So your child was just diagnosed with autism...

It just happened and the news hits you like a runaway truck. You experience a mixture of relief and shock. Relief at having a name for the thing you didn't understand and shock because you still have no idea what to do about it. Better yet, your doctor may not know what you should do either. It's bad enough that parenting doesn't come with automatic instructions, but you have far more to learn than the average parent.

Well you aren't alone and this write up is geared to give you more than one place to start.

I am an adult with autism raising a teenager with autism. I've been on your path and then some. Not only did I have to relearn everything I thought I knew about parenting, I had to relearn myself. This advice will by no means cover every thing you could face. Every child is different and how heavily they are affected by autism is vastly different. That's why it's called "the spectrum". Which leads to my first point:

Get to know your child: Sure, every parent has to do this, but you are watching for intricate details that others will take for granted. You are watching for triggers in sensory that others don't commonly react to. You are watching for extreme behaviors that demonstrate super interest or reaction or almost NO interest or reaction. These will be noteworthy to you so you can help your child interact with a loud and intense world. Look for both the things that aggravate and provide comfort. For example, if hiding under a blanket calms a meltdown, you best have a blanket with you on outings. There are three subjects that I use to teach people about autism in children. They are as follows:

-Sensory: Various sensory (your five senses) "problems" or imbalances are common in autism. Colors and lights may be super bright and overbearing. Sounds may be too loud and invasive. Textures may cause extreme discomfort. Yet, some sensory issues may do the opposite so much that your child seeks them out constantly. These can be very strange behaviors. The list is long and some behaviors can be disturbing. The good news is that your child will develop past hundreds of these behaviors. Behaviors as a toddler are by no means bound to be permanent. And by no means should you think you cannot teach your child alternate behaviors. You absolutely can.

-Routine: The order in which you do daily activities is something your child will likely become very sensitive of. Changes in routines may be met with severe resistance. This includes issues like change of wardrobe from one season to the next. As they grow, clear information on how and why of changes may help. Again, these are teaching points for you as the parent. It's simply something you will have long term work on with your child. The forms of many sensitivities will change with age. Just know, that if you teach them to brush their teeth before getting dressed and one day you switch that around, it may become a very difficult day.

-Social: Social interactions are heavily affected by sensory and some delayed maturity issues (but not just those). Social interactions have a tendency to go one of two directions; too little or way too much. Lack of eye contact or "appropriate" response to your emotions (anger or praise) are just the beginning. Clear and literal information can be of utmost importance. For example, my wife summoned my son to his messy bedroom where he had tossed dirty clothes down in his doorway. She asked him "what is wrong with this picture?". My son became very nervous because, while he saw the mess on his floor, he did not see a "picture" anywhere. If she had asked "what is wrong with these clothes?" he would have understood immediately. You're child will have to be taught very specifically what it means when you are happy with him or not. Just expressing the emotions, will likely not work the same as with a typical child. As an additional caution, never spank an autistic child. It will ignite sensory triggers, cause huge meltdowns, and teach them that it's okay to hit you and others. When I say that you will have to learn a whole different way of parenting it is not a casual reflection.

Be involved with your child: Your child needs you more than ever to help them understand how to live in our crazy world. I'm going to make a suggestion that has helped my own son in so many ways.

Play games.

Yes, games. I play and collect heroclix with my son. It's a table top game with tiny figurines of comic book super heroes played out on a map. I developed short term variations of the rules for my son to enjoy at a very young age (about 8). It helped him with social interaction, math, and problem solving. He still loves the game to this day. He has fond memories of interactions with those games. How to react to winning or losing and the random chances of the dice are incredible tools that can be integrated into teaching how the world works in real life. It's creative parenting at its best.

Finally, let me tell you that (while you are understandably shaken now) you have become the parent of a very special form of person. He or she is going to show you things about life you never thought possible. Get ready, because it's going to be quite a trip.

Haters Gonna Hate, Time to Start Laughing

There are people out there who manage to consistently do one thing above all else when it comes to me. That's the fact that their antics completely blow my mind. They blow my mind because I can't believe they have time to come up with drivel and tripe about other people when they could be simply taking care of themselves. I guess I should be honored that I own so much of that person's brain and attention span, right?

Recently there have been some interesting accusations brought to my attention and I almost blew my iced tea right out my nose. Yeah, I laughed that hard.

Many of you out there are likely trying to build yourselves and make a good life for yourselves. You may be artists, writers, advocates, or any other thing really. What you need to know is that someone is always going to come along and try to take the wind out of your sails. Why do they feel the need? Who or what are you to them? Here's what you need to remember: these are unhappy people. They are jealous of every single thing that anyone else around them  does or succeeds at. They have nothing better to do than spread lies and drama and try to bring other people down. Instead of just living good and taking pride in their own achievements, they have to bring other people down.

Allow me to give you some recent examples but first: I am an advocate for autism education, a writer and illustrator. I have bridged these from time to time in order to show support for people with autism and to educate. Just because I have autism (and yes other medical conditions) doesn't mean I can't do anything.  The same goes for you. Anyway:

Accusation: Never diagnosed as autistic.   This is what made me spew tea today. I was diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome (explained as a high functioning form of autism and still accepted that way by every doctor I talk to today) right after my son was diagnosed. This person is someone that I have never met in person; doesn't live anywhere that I have lived; doesn't know any of my doctors; and has no access what-so-ever to any of my medical history as in the actual medical files. Hello, HIIPA anyone?  They weren't there as I was diagnosed. They witnessed me in real life. Most importantly this person is not a doctor. I think some far out imaginations are at work here. Maybe they dreamed that they talked to all my doctors and got certified copies of everything I was ever diagnosed with. Ah, but then they wake up. How does this person even get close to such a ridiculous leap (other than being a bold faced liar)? Well, here's the main excuse:

- has other medical conditions: Apparently there's a special law in the fabrics of reality that says you can only have one psychological medical condition. Well someone get me a lawyer! I want to sue the universe for not following it's own law! Well, while this seems to be a brand new surprise to my haters, medical science seems to have known about it for decades now. You can absolutely have more than one condition. There are scales of details and factors that go with it, but hey, I'm not the doctor here. You can have bipolar disorder, Asperger's, a TBI and MS all at the same time. I know this, because I live with it. Ah, but this person thinks that if I were seen by a doctor today I would lose the autism diagnosis. What Hater doesn't realize is that I've been under a doctors care (getting MRI's and such) for quite some time. Not only have I not lost any diagnosis but my doctors have no question about them and they have all my records. So that's that. I have been diagnosed officially every step of the way, end of story.

Accusation: Trying to use autism to sell to people:  Say wha? You know, while there are people out there who demand that you pay attention to what they do because of a medical condition, not everyone is like that. The only reason that I point out my autism or my son's with my work (as posted on my blogs) is because what I'm doing now is my way of overcoming my conditions. The message is meant to be that I am not sitting in a corner going "boo hoo, I have medical conditions and I'm helpless in life" rather just the opposite. I don't want anyone to say "well, he has autism so we better buy his books and art". I would hate that. I would prefer people buy what I have for the sake of what it is. Hater seems to think that everyone is affected the same way by autism and that's not true. There are a lot of people who are having a hard time in life who aren't sure if they can make it. My message is for them. Past that, I support autism education and I'm proud of that. I want what I do to always support autism and mental illness and education for it. For every person that I help to find answers or ease their suffering because of what I do... that's a great success to me. I have outright donated my work for free for just that purpose. So I have stuff for sale, big deal. Some of it is for sale for my own use anyway.

Accusation: Trying to use autism to publish books:  Now if I laugh any harder I'm going to have a migraine. But hold on, let me share something about this hater with you. This one has published several books on and through Amazon. I don't want to knock that because who knows, I might try that one day too. But here's the cold hard fact about self publishing through Amazon. Anyone can do it. I mean anyone! No agent, no editor, no acceptance process except maybe for age range, you just put your book on Amazon and make some selections for covers and stuff. Then BANG! you're published. From what I know this is the only way this person has ever published anything (not that it's a bad thing). I would prefer not to go the self publishing route myself but that's just me.  Now, if you go and start researching agents and consider sending them a query about your work, you might notice they want to know if you've been published. I can't tell you how many times I've seen the words "not on Amazon or internet self publishing". That's because anyone and their dog can publish this way with complete abandon. That's also not to say that there are no good authors on Amazon, I actually know of a couple who are pretty good. All that being said, back to the point of the accusation, the idea that I could sway any self respecting agent with "I have autism" is ludicrous at best. For that matter, it's just flat stupid. And yes, this hater likes to bash away at my work as well.

Special note: I have not read any of this writer's work, nor will I. And why should I? Would you feel like buying anything from someone who targets you like this? I wouldn't.

So, there you have it. Now, while I wrote this all out, I want you to know that I've done this for the good of the reader. Your haters don't deserve your time. They'll call you a fraud, smear you, tell lies, and you'll think they must sit up all night long hunched over books trying to dig for dirt and mud. They'll say you have not talent and try with all their might to belittle and degrade you. Don't let them. I think they've read too many tabloids and believe every word. Don't let them stop you. Don't let them become your demon that gets in the way of your goals. Here's a very important note:

You do not owe these people anything. You do not have to prove yourself to some hater who really doesn't know you close enough to be accurate about you in the first place. It doesn't matter if you are a writer, artist, or just an at home parent. It doesn't matter if you have a medical condition or not. If you are an advocate and trying to help others, then help them. You'll be ahead of the game while haters waste obsession on you instead of their own lives. These haters are laughable and don't deserve anything from you.

And one final chuckle. I was called an "avid reader" of one hater's blog. Hilarious. Just because you look at a page (legal documentation reasons) doesn't make you an "avid" anything.