Researched: Autism and Puberty for Girls

Once in a while I get questions and I don't always have the answers. What that happens, I do research. When I do research, I bring you what I found.

In this case, I was asked about autism and puberty, specifically for girls. While I have three daughters, none of them live with me and I wasn't with them for this part of their lives. Hey, I live 14 hours away from the closest of them, okay? And I'm a DAD, not a Mom, so that really sets me aside on the matter. But I take it seriously when someone is looking for information, so this is what I found. From just these three links, I think you'll have the basics well in hand, plus some good tips.

How to help girls with autism through puberty is a blog post at Fourplusanangel.com by Jessica (last name unknown). Yes, that's a link up there^. It's a great starting point for no nonsense advice. It doesn't hit on the attitude dangers, but it's a pretty important starting point all the same READ IT.

THIS POST from musingsofanaspie.com is "What else autistic girls need to know about puberty". I found the section on hormones very informative. Heck, it's all informative. So read it next.

Finally, I bring you to Abilitypath.org with THIS. It's not as personable as the blog writers above but it's clinical advice seems applicable.

Still looking for info? If you are on Facebook and have lots of friends, there are several popular ladies with autism online and I'm sure any of them would be glad to lend advice on what they did or do to deal with puberty and it's pitfalls.

Hey, puberty at its base scale is enough to make you want a six month vacation on the moon. Just remember that this is no picnic for your kid either. I can only imagine what a nightmare it must be for girls. Cramps, bleeding, using pads; all lead to so much more than what boys have to handle. Just hope that your child has the easy going kind (if there is such a thing) and go from there.

What I get from all that I saw is this: EDUCATE, EDUCATE, EDUCATE. Teach your child early and often. Remind and reapply over and over again. Do your best to be patient and non-accusatory.

Finally, remember love and caring. Let them know that it will get better and they will eventually get used to dealing with this annoying aspect of life.

Good luck, parents!

Setting an example for our autism youth

My desk area for Galaxy Zento

You might remember, a couple blog posts back, where I wrote to you all about my Galaxy Zento project and what you could do to help with the setting of that example. Well, you worked wonders, my friends and tripled the number of people I was reaching. That's not a million people or anything, but it was a record and I'm grateful. The record? 676 people reached. That's more than 5x the number of LIKES on the page. Thank you!

So today I want to share more about my experience growing up and my son's experience in comparison with autism. I want my experiences to give hope to families struggling with understanding their kids and hope to kids who aren't sure where their lives are going.

This is NOT to say that I have the final answers to anything in autism. It's not meant to give false hopes to anyone. But if you have no hope to draw on at all, where does that leave you?

When I was growing up I was considered to be one effed up kid and that's just the language that got used. During the divorce of my parents I vanished into a fantasy world tried to get others to believe that I had bionics like the Six Million Dollar Man. Today, my son is trying very hard to convince us that he's a star in outer space with super powers. The fantasy is still there.

My son and I collect together

I developed rituals before I was ten of doing things in even numbers. I had to turn lightswitches off or on twice, zip zippers twice, turn objects twice and so on. I felt severely compelled to do this and I don't remember thinking there would be anything but bad luck if I didn't.  I developed a stim of clearing my throat, just like my son does today. I had other stims too and sensory issues. I liked the feeling of some fabrics under my fingernails and cool surfaces were calming to me.

I developed trouble in school early. In my last article I explained that my son has gone through a spot of bad behavior, stealing back his DS when grounded and sneaking out of the house at night through a window with a six foot drop. Well. When I was 8 or 9, I was told to stay after school. I knew I would be in trouble at home if I were late and I told the teacher my father needed to be called. She said it was my problem. I asked to go to the bathroom. She let me and I snuck out of school and ran home. I destroyed letters I was supposed to deliver to my father from the teachers before that (only two days before) and had to stay after again. This time she said I was NOT going to the bathroom. However she left the room,  summoned by the principal and I was gone.

When the phone call came, I got the most horrifying belt beating you can imagine and sentenced to my bed for thirty days. I was to come home, do my homework on my bed, eat dinner on my bed and I could only leave my bed to go to school or the bathroom. I could have one stuffed toy. My father let me out of that punishment after a week. He didn't think I could handle the whole thing, but I never, ever did that again. I won't punish my son like that, but he is in a lot of trouble right now. The difference is I have a team of people to work with him and explain things and teach him. All the while he still gets disciplined. The point is, I had my behavior rough spots too. I had my ticks, my stims, and all the things I see in him today.

By the time I reached 6th grade, I had very few friends (there were 3 of us) and two of us were bully magnets. Before I went to Jr High (a total freaking nightmare) I was playing with kids 5 years younger than me. Just like my son prefers to play with kids either way younger or almost adults (sound familiar?). I didn't understand kids my age at all. It was a concern but not addressed very well, so continued. Those were the times. Now I'm hoping to keep him from being bullied like I was.

A painting I did for autism

Despite my life and all I went through, despite not having support for autism as kid; despite running away from home at 14; despite my random life that I will be sharing here soon; despite the fact that my medical health has gained deteriorating factors, I am still doing things. I still became a parent of four kids, I still have a part in their lives, I still held jobs, and now I'm still striving to do something, anything. I want kids with autism (who are unsure of their lives) and kids with bipolar or who are being bullied, to know that they can do something too. That is what Galaxy Zento stands as an example of.

You can do this too. You can take the accomplishments of your life and show them to your kids. Show them that it's not over until it's over and life has possibilities for them. Show them other people who do amazing things despite disability. It's not about being gainfully employed either, it's just about doing something that you can be good at. And that's a great start!

So thank you for sharing Galaxy Zento. I hope more of you will continue to "like" and follow the page. And when the first novel (The Chessmen) gets published, you'll hear about it first. Thank you!

Bad decisions and self punishment

I don't care who you are or what kind of childhood you had, we have all done something we aren't proud of. We have all made bad decisions. That's half of learning when you are growing up after all, mistakes. Some are bigger than other and cost more too, but if you learned something that eventually made you more of an adult, it might have been worth it.

That doesn't mean we should tell our kids to go out and do bad things. We should guide and advise them to the best of our parental abilities. The problem I want to address is when our spectrum kids start to punish themselves for those mistakes. I know I was angry with myself as a child. I didn't know why I kept "screwing up" and began to take a self punishing attitude. Today I have a better understanding and I try to use that with my son. Even so, I still see the possibility of self anger in him. So what can I do to help him understand that we all make bad decisions?

I'll put myself at his level. I remember bad decisions I made and what happened. I can tell him about my experiences so he knows that Dad was a kid once too. I'll be sure to let him know that, today, I'm not proud of those decisions but I sure won't mess them up again. Allow me to give you two examples.

Revenge: I was picked on mercilessly in school and it started in elementary. I was in 6th grade and one of my tormentors was coming at me with a snowball. He intended to shove it in my face, or so he said. He didn't see my friend, Big Jim, coming up from behind him. Jim gave him a bearhug that made him drop that snowball and I did something that surprised them both. I balled up my fist tight in my glove and threw my first right hook ever. Jim was so shocked he let go and that boy hit the ground. I got into a lot of trouble and the Principal asked if I was a bully too. My explanation fell on deaf ears, but I wasn't suspended. All the same, what I did was wrong. I'm not happy about the fact that I did it and I prefer not to get into fights. I'll still defend myself, but I'm not up for revenge. I'll tell my son that hitting didn't solve anything and was a very poor choice on my part.

Competition flaw: Spring of that same year found me walking to school with friends. For some reason we were getting into who could jump the farthest or run the fastest. I picked up a rock and stated I could throw it further than any of them. Naturally they didn't believe me. I said I could throw it clear over a nearby house into the street on the other side. And I went for it before anyone could say anything. I had just as much trouble with my impulses as my son sometimes has with his. The rock cleared the privacy fence and vanished from sight. Even though we couldn't see where it went, the crash of shattering glass was unmistakeable. I was in big trouble. Naturally I ran, and even tried to lie my way out of it. No dice on that and it made the situation much worse. I got a beating, extra chores, and a long grounding. Dad had to pay for the window and I had to write a letter of apology. One bad choice can lead to enough damage without trying to compound it with more bad choices.  Now, if I make a mess I own up to it. I'm the one who should clean up and pay the damage.

Bad choices, we all make them and certainly made them in childhood. We all went through something or other that we aren't proud of today. We survived and hopefully learned a lesson, tough or not. And we all want to be our kids heroes. We want to be that larger than life power for them. But, sometimes, I think it's okay to share our pitfalls with them so they can see it's not so different and not the end of the world. It's a good example for the truth that we must learn from our bad decisions and need not punish ourselves forever on them.