How did I get here?

At times I find myself reflecting on what I survived and how I got here. Memories don't like to stay away, but then sometimes it's important to remember. It's important to remember that I survived this long for a reason. Bigger and badder events have tried to take me down. They failed. Why should current events be any different?

Not that anything really bad is happening right now. I've had a few difficulties in recent days and struggling with MS has been nothing less than frustrating.

Yesterday I wanted to bag up some of the leaves that have been in my yard for months. I managed to pull off a bag and a half before nearly reaching collapse stage. I was furious; mostly at myself. How weak it seems that I can't bag some stupid leaves. Yes, they were wet and rotting, therefore heavier. Yes, it was 84 degrees outside and MS hates heat. But still, I wanted the work done. I still want the work done. Oh, I did also use the push mower to do the front yard (by push I mean no engine) which is a staircase of tree roots. I probably should have stopped there.

I remembered that I used to be a soldier. I used to do 50 pushups at a time. I can do 20 now, but it wipes me out for hours. I went to basic training in South Carolina where we marched in 90+ degree heat. Now I can hardly tolerate just standing in 90 degree heat.

But I'm still breathing and functioning. I'm still doing a lot of things that defy the odds. I've lived my life doing this. I've been put down and kicked while down and still got back up. So maybe I need a check list that reminds me?

Abusive alcoholic/drug addict stepmother: Survived.
Severe and violent bullying through school years: Survived
Run away from home and become a street urchin child: Survived
30 years of chaos and loss because I didn't know I had Asperger's: Survived

All that and managed to stay away from drugs, alcohol and crime. So I have a lot to be thankful and for and a lot that didn't take me down in the first place.

I know I can only hold back MS so much. I know I can only keep doing my artwork for so long. I just need to remember how I got here and what's important today. Bit by bit and piece by piece is how I have to do things. That's just the reality of it.

So maybe sometimes, the musings over the past can reflect on the present. It all depends on how I utilize those memories. Or something like that.

How Multiple Sclerosis affects my artwork

Recently a very cool friend of mine received the honor of an article in the Daily Light paper about how MS affected his music and ability to play. You can check it out HERE. I am so proud of my friend, Chris and all he's accomplished on explaining MS to people and raising awareness. It's an inspiration to me.

Now I'd like to share an online quote directed at me some time back.

"I don't think your condition is an excuse for bad artwork."

As many of you know, I'm the creator/writer/artist for my own universe of characters called, Galaxy Zento. To suggest my artwork is perfect would be a lie. I'm not perfect and I do my best with what I have left. The person who made that comment had no idea what they were talking about. So let me explain what it takes for an artist to put out awesome artwork.

Knowledge of form, good hand eye coordination and cognitive ability to transfer and translate from mind to paper. Seems simple right? Now lets look at that MS does to a person.

It destroys your freaking nerves. So hand coordination is shaky at best. If you look close enough at my work, you will notice that all my lines are wavy. All of them. Circle? Wavy circle. Oval? Wavy oval. Arms? Musculature? All with little waves everywhere. I can correct some on digital but even there I have to do what my messed up system allows if I ever want anyone to see it (this year).

Cognitive function is a mess. It's like trying to strain your thoughts through a colander or sifting mechanism and then make sense of the resulting mess. What I try to see in my mind and translate, is a fog. So I'm literally making up details as I go. Sometimes I can see it in my head really well. Other times, I can't see my character's faces. Try to figure THAT out. I get basic forms and basic shapes, then I have to muddle my through to make them work.

Now I tell myself that I simply have to own my own style and never give up. But it's not always that easy. There's so much of the story to tell and I don't know how much time I have to tell it. I'm racing against a clock of unknown time. It's headed for a point that I won't be able to draw a stick figure.

If you follow the link about and go through the albums, you can see differences in the pictures that show days that my poor head wasn't quite up to the job at hand. Sometimes I come up with good looking stuff, sometimes I don't and I have a lot of  trouble fixing it.

"Just find an artist." I do have someone on board, but please don't say this to me. I don't have up front funds and it dismisses the fact that this is a huge piece of myself that's fading decades before it should.

So, as you view the artwork of Galaxy Zento, know that every success is dedicated to others like myself (especially youth). Someday, I may have artists who put in because they believe in my reasons and can fall in love with the characters, but until then (and even after) I will continue this fight.

Making Changes

Hello, my friends. I am making some changes to my blog and you may notice this in the coming months. I have deleted some negative entries that really don't help anyone so that the more helpful entries are easier to find. I will likely still be deleting a few more that don't need to be here, but in any case I will also be slowing down on my autism blogging.

I will also stand for autism education and try to find subjects that help with that from time to time. I don't know how often that will be, but I will certainly try.

So why the change? I am pursuing something in my life that has been put all but on hold. I invite you all to follow along in the new blog titled Galaxy Zento. It's my fantasy universe I have had since I was a kid. I want to do more on my fiction writing and that requires time management.

So, I'm not quitting this blog, just rearranging my time in writing. What that will eventually do to his blog in the future, I cannot say. It will remain online however, even if not active. As always, I welcome new readers and would love to have you add me on Facebook or become a fan of my new work. If you like heroes and villains and a good story, you'll like Zento.

Always moving forward and always standing for education!

How to get your important message across, or not

In autism, just like with many things, there are differing sides, issues and beliefs. For each of these there are people who feel very strongly. This is understandable, however, some feel so strong about their thoughts that they fall into a state of fanaticism.

Fanatics are hard to deal with, especially if they don't quite have their facts straight. I'm not aiming at any particular group here, (that would be particularly dangerous) but I do want to point out a few ways you won't get your point across.

Extreme measures have their place. Take a peaceful protest march of thousands to the White House or a State Capitol somewhere. That's extreme, but it has worked to make political and human rights points in history. The key to an extreme measure working is choice. People choose to get involved and the do so because they believe in what the protest stands for.

Now I'm going to say something harsh but it's also very important if you want to get your point across: Misuse of an extreme measure will only make you look like a lunatic. To avoid that, you have to use your media with care and present your message in a politically correct fashion. I know, I'm not always that politically correct, but bear with me. The most of what I miss is usually he/she reference. I stick with just one and it's meant to be in respect that there are two or what not. I have been attacked for that before.

So, here are some important points to consider about delivering your message:

1) FACTS: Have you researched your information and are you using verifiable facts? For example, if you go around calling people with Asperger's liars for saying they have autism, you would be hurting your case. Asperger's is recognized by every medical board in the world as an "Autism Spectrum Disorder". Recently, they have considered making its diagnosis separate for identification issues and there is an ongoing argument, still: that doesn't change what it's been accepted as for years, a form of autism. Conspiracy theories of many kinds are famous for getting blown out of proportion to a point of inciting panic. This doesn't help the point that needs to be made, or the message. So, make sure you have your facts straight before you go on the warpath.

2) DELIVERY: How are you getting your message out? Do you write blog articles like me? Do you have a website? These can be very good ways to deliver your message. You will have to write for a while to start getting attention, but keep going and time will bring readers to you. But what if you want to skip that time needed? Maybe you decide to gather friends on Facebook and then launch emails at hundreds of them at a time with your message? Watch out. That could get you in trouble for spamming. You may have an important point, but if try to flood people with it too much, too fast, you will only annoy and turn them off to your message. And you can't please everyone, no matter what you do. I've been called a ranter plenty of times. You can't reach everyone either. Some people are dead set in what they believe, right or wrong. You have to let them go and get on with what's important, those who are listening and your message.

3) IS IT FRIENDLY? A true mark of a bad fanatic is someone who insults everyone that has a different point of view. I'm talking about someone who calls people racial slurs, drops obscene language makes horrible references against opposing opinions, just because their opposing opinions. This person will ignore all facts presented and not take any time to look at perspectives or respect others. If you don't believe they way they do, you're scum. Don't be one of these. You will have a select and small group of listeners, sure but your message won't get far. You will turn off people left and right. Even people who are famous for such attitudes are limited in number. Even they don't get away with calling people much more than "stupid". As soon as I get slighted like that for my opinion, that person loses all credibility with me. I've had some strong opinions of people too in my day. Thankfully, they've either been a learning experience and never been obscene with a torrent of swearing and worse.

Honestly, if you can steer around those three obstacles, you can gather quite a following to your points and probably even get something serious accomplished. The internet can be an awesome tool for this, or it can lead to your destruction.

To my readers

There was an issue recently with how I did my blogs at the newspaper sites. This is what I posted to correct that:

It has recently been brought to my attention that my readers do prefer to stay in one place to read my blog and article postings. I was truly unaware of how much of an inconvenience this might be to my readers until a fine fellow with Sheboygan Press sent me an email explaining the situation. Well, from now on, when you see my blogs and articles, you can be sure that I will have the whole story right here for you. There will be no link that you have to click to get the whole story.

For that matter, if there is any link at all, it will only be to show you where else I can be found. None of the places that you can find me require you to pay to subscribe to my writing. If you find me on Myspace you can click "subscribe" to be alerted when ever I post a new blog. I would dearly love to have you there as well as here, but you don't have to. I can also be found on Facebook and USA Today. If you go to blogspot and have a blog there, you can click to follow my blog and I will do the same for you.

Sometime I just need to know what people prefer the most. If they tell me, I can understand better. I want to thank all of you for being here and following along with me. Thank you for all the great reccomendations and comments. Don't worry, I'm not going anywhere and I will have more to say in the very near future.