Autism: Expecting too much of ourselves

There is a trait in our self patience I want to talk about today. I don't think this is in all of us but it's in me, my son, and I've it in many others. We have a tendency to take the world around us very seriously. In doing that we take ourselves twice as serious as anything else. We don't give ourselves margin for error. We get very upset with ourselves in the process.

A witness may not understand where the sudden anger came from. They might even think we are angry at them or someone else in the room. It's amazing how hard it is to explain in the midst of the moment. Where do such high self expectations come from?

For one, they come from wanting to be acceptable to everyone else. To us, we see our shortcomings as very expensive and potentially damaging. If we've had bad experiences in the past with others misunderstanding our mistakes (and most of us have)it compounds the issue. Past experience may include bullying, where enough daily taunting hit its mark. Dealing with impatient parents, teachers, or any other adults who punished us for those shortcomings make a mark too. It's hard to overcome your programming from youth.

Think about it, if you grew up with a condition that made you struggle, and no one gave you any patience in it, would you give yourself any patience today? I doubt it because you were taught otherwise. With a natural tendency to take things too seriously, we are at a disadvantage from the start. It's also what causes us to not do so well with stress. We can carry only small loads in that department.

My 9 year old son, already has hardships with himself. We counsel him on them the best we can. We tell him that everyone makes mistakes and they aren't the end of the world. We teach him that a mistake is an opportunity to learn something new. We teach him it's not worth being angry at himself. Hopefully, by starting in his youth, this will make a big difference for him as an adult.

For me, it's a hard lesson because I was taught the other way harshly. The bullying was hell and they often said I deserved it because I was a screw up in their eyes. There were a lot of them and the school was unmoved to assist. Have enough bullies on you and society takes a new shape. The drunken and drugged step-parent figure didn't help. I had no safe place to go. The only marginally safe time of day, was when my father got home from work. Even then, I would hear her ranting over what a horrible child I was to the point of screaming and yelling. Her punishments that included drinking sour milk, chemical burning my hands, and screaming daily obscenities also taught me the wrong lesson. I was taught that mistakes are not allowed, or you will be punished most severely.

So, now I'm hard on myself. It's not as bad as it was just a few years ago. I can give myself credit for what I've learned. I've come a long way. Now my story and these facts serve to help others. As with any of my blogs, I am glad to have it shared where ever my readers feel it would help. Just use a link back to here for shameless credits sake, right?

Remember to give yourself credit, it's actually a healthy thing to do.

Autistic self injury and seizures

People have a tendency to see self injury as the "victims own fault". I have heard this many times and it is in error in many cases. Self injury occurs for several reasons.

Some do it for a release of endorphins that can cancel out pain. Often these people are seriously depressed or suffering other mental conditions. The fact that they seek solace in self harm should not make it a matter of fault. They still need treatment and without it, will continue to self harm. It may not be as much of a "choice" as it looks.

In the autistic the lack of choice is especially true. Consider this paste from an article on Autism.com:

"Self-injurious behavior has also been associated with seizure activity in the frontal and temporal lobes (Gedye, 1989; Gedye, 1992). Behaviors often associated with seizure activity include: headbanging, slapping ears and/or head, hand-biting, chin hitting, scratching face or arms, and, in some cases, knee-to-face contact. Since this behavior is involuntary, some of these individuals seek some form of self-restraint (e.g., having their arms tied down). Seizures may begin, or are more noticeable, when the child reaches puberty, possibly due to hormonal changes in the body."

Mine started when I was six or seven years old. More to quote:

"Since seizure-induced, self-injurious behaviors are involuntary, one may not observe a relationship between the person's behavior and his/her environment. However, since stress can trigger a seizure, there may be a relationship between stressors in the environment and self-injury. This may include too much physical stimulation (e.g., lighting, noise) and/or social stimulation (e.g., reprimands, demands). Foods may also induce seizures (Rapp, 1991). If the behavior began or got worse during puberty, one may also consider the possibility of seizure activity. If seizures are suspected, it is recommended that the person have an EEG."

See the whole article HERE.

I am on medication that helps to keep my incidents in check. I am very careful to remove myself from stressful situations that may cause an incident and have a "cool down" area in my home for just such issues. I use a fan for cooling and a white noise effect. I rest until my system calms.

My son has suffered this as well. If upset enough, he will bite himself or head bang. It's important to intervene on this as much as you can and as soon as you can. Medications may be necessary.

The dangers of long term head banging and self injury are permanent damage to the brain, cranial nerves, or skin. Biting can cause blood exposure, bleeding, damage to hands and arms, and permanent scarring.

I have to say that head banging is probably the most dangerous because of brain injury possibilities. Not only that, but damage to cranial nerves alone can cause significant disability. If the person uses their fists for all those years they can permanently damage nerves in the hands and wrists from all the hitting as well.

I have permanent cranial nerve damage and I can't tell you how embarrassing it is to have to explain it to anyone. I do though, for the sake of education. I just wish, if they could have done anything for me in my child hood, that they could have helped me with that. They weren't diagnosing autism in my age range or geographic area for age range in my teen days. No one caught on.

So it's important that you catch on now, especially if your child is engaging in self damaging behavior. Find out why and get it treated. Don't let it disable them permanently.