Thursday, December 11, 2014

The Church of Anti-Vaccine

Thanks to the pure abuse of scripture, thousands of idiots are exempting their children from vaccines. I wondered just how there could be anything in the bible that applies to vaccines, but then I underestimated the sheer power of crazy. Here they are:

I Corithians 6: 19-20, “Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have received from God? …Therefore honor God with your body.”

II Corinthians 7:1, “…let us purify ourselves from everything that contaminates body and spirit, perfecting holiness out of reverence for God. 

So, essentially, they take their unproven ideas that vaccines are somehow malevolent poisons and apply them to these scriptures. Then they put it all into a tidy little letter to the schools or whoever and get themselves exempted. This is just one reason that 45% of Michigan residents are living in areas of high risk for outbreaks. Just check out THIS article on the matter. OH, and they're actually HAVING outbreaks and NO the sick people aren't vaccinated.

This got me thinking. Just how do you make anti-vaccine belief into a religion? What would the requirements be? Well, wonder no more. If you want to be part of the Church of Andrew Wakefield, here's all you have to do!

1: As the name suggests, you must worship Andrew Wakefield. Tell everyone else it's about God, but you really pray to Andrew because he's the guy!

2: Dismiss science as fakery unless it comes from Andrew Wakefield. Because only those who follow Andrew know real science. 

3: The official prayer is not putting your hands together; rather it's putting your fingers in your ears and shouting "LALALALALALALALA".

4: Believe that shaken baby syndrome is really because of vaccines. The broken bones occur because vaccines let the demons in and they fly the baby around the room.

5: If injured you must bathe in colloidal silver. Never go to the doctor unless they are vetted and accepted by Andrew Wakefield. So just stuff your guts back in your stomach. Natural healing is always better.

6: You must have two shrines to Andrew Wakefield in your home. One must be in the living room and one in the bedroom (wink wink).

7: Thou shalt embellish and exaggerate everything in support of condemning vaccines. If it sounds like facts it's good enough.

8: If someone comes close to proving you wrong you must go into a rage and accuse them of being government shills. They probably are anyway.

9: You must know the 28 studies that support Andrew Wakefield. You must frame them, put them on your wall, and recite them every day.

10: You must learn cherry picking. It's okay to accept information that seems like it supports your beliefs, even if that information comes from someone you condemn on all else. By the way, the annual cherry picking contest is every spring.

11: Forget the Father, Son and Holy Ghost, we like Andrew, Mother Nature, and the CDC Whistleblower.

12: No matter what, the possibilities of death and blindness are way better than ever having autism. Same goes for becoming a vegetable.

I think that's a pretty good start for the church and hey, freedom of religion right?


Anonymous said...

"Please people, get your medical advice on vaccines from actual doctors and not just propaganda sites for alternative medicines."

Every drug that has ever been recalled, has been proven to be safe and effective by the FDA.

It is ridiculous to expect any parent to allow their doctor to inject their child with crap they CANNOT sue for in a court of law when said crap injures or KILLS their child.

Unless you don't mind drug companies using your kid as a free lab rat....If vaccinations were safe, this crap legislation would not exist.

"The National Childhood Vaccine Injury Act (NCVIA) of 1986 (42 U.S.C. §§ 300aa-1 to 300aa-34) was enacted in the United States to reduce the potential financial liability of vaccine makers due to vaccine injury claims. The legislation was aimed at ensuring a stable market supply, and to provide cost-effective arbitration for vaccine injury claims. Under the NCVIA, the National Vaccine Injury Compensation Program (NVICP) was created to provide a federal no-fault system for compensating vaccine-related injuries or death by establishing a claim procedure involving the United States Court of Federal Claims and special masters."

David Wilde said...

The fact that there is a fund is not evidence that vaccines are dangerous. It's called an insurance policy (in a manner of speaking). And thanks to the anti-vax madness out there, frivolous lawsuits are a real danger. Now, if they didn't have a contingency in place for proven injuries AND you couldn't sue them, THAT may be something to actually get upset about. Seriously, I wish you anti-vaxxers would come up with something new that actually supports you. It would be less mind numbing that way.