Autism and Social Media: Survival Tips

There's no doubt that the internet is today's urban jungle, filled with beauty and danger. It's especially dangerous if you have trouble with social cues and understanding context. Words on a screen are often devoid of emotion and cause us to draw our own conclusions on the intentions of the writer. Misunderstandings come fast and hard, boiling into flame wars with a single word. These lessons are learned the hard way, but with some tips, hopefully you can recognize the lesson before it has to be repeated.

We may as well admit it, we who have autism have a tendency to take ourselves too seriously. We internalize and take offense way to easily. (Disclaimer: Yes, I know it's not this way for absolutely everyone and maybe not YOU). See what I just had to do there? I guarantee you I will be attacked for this paragraph, but I will not answer those attacks. Nor will I post hostile comments. That's part of surviving the internet. So, the tips:

Reader beware: Few posts carry trigger warnings, so when you read something, you need to form a thick skin or practice knowing when to stay away. It's hard to be personally aware of what really upsets you, but it can be done. If you find yourself getting upset with something someone else posts, practice walking away. You don't have to respond. You don't have to read what everyone else says. You don't have to agree with what everyone else says. And it's okay not to.

Don't feed the trolls: It gets said over and over again doesn't it? That's because it's true. Trolls are very good at triggering people on the internet and very little is beneath them to do so. They know full well what they are saying is wrong. So why correct them? Pass up their comments as "not worth your time" and find something more meaningful to comment on. If they are on a forum that allows them to be reported, do so, but don't say a word to them. NOT ONE WORD. Let moderators deal with it, you don't need to. If you just can't stand seeing their name and there stuff triggers you, use the block option. Block them and you'll find yourself a lot more stress free. Trying to fight trolls too much will result in dealing with a stalker or cyber bully instead. Not worth it!

Don't believe everything you read: Propaganda is always either half true or an outright lie. There is always more to the information than what you see. Ads are for taking your money, there is no guarantee you will get what you are promised. Especially don't trust propaganda "meme" posters. Some posts are meant to get you upset to incite you into doing what they want you to do. Always stop and think before exploding into action. That's a tough practice, but necessary.

Practice research: Never take action on anything on the internet without doing your research. Ask questions, do google searches, find out what the real information is.

Don't click on that: Get a weird message with a link in it on Facebook? Don't click on it. It's a virus that will spam everyone on your friends list. Same goes for your email messages. Unless a link has an explanation on it of what it is, you shouldn't click on it.

Would you do this in person? Ask yourself that before you post on the internet. There's always the old saying: If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all. If only more people would follow that.

Don't post your personal information: Even if it 's only viewed by people on your friends list. That includes your address and telephone number. Such things should only be sent in private message if at all. This is because;

Not everyone on your friend list IS a friend: You've never met them in real life and becoming true friends take time. It requires trust that you should not give out easily. No one should be requesting your information without a good reason, and marketing or sales are not good reasons. Most are good people and great to have contact with, but you don't want to just give yourself out to everyone who asks. Internet friends are awesome, but guard yourself.

Have tips of your own? Submit them to comments (moderated). Good luck out there!

Reader Request: Coping with Autism as an Adult

Being an adult with autism is a challenging issue in today's society. This is because support systems have an annoying tendency to drop off once you are 21 or 22 years of age (varies by location). At least while developing as a teen, there were counselors and hopefully support systems. Making adult decisions isn't easy.

I was diagnosed at age 35-36 when my son was diagnosed around age 3. His diagnosis brought about memories from my childhood. So what I tell you today comes from my baptism by fire. Since no one knew I needed help, I floundered and lived at random. Now that I have a few years under my belt I believe I can offer some advice on how to live with autism as a grown up. Keep in mind, this is for high functioning persons who are striking out on their own.

1: Never forget you have autism. Not like it will ever let you forget it, but you'd be amazed at how you can forget this when misunderstandings happen. You live with a form of social blindness and will miss various adult social cues. This can cause you to butt heads with people. It's not your fault and not theirs, but remembering that your condition may have tricked you can lead you to a resolution faster than not.

2: Don't be so hard on yourself. You can't help the situation. You have to learn how to live with the fact that these things happen. They aren't the end of the world. The more you accept yourself, the more other people will accept you. So give yourself a break when a misunderstanding happens. They are really a part of life and everyone else has them too.

3: Take things slow. Don't let anyone rush you when you are trying to figure out what is going on. If a misunderstanding happens, that's the best time to take a deep breath and rethink the situation. If someone gets irate with you, tell them calmly that you are trying to understand the situation. Don't rush in earning friends either. Take everything slow. Yes, the autistic mind wants to live at 1000 miles an hour. You will have to practice at slowing down.

4: Know your limits. You've always had them. If you are still at risk of meltdowns, you need to have your living space set up with a safe place to retreat to. You must do everything you can not to have meltdowns in public. I know how hard that sounds. Sometimes, you just need to play an escape route if things get too intense for you. Meltdowns in public wind up involving police who are often less than understanding. So you must have plans of action for your own conditions. That being said;

5: Don't seal yourself away. Becoming a hermit is tempting, but you starve yourself socially. That's a good way to drop into depression and make yourself worse. You must practice dealing with the world to get better at it. Get out there and see the world. Find social places that you can deal with.

6: Don't expect acceptance from everyone. There are a lot of jerks out there and you must dismiss them from your life. This goes for jobs and dating too. If someone can't be decent to you, you don't need them. That's no matter how lonely you feel. If an employer doesn't want to hire you, let it go and go somewhere else. If some group of people can't accept you, go somewhere else.

7: Believe in yourself! You are a worthwhile person. Find those good qualities in yourself and decide that you don't absolutely need anyone but you. The rest will fall into place.

8: You are not autism. Finally, it comes to this. You have autism. It is an aspect of who you are, but not the sum of who you are. With practice, yes practice, you will triumph over life's challenges and you can live a decent life. Not because of autism, but because of all of who you are.

Take it one day at at time. Find a support group or even form one to share life's challenges. In truth, a list like this could go on forever. There is so much to learn and experience in life and so many things that can happen. You just have to take them one at a time. Remind yourself of that. One at a time.

I have many reader requests at this time, but feel free to post your own in comments. Also, do you have a tip for this list? Post it in comments and thanks!

After "Raised in Hell"

A lot of people have seen my first book that has gone to thousands of families for free. The book leaves off at a point where I get on a Greyhound bus in Barstow, California headed for Salt Lake City.

What's the big idea about that? The premise of the book is my growing up undiagnosed (autism and bi-polar disorder) through a chaotic childhood. It was my experiences growing up in an age and location where they just weren't diagnosing my age group for those things. Even though they sent me to a hospital at age 12/13, my diagnosis remained "guarded" for the full scale of it.

In Raised in Hell, I survived a chaotic life that involved:

-living in foster homes (some abusive) during my parents divorce (approx age 4)

-living with an abusive (drunk and drugged) step parent until I ran away from home at 14 (started age 6)

-having self abusive seizure like episodes that I am now medicated for (from age 6 on)

-surviving violent bullying from grade 5 until I left home at age 14 (due to moving this involved several different schools)

-never understanding myself as a person

If you want to catch up before I go on, you can download my book here for free:  LINK

Just scroll down the page until you see the title and the word "download". It is SAFE. You will get a simple PDF.

From this edition forward, my blog will take you into the memoirs of what happened after I got on that bus and headed to Salt Lake City, where I believed I was going to be picked up by an adult who knew me. Well, I can tell you I wasn't picked up by anyone when I got off that bus, but that's for next time.

So I hope you will follow along in the continuation of my story as I moved into a stage of life where I had to learn to fend for myself.  That would be from late age 16 into my adult years, still unaware of my medical conditions and still misjudged for them. Still a shining example of why diagnosis, care and support are important. Remember, I wasn't diagnosed until around 2005-2006 after my son was diagnosed at age 3.

Until then, support each over and be good to yourselves.

Autism: Fitting in

For families with disabilities of all sorts, fitting into the local social dynamics can be quite a challenge. When your condition makes social skills hard, it's even worse. Not only do you get the judging eye of society cast at you, but responding to it is hard.

I'm sure everyone has had their day being shunned for one thing or another. Plenty of people on the spectrum who read this know exactly what I'm talking about because they've been through it themselves. And the outcasting of peers does little to help a struggling person do any better. Bullying and rejection cause increased anxiety, further psychological damage, and more stigma on both sides.

So what can you do for your kids or yourself in the face of social adversity? Maybe if you don't fit in, you can just pick up and move somewhere else? Not quite. Most people who suffer from these conditions (heck most people in general) don't have the funds to just pack up and ship out when things get tough or because they "don't fit in". The truth is, the only time you should move is when it is unsafe for you to stay or you can increase the positives of your life (new careers).

The first key to anything is education. The next is learning as much as you can about society and where you can go as possible. So, actually, that's education both ways. The worst thing you can do is seal yourself off and not go out anymore.

You have to go out and find places you can be. If your direct neighbors aren't very nice, don't hang around them. Seek out groups of people that are more like you and more accepting. These can be school groups, hobby groups, or people of various similar interests who just hang out.

You have every right to live and be where you are. With that out of the way and some ideas for groups to find, how do you fit in to basic society? Some people say you don't have to, but there are a few things you need to keep in mind. A few tips:
For either yourself or to teach your child (teaching children should start early, but it's not too late, right?)

Morals: These are rules of respect people live by and they can get complicated. Start with these simple ones:
-Keep all your body parts to yourself, minding personal space of others. Do not touch anyone without their direct permission or invitation. That includes their property like purses or other items.

-Respect the privacy of others and mind what is personal and what is not. Things that are personal that you should avoid commenting on are sexual issues, money, and a person's own conditions or appearances.

-Harm no one. Avoid fights and do your best never to hit or kick anyone. This includes self defense issues where you could walk away.

-When talking to people you don't know, address them as Sir, Ma'am (or Miss if "younger"), or by their occupation such as "officer". Speaking politely to people helps a lot.

-Respect the beliefs of others, even if you don't believe them yourself. This one can be hard and can get you into trouble with large groups of people. While you are entitled to your own opinion, you will find less stress in life if you keep it to yourself. You don't have to believe what others do either, take comfort in that.

-Respect laws and the rights of others. Don't steal, rob, or commit crimes. Stay out of drugs and alcohol. Some communities are alcohol heavy and I've seen them, but I don't drink. That has gotten me laughed at, but never cast out. I just tell them to be sure and enjoy on my behalf.

You don't have to do everything people in your community do unless there is a law or it's a matter of respect to others. Situations vary, but this is something I have found to be a truth in my wide travels.

As it is, we cannot be expected to be "normal" because we are not. Some of us are more eccentric than others, yet harmless. If you are doing something that makes you stand out in a way that could be dangerous to you (like failing to wear clothes in public) you should change that. If you just dress more colorful than others, you may be laughed at, but you should ignore them. They have no right to carry that any further.

Again, these are basic tips, nothing is perfect for everyone. What can you do?