterics? If so, they need to know this ahead of time. Do they have a problem with being touched? Let the faculty know. Let them know the risks involved too. If your child is high risk for self injury, for example, schools need to know. They especially need to know what causes those reactions. They can't cover everything, but knowledge is power.

2: Medications: They especially need to know if there has been a change to meds and what to watch out for. If there are any concerns with a new medication that could have any affect on the classroom, make sure you communicate it.

3: Quirks and stims: These can be some of the most eyebrow lifting moments in a classroom. What the heck is Joe doing and why? Quirks and stims are nearly limitless in what they can involve. They can be surprising and sometimes disturbing. Understanding them is a great step toward helping a child in a classroom environment. Also, forewarned is truly forearmed.

Remember, you don't want them to re-create the education system. You just want to help them work with your child. You just want to be a part of his or her educational team.

If you are at a school that won't do this, that is a different story.

Defiance and Respect in Autism Youth

This blog is dedicated to a question from Kimberly, who asked: "My teen who has Autism is overly dramatic and has a hard time with accepting no as an answer is this typical or is mine just out of control?"

First of all, it's likely a lot more typical than you realize. From age 9 where puberty starts kicking in, through the teen years, you are seeing a mixture of the autism and hormones. This can make your standard teen drama and angst look like a trip to Disneyland.

You can expect over-reactions to most things as well as snippy attitudes and excessive, "my parents don't know anything" attitude.

This is a LINK I posted on my Facebook profile recently. Scroll down and check out the advice given for a 9 year old (that's how old my son is too).

For a teen, I would suggest pretty much the same approach. Pick your battles. When given a consequence he's going to tell you off. Ignore it. Yes it's disrespectful, but the more you give it the time of day, the more you help create the power struggle. I've learned this the hard way. Since then, I've taken parenting classes at Boys Town (I think you can order their tapes, they were very helpful to me) and joined a parenting support group. Maybe there's one in your area?

Another thing to remember, is that our autism kids are delayed in emotional development significantly to a varied point of years. Add that to all those teen hormones and, well, you read what I said above.

Here are a couple other links with advice on dealing with autistic teens:

Conduct Disorders Website: Scroll down in the answers for what people had to say after you check out the lady's problems with her teen son.

Autisable website: An interesting blog article on parenting the autistic teen.

I like the idea of meeting an outburst with uncomfortable silence and a blank stare. My 9 year old has the tendency to tell me, just like the one teen boy, that I will not exercise what ever consequence I just informed him of. It happens anyway, without another word. If he throws a fit and breaks his toys, they are gone for good. Anything he throws that doesn't break is lost to him for several days. Currently it's 3 and that seems to annoy him down the line. He wants it eventually and I shake my head and tell him: "I can't give it to you because you threw it in a tantrum. You will get it back on Friday (or whatever day is 3 out)." This makes it appear a rule I also have to follow. It shows that rules are followed by everyone and actions have consequences.

Our kids need tons and tons of practice and there is no overnight solution. Just know that you are not alone in your struggles with your autistic teen.

Could Asperger's kids fake behaviors?

It's important to remember that our children with Asperger's are just that, children. They will grow and learn a variety of behaviors just like any other children will. What can start to get difficult is keeping track of an Asperger's behavior and a "naughty child" behavior. It appears there can be a thin gray line.

So, how do you know when you are dealing with an "aspie" behavior or some "faked" behavior to get away with something?

The first thing is to know your child and how they react. Children with Asperger's are often honest to a fault. At times when my son thought it was funny to try and irritate me, he came right out and said so. It was his honest feeling that such was a funny thing to try and do. That stands as a direct example of how they can get inappropriate social ideas that can and will get them into trouble.

When my son tries to get out of something, he makes up terrible excuses that he believes will get him out of what ever situation he's trying to escape. He will claim that something is "too much" for him, but his reactions will give him away. I know his behaviors and the difference between the excuses and actually getting out of hand.

The bottom line is that we, as parents, stick to our proverbial guns in what we expect. It may take more time and patience, but we set the rules and stick by them. Discipline will not always work in the method of "justice like lightning" and they may require a warning shot first to remind them of where they need to be in behavior. That means that they are informed of what they are doing wrong and given a chance to correct it with consequences fully stated. Information does need to be clear and direct. Also, don't state a consequence you don't intend to deliver.

Finally, our children on the spectrum have to know that just because they have a condition, does not mean they are immune to rules that everyone else has to follow. It's a tricky path, but our kids count on use to teach them so that they have a chance out in the adult world when they get there.

Behavior breakthroughs

When your spectrum child has a breakthrough with anywhere in their behaviors, do you praise them? You should. Let me tell you about a breakthrough in my son's behaviors. Panic in unsecured situations is fairly normal for any child. On the spectrum, it takes more to get used to odd situations than for a typical child.

When we left for a Christmas vacation in Louisiana, to spend time with my girlfriend's family, we took off early in the morning. Snow blew heavily and we dealt with treacherous roads to get out of town. We didn't make it out of town for that matter. Ten minutes into our drive we slid into a ditch between and exit road and the highway. We had to be towed out. My son felt panic, naturally and had to be constantly reassured that we would be pulled out by the towtruck we called. We were safely pulled out and on our way with no further incident. The trip was a great success and lots of fun.

A couple weeks ago, we were driving my beat up little Geo Tracker from Oshkosh to Sheboygan. The engine rattled and got quite noisy. Smoke billowed from the rear. We were in trouble and it was dark out. I knew the engine was going, but I had to push it as far as I could. We couldn't be stranded in the cold and the dark. I was sure that Denver would panic and be afraid of trips or something.

Instead, he looked up from his DS he played and said in a matter of fact tone: "Uh oh, we might need a towtruck, Dad." No panic at all.

As luck, fate or Guardian Angel might have it, we managed to get just into the parking lot of a convenience store before we rolled to a stop. We had even coasted with no engine power at all for the last eighty yards or so. My son was able to sit indoors in safety, at a table to play his DS while we waited for the towtruck and my girlfriend to rescue us. I commended my son for his fine handling of himself because he really did do a good job with the situation. Often, situations that are out of our control are our greatest challenges. He did a great job, and I'm very proud of him.

Our high functioning kids (especially them), do have the capability to learn and grow. Watching for those milestones can be uplifting and should be commended.

The effects of restraint

As I've been writing my support blogs, I've found some areas get repeated. Those are often worth repeating and additional insight. They're worth keeping up front in our minds as reminders of their importance. Kind of like bullying or Halloween safety. Today it's about the use of restraint in meltdowns or other behavior.

First, I want to remind everyone that the proper use of restraint is more than just how a child is held or how restraint is used safely. It's also about when restraint even should be used. Restraint is a last resort only for physical protection of the child and others around him or her. The importance of this cannot be emphasized enough. The first line of defense or action should always, always, always be verbal. That's not taking extremes into account, but may prevent extremes from becoming the norm in a child.

Behaviors that do NOT require restraint would include; breaking a pencil, ripping a piece of paper, stomping feet or being verbally defiant. For that matter general defiance should never be responded to with restraint. Restraint must never become a disciplinary tool. That defeats it's purpose, which is only to protect.

Behaviors that should involve restraint are; head hitting, attempting to stab self or others with a pencil, flailing fits that could harm others or the child, violence that is a direct and fully recognizable threat. Not just tossing a book across the room either.

A singular act of defiance, like throwing a book or pencil, is not an action where restraint is required. If they start throwing everything, which makes it a repetitive action that doesn't stop with verbal or softer approach, that could be a restraint worthy situation.

I want to touch base on an important effect of restraint and it's a significant drawback, even to proper use. One effect I've found in research and reading is that restraint always makes the situation worse before it gets better. Why is that? I think you will find that most of our children on the spectrum are very sensitive to their personal space and anything that touches them. Things that touch or invade space without consent or by surprise can get some interesting and negative reactions. The action of being restrained, not only invades personal space, but adds to already overloaded sensory issues.

This isn't to say, "don't ever restrain", rather to keep this effect in mind if you are going to apply restraint to a situation. The child in the situation will feel worse and act out more before they calm down. That is a natural reaction to such intense sensory trauma. Yes, I said "trauma". Too much restraint, or misuse of restraint can be severely traumatizing. Sensory overload is already like that by itself. Sensory overload and stress overload are like your senses having a seizure event. Have you ever known anyone to have a non-traumatic seizure?

Because of this, the after effect is generally an exhausted person or child. It takes a lot out of you to have your body whip into high gear and hold like that for any amount to time, especially several minutes to as long as 45 minutes. Just 3-5 minutes feels like an eternity. I haven't seen a child go through a 45 minute meltdown, but I've heard of it. I can only imagine that child being out of action for the rest of the day.

So restraint, at first, will momentarily increase all effects of what the child is suffering that makes restraint necessary in the first place.

Now consider what it's like to anticipate being restrained. How would you feel, if you went into class with the conscious thought that you may be held down on the floor today? How would you feel if that was your thought every day? How would you fare if you already had an emotional disorder and that was stressing you out every day? That can be the effect of improper restraint and restraint used as a punishment. That added stress, makes it more difficult for a child to "behave" than without. That child already has a stressor in place that they cannot control and pushes them towards their personal limits of daily stress. This is more than simply learning to behave because of consequences of our actions. This is in excess of anything normal.

When my son throws a toy, I take it away. That's a natural consequence. I do not pin him to the floor. That would not be a natural consequence. Not anywhere in life.

My son has, years ago, had fits where he would bite himself or head bang. In those instances, where verbal failed to redirect him, I did scoop him up and hold him to stop it. He would escalate because that was the natural body reaction, but then, in time, calm down. I still remember the time around being 3 when he looked up at me and wanted to know why he couldn't stop. He recognized there was a problem, even at 3. Kids know and remember. We would do well to remember that ourselves.

Dealing with frustration and emotions

Emotions can be intense issues for those on the spectrum. Just because we don't always show emotions doesn't mean we don't have to cope with them. High stress emotions are the hardest, especially if dealing with breaks in routine or unexpected events.

Frustrations need early coaching and support work. Learning how to stop and take a few deep breaths and think about our next actions can be a challenge.

For example, a child is playing with toys but time for the school bus is coming up in fifteen minutes. Even forewarning can trigger a negative response. When that happens with my son, what ever he throws a fit over gets put away immediately. With some things, if he's cooperative, it can stay out until he gets home from school. He knows this and most days it works well with him.

Mostly the trigger is that change in events and interruption to what he's currently doing. It means switching tracks and that takes daily practice. I have been known to interrupt what he's doing in checking on him, just to give him that practice. It's going to happen a lot in life, especially at school or later in life in jobs and social interaction.

Recognizing when an emotion is overpowering is important too. It's okay to take a break and remove yourself from a situation when feeling overwhelmed. I employ this practice with my son as well. Signs that he is overwhelmed and needs a break are things like swinging his fist, hitting furniture, throwing a toy, shrieking, or clawing/biting himself.

I discuss with him that when he feels the impulse to do these things is when to take a break or stop and take a few deep breaths before doing anything else. He knows that it's not okay to hurt himself and that throwing things or swinging his fist could hurt someone else. Even so, this takes lots and lots of practice. There is no fast fix for these feelings or behaviors. Even with medications, my son still needs this practice. It is the coming years and crucial areas of school like Jr High, that I hope for this practice to pay off. Other support areas will be less for him at that time. So it's important to have behavioral practices in now.

Autism meltdown preparation

If you have a child with autism you may know this feeling. The feeling of anxiety over going to public places for fear of a meltdown or erratic behaviors from your child. Behaviors that others just don't understand. But since we know that meltdowns are going to happen, can't we plan for them?

What I'm suggesting is a safety protocol or plan of action to help you deal with meltdowns either before they can happen, or during.

With very small children you can bundle them up and whisk them out of the way in order to deal with a fit. It's fairly common practice. Larger children aren't so easy to pluck up and walk off with.

Mind you, this is not to assume this will work with every autistic child. It's likely to be more effective with the higher functioning children. So results may vary.

First, if your child is communicative with you, work on establishing an understanding of how they feel. Make sure they know they can tell you when they are starting to feel overwhelmed. The drawback is that you mustn't let this become a catch all for your child to get out of things that you simply have to get done. Appropriate behavior is still expected. You're going to have to be a little bit of a sleuth to figure out what actually triggers sensory overloads in your child. So we aren't talking about a fit because they wanted a toy, that's a different matter.

Practice keeping an eye out for places you can retreat to for a cool down period. This could be a bench or a side hall. Maybe even outside. Ideally it should be away from the main bulk of any crowd and somewhat secure. In a severe pinch, a privatized public restroom can work. That means you can lock the door for one person use. (Be aware that lots of noise from such a place will bring authorities) Use these areas as a place to calm down and gauge whether or not you simply need to leave. Practice clear communication, not only in your expectations, but in them telling you how they feel.

Look for signs of meltdown. This is likely going to be one of the hardest things to do. With many of our kids, almost anything could set them off because they have difficulty processing the world around them. Look for signs of frustration that don't make sense to given situations. This could be in jerking motions, stalling, starting to raise voice, sudden wavering in voice etc. It will take practice but can be done with diligence.

Also, before going out anywhere, discuss what to do when upset with your child. They need skills to use in order to help themselves calm down and refocus. Again, not going to work with all of them and will take extra practice with most. For some, just sitting quietly will work. For others, it's been suggested to sit, put their arms around themselves in a hugging form, close their eyes and take long deep breaths. It can work, but all you can do is try. For our kids on the spectrum, isn't just about anything worth a try?

Restraint and Seclusion in our schools

All is peaceful as the 2nd grade student works on his spelling words along with the class. In the blink of an eye, something agitates him. He gets frustrated over something that others can only guess at and instantly shreds his spelling paper. His aide and teacher move swiftly and the child finds himself with arms held down in place, restrained against his desk. No one will let go of him until the thrashing and struggle cease. Unfortunately, while restraint has its place, this is not a scenario that restraint was required in.

The proper use of restraint seems to have gotten lost over the years since introduced as a solution in public schools decades ago. It’s getting used for infractions of behavior more as a punishment than a safety protocol. The proper use of restraint is for a child who endangers himself or someone else beyond the scope of being redirected from behavior. Consider my scenario again and ask yourself; who was in danger? Who was being hurt? A piece of paper, that’s all. At this point, it is time to attempt redirection of the child’s behavior and attention. Should that fail, and the child turns destructive behavior to self harm or goes for another student, then restraint may be necessary.

Seclusion is the next issue that’s causing problems. Consider this, therapists tell us that time out should only be used for a period of about a minute per child’s age. They’ll even tell you that a child with shortened attention span will have to be adjusted in shorter increments of time. How is it then, that our schools are locking children in “seclusion rooms” for 30 minutes and more? Some for more than an hour! Just to get started, that’s about 3x the amount that we are taught, isn’t it? As if that weren’t bad enough, seclusion areas could be anything from a blank concrete room to a janitor’s closet! Another thing that “time out” is not supposed to be is intimidating or frightening. Think about it.

So why have our schools gone to such extreme measures? I think they simply don’t know what to do with these kids and what ever conditions they may be living under. That’s why they need additional education. Let’s face it, the number of children who have autism, ADHD, or any other condition, isn’t dropping. In fact, it’s increasing by leaps and bounds. It’s creating a shift in the kinds of students that teachers are doing to find in their classrooms. This calls for the system to adapt to the changing needs of the students.

When it comes to restraint, we need to set a guideline for it’s use and train our educational staff in proper application. When considering the child’s needs what do we know about them? What is their medical condition and how does it affect them? There’s no need to be perfectly knowledgeable, but knowing the basics certainly can’t hurt. Here’s an important consideration; can the child in question be redirected from behavior? If so, there should be no need for restraint. If the child has fits that cannot be consoled or redirected, and they become dangerous to themselves or others, then safe and appropriate restraint should be used. But what does restraint really do to a child? In my next posting, I’ll be addressing just that.

Chew your food!

My son has become a pocket gopher. I'm already wrought with worry because he's underweight and we need to get some pounds on him. He's not an overly picky eater, but he's developed a serious habit. He stores food in his cheeks and not just a little of it.

When his dish is empty he shows it to me with pride and I commend him. Then it's off to play. But not so fast. I have to make him sit back down and finish the bulging mouthful he has. On a couple of occasions I have found him playing with his toys 15-30 minutes later with a golf ball sized bulge on the side of his face. He never finished that last bite.

So what is he doing? Storing it as a snack for later? I asked him about this, curious to his logic. Well, asking him only upset him. He doesn't know why he does it, he just does it. He also doesn't like talking about how he feels. So all I can do really is just make him sit at the table until his mouth is as empty as his plate.

Past that, we may never know completely why our children on the autism spectrum do everything that they do. Most of it has to do with sensory of some type. Maybe it just feels good to have something stuffed in his cheek? Needless to say, our kids can come up with some strange habits. If you don't wind up scratching your head in wonder at some things your child does, well, you're likely not paying enough attention.